Hat (Joke)

Golda Bernstein took her five year-old grandson to the beach. Her heart swelled with pride as she stood with her darling grandson dressed in his blue and white sailor suit viewing the majesty of the ocean.  Suddenly a rogue wave washed in, picked him up, and swept him away, leaving everything else nearby dry and unscathed.

Golda raised her hands to the sky and demanded of God, “How can you so cruelly take my grandson and leave me here to suffer?  What kind of God are you?”

In a moment, another wave appeared from nowhere returning the child to her, safe and well.

She raised her arms heavenward.  “He had a hat!”

Ferguson Cop Darren Wilson Resigned After Hearing ‘Credible Threats’

Good move. Reblogged from Tme

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Daddy’s insistence on respect from his family made it all the more rewarding when indignities befell him. Daddy was the first the see humor when we found ourselves in awkward or embarrassing situations, but did not like being the butt of jokes. Naturally, we loved seeing him embarrass himself. Daddy worked alternating shifts at the paper mill. Continue reading

Unmentionable

Anything regarding sex was dark and unmentionable in mixed company. Children were not to embarrass adults by noticing any veiled reference made in their presence, never asking why any adult was in the hospital, and vacating the room if the words complications, hormones, or nature came up in conversation. Above all, women should never refer to their “period.” Continue reading

Crows in the Corn

We tangled with the crows last summer and came way out on the losing end. They patiently watched us plow, measure, make rows, and plant, showing special interest in the seeds we’d chosen. From their keen attention, we could see they were partial to sweet corn. They practically drooled when it came out of the bag. Continue reading

Sweet Revenge

The shrubs along our yard fence riddled with our tunnels and hideouts were a wonderful place to play. All five of us were playing in them one day when we started tossing the little girls high in the shrubs and letting them slide to the ground. They had had several rides and we were getting them ready to go again when a swarm of yellow jackets came swarming furiously out of the bushes. It was a close call, but we snatched them and escaped without stings.

Marilyn had a fever and had to go to the doctor. Mother thought it might take a while so she left Phyllis and me to watch the baby and start supper. I wanted to play outside, so Billy and I took Connie with us. We were building villages in the white sand, making roads, houses, pastures and ponds. Connie loved the ponds, so we ended up digging her a big pond and filling it with water. When Mother and Marilyn came back from the doctor, Connie was sitting in the puddle covered with mud head to foot. Mother was horrified. Marilyn had measles. That meant Connie was already exposed and was now sure to get measles. Mother was in tears because at that time, everyone knew that if you got wet when you have measles the rash would “go in” on you. Mother grabbed Connie up, sponged her off with a damp rag, and found her covered in a rash. I was relieved to see that it hadn’t gone in on her. This didn’t comfort Mother since it might still “go in.”

I felt terrible for killing Connie and examined her every few minutes, praying the rash was still there. I went to bed dreading finding Connie’s tiny unrashed body in the crib the next morning. I woke long before daylight the next morning, flipped on the light in Mother’s and Daddy’s bedroom, bolted to Connie’s crib and snatched the her blanket back, thrilled at the sight of her rash.. She howled, woke Marilyn in her crib on the other side of the room, and got Mother’s day off to a roaring start with two measle-ey babies.

Feeding the baby was one job I didn’t mind. Our babies didn’t eat the disgusting vegetables, only the puddings and fruit. I don’t know how they got away with that since the rest of us were forced to eat disgusting vegetables, but I’d had enough lumps lately so that Mother’s behavior made sense. I’d give the baby a little bite, then have a big one myself to show her how it was done. The minute the baby slowed her pace, I polished off the rest of the can myself. I was fired from that job after a couple of feedings. It was passed on the Phyllis, who could be trusted while I had to help cook supper or do some other real work. Even though Phyllis patiently fed the baby bite after tiny bite and coaxed her to finish the food, I knew she was rotten to her pudding-and-fruit core. I seethed as I peeled potatoes, scraped pots, and hauled out the garbage. Months rocked on. Phyllis gotten so good over the months, she fed babies in side by side high chairs. She would feed first one and then the other so smoothly that neither ever missed a bite. No telling how many gallons of delicious fruit and puddings she shoveled into their greedy mouths while I slaved. Mother praised Phyllis for her thrift since two babies required so many expensive cans of baby food.

One fine day the water heater went out. Daddy got mad and interrogated Mother about how she had broken it. (I never knew why he stayed married to a woman he suspected of sabotaging appliances and vehicles.) But he was a forgiving man, eventually telling Mother to call Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin did not work for the service department of Sears or Western Auto. He was our neighbor who would drop by after his regular job to tinker with broken stuff. In addition to being very cheap labor, he was known for being able to get things going without buying any new parts. In fact, he usually left a few of the old parts, with instructions not to throw them away. He might need them next time.

Mr. Austin came dawdling by about four-thirty one afternoon, stinking up the whole house with his cigar. We heard him the screech of a wrench on metal. In a few minutes he called Mother to bring him a broom and trash can. He raked under the water and starting bringing out dozens of empty baby food cans, many rusted. They had been stacked far up the wall behind the water heater. He didn’t ask Mother any questions, just told her not to throw trash behind the water heater any more. Mother was humiliated. Upon intense interrogation, Phyllis broke and admitted hiding in the bathroom to eat baby food and throwing the evidence behind the water heater. I was glad I had not been trusted near the baby food, and never have I felt so pure and vindicated!

Something Small

potato peelingsAmidst all the bustling to get the Thanksgiving feast on the table yesterday, this lady slipped off to enjoy her favorite of the day, sweet potato peelings destined for the compost heap.  It’s good to notice life’s small blessings,

Kindness In The Airport Security Line

Let’s make kindness rampant! Reblogged from Kindness Blog.

Kindness Blog's avatarKindness Blog

Kindness In The Airport Security Line

To the couple who stood behind us in the airport security line ~

Your quiet act of kindness is something I will never forget.

Traveling with 4 kids is hectic, but traveling with a special needs child brings uncertainty and uneasiness. It had already been a rough morning… not getting enough sleep, looking for lost shoes, making sure all of Lucie’s medical supplies were packed, spilt coffee in the car, backseat “He’s looking at me!!”, tears and the list goes on.

To say that I was mortified when Lucie’s suitcase hit you… would be an understatement. That line couldn’t move fast enough…. But your reaction spoke volumes to me. In her mind, your forgiveness, compassion, and sweet banter with her made you two friends with her for life. And then to top it off, the sweet bag of furry friends you sent to our seats completely sealed your fate.

You…

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A Note Was Found At The Airport That Said “Read Me.”

What a brave act! Reblogged from Kindness Blog

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A man came across a folded piece of paper while he was at San Francisco airport that said ‘read me‘ on the front.  How could anyone possibly resist that invitation?  He knew he just had to look.  So, he did.

And what he discovered inside was surprising and wonderful…

note from a stranger

This is what was inside… (scroll down to read a typed up version)

note from a stranger

“I recently left an emotionally abusive relationship After months of insults I wont repeat, false accusations, lies, delusions, broken mirrors, nightly battles…. I left. I know that I was being poisoned by each day that I stayed. So with a heavy heart, I left my lover of three years, knowing that I had already put it off too long. At first he begged, then he cursed, but eventually he packed his bags and faded out of my life like a bad dream.

For the first few weeks, my…

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