If You Don’t Ask, I won’t Tell

imageMy little one got off the school bus with black gooey stuff in her long hair one afternoon.

“How in the world did that get in your hair?”

“Margie scooped some melted stuff out of the bus window and mashed it in my hair.”

“Are you sure it was Margie?  I need to call the bus driver.” ………

“Ms. Parker, a little girl named Margie smeared black gooey stuff in my daughter’s hair.  I need to talk to her mother and straighten this out.  Can you help me?”

She seemed a little huffy.  “I’ve never known Margie to do such an awful thing!”

“Well, my little girl’s hair is a mess.  She says Margie is the one who stuck this gunk in it.  You know, she’s only in kindergarten.  She says Margie is a big, big girl.  If I could just get my hands on that Margie, I think I’d wring her neck!(figure of speech)

Ms. Parker moved the phone away from her mouth a little, shouting, “MARGARET ANN PARKER!  Did you put something in Kate’s hair?”

Uh oh!  Had I known I was speaking directly to the big, bad Margie’s mother, it’s possible I might have been a bit more diplomatic.

The tiny, squeaky voice of a child who must have been all of six could be heard in the background, answering politely.  “Yes Ma’am.  I didn’t know it would stick.”  I heard a smart,  “smack, smack, smack!  and a pathetic wails.  I felt lower than dirt.

She came back to the phone, speaking to me emphatically. “She won’t do it again!”   Click.  She hung up in my ear.

Turning to my daughter, belatedly, it occurred to me to ask, “Did you know Margie was the bus driver’s daughter?”

“”Yes, Ma’am.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before I called her.  I would have been a little nicer!”

“You didn’t ask.”

Rudy and the Fancy Pants

thV6WP7HBZMy parents had very strict standards of appropriate courtship behavior. Some were objective: No dating till sixteen. No expensive or personal gifts. No gifts of clothing. Tasteful gifts included inexpensive perfume, flowers, and books. Some were Continue reading

Beauty from Salvaged Materials

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This project was conceived when I wanted a computer table made from reclaimed lumber.  My brother-in-law was tearing down an old barn.  I salvaged several old oak boards from his burn pile.  My sister offered me this old gate leg table frame that had been standing in the barn for years.  In the first picture, you can see the Continue reading

Something for Almost Nothing

boxWe just love making somethings out of nothing.  Spring is here and I have been working overtime finding lots of nothings.  Bud is retired.  His new full-time job is helping me make somethings out of them.  Today was my first day to really get out and fill this Continue reading

Rare Gift

bowl and pitcherAmong my possessions, I number one precious gift from my father.  He had a bowl and pitcher set made for me and each of my three sisters.  I have mine in my writing room, where I see it every time I enter and leave.  I only remember him buying me two gifts.  The other was a keychain he bought in Mexico, which fell Continue reading

Just One Orange Cap Too Far

Runt RiderBilly was Daddy’s shadow, making every step he made. One evening, they were sitting with several of the guys on logs around a fire telling tales. Billy had worked hard to keep up with his new orange hunting cap all day, only too aware of how lucky he was to Continue reading

Joke

embarrassedA dear friend of mine who had a glass eye told me this joke.  He thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.  If you’re feeling sensitive, please don’t judge me.  Just don’t read any further.

Charley wasn’t entirely socially comfortable about his new eye.  Times were hard during the depression.  He’d had to whittle and paint it himself, so it wasn’t the best.  His buddies were trying to get him to ask the girls to dance on Saturday night.  He kept putting it off, dreading being turned down.  Finally he got his nerve up, noticing a young lady standing off to one side, she was lovely, but clearly shy, since she kept covering her harelip with her hand when she smiled.

He decided to take a chance, thinking all she could do was say no.  He sidled up, asking if she’d like to dance.

She was thrilled, “Would I?  Would I?”

Stunned, he retorted, “Harelip! Harelip!”

So often we are listening so hard to what we think, we can’t hear others!

Loving My Babies

Kate and JohnOn the subject of preference among children, I loved both my children best. Enjoying a loving moment with one, I’d think, “I could never love another child this much!” Conversely, when I was with the other, I’d have the same thought. I confess, I didn’t always treat them the same. One was more wayward, pushing as far as they dared, knowing I couldn’t commit murder, as attractive as it might seem at the moment. Most of the time, the other child was empathetic, well-behaved, a total joy, unless they weren’t, which also certainly happened on memorable occasions. Sometimes the needs of one overshadowed the other, challenging us to the maximum of our feeble parenting skills.

Often either, one of them would cuddle up to me, asking, “Who do you love more, me or ……….? I usually delighted them by saying, “Well, you can never tell, but right now, I love you more.” They found my other answer equally delightful. “You’re so silly! You know I don’t like either of you!” Then they’d dissolve into a fits of giggles as I tickled them. They loved either answer, secure, knowing I loved them, no matter what.

Finally!

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