Month: May 2015

Joke of the Day

It was the young man’s first day on the job.  He was working up a storm, getting papers filed, answering the phone, just doing everything that came his way.  The boss was impressed.

“You’re doing a great job young fella.  Where’d you learned to work like that?”

“Yale!”

“That’s wonderful.  I can see you’re going to go far with us.  What’s your name?”

“Yimmy Yackson.”

Peeing in the Wilderness

laughing snakeThis peeing in the wilderness story is from a dear friend who will remain nameless since she has threatened me sufficiently and believably.  Some lovely young things were once touring the rural countryside when they realized they were miles from the nearest bathroom.  They weren’t concerned since they were country girls, skilled in country arts.  Continue reading →

Pass the Pees, Please

imageYou haven’t lived till you’re way out in the country and realize nature is calling miles from the nearest bathroom.  Mother was walking with her elderly Aunt Mary when they understood they were in just such a predicament.  They were about a half-mile from from Continue reading →

Joke of the day

imageJoe never studied his Sunday School lesson and Miss Tillie decided to shame him a little.

“Joe, did you study your lesson?”

“Yess’um.” Continue reading →

No Honor among Thieves

wildflowersI won’t bother to lie.  That was me you saw on the side of that country road or on that old home place in the country digging up plants..and that little, bitty old lady you saw with me; that was my mama.   She’s my look out and spotter. When arrested, I won’t even be able to claim the act was spontaneous, since I keep a nice little camping shovel and plastic bags under my truck seat especially for my thieving excursions.  I’ll probably try to explain that Mother has Alzheimer’s and escaped from me, but that might not fly, since I’ll be the one out wading in the muck while she’s standing by the truck, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Just so you know, I’m not the only thief she raised.  My sister, Connie makes raids just like I do.  We both make sure to get enough to share, since it’s inevitable one of us will eventually get caught.  Bud swears he won’t bail me out, but I suspect he’ll come get me when he gets hungry.  Mother is on her own.  She should have raised us better.

Joke

The retired railroad engineer didn’t have a lot going on, so he got in the habit of going to the movies into the afternoon.  In fact, in one movie the bad guys were chasing the cowboy in the white hat when the train came by and separated them, letting  him get away.  He saw that one nine times.  When he went to buy his tenth ticket, the ticket seller asked him why he wanted to see it again.

“I’ve worked for the railroad for forty years.  I know that sooner or later that train’s gonna be late and I want to see what happens.”

Flowers!

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I am one happy mama.  My kids both gave me gift cards for flowers for Mother’s Day.  I loaded up today. All the crazy old ladies pushing carts around in the garden department were jealous of me.  I will be knee deep in dirt tomorrow and happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.  Now I wish I’d had a few more kids.   I might hock something and go back to get some more stuff. Thanks, kids.

Joke

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“Hey Oldtimer, have you lived here all your life?”

“Nope, not yet.”

The Trouble With Syrup

imageI didn’t like having syrup for breakfast on school mornings when I was a little kid since I was was lazy about washing up afterwards.  In class, my papers stuck to me all morning till I went out at recess.  Then I usually romped around and came back in with dirt sticking to the syrupy patches.  Either way, I lost.