A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”
Month: June 2015
Evil Incarnate on a Pink Tricycle
Mother gets pretty hot about a few things. One of these is problems with mail delivery. One day, she got to her mailbox to find her mail tattered,torn, and lying on the ground. Worst of all, a government check had been ripped. Somebody was going to pay for this crime! Rabid with rage, she cornered a couple of kids who gladly gave up the perpetrator to save their own sorry hides. They’d seen a little blonde-haired girl with pig-tails standing on her pink tricycle rifling through Mother’s box. Mother gave the little snitches a five dollar reward after they located the child’s tricycle parked in front of a house two streets over.
Armed with this information, Mother called the Sheriff’s Department to report the heinous crime. Regaling him every shocking detail, the criminal’s description, description of the getaway vehicle, and last known address. The deputy laughed, asking if she’d had the check back.
“Yes, but that’s not the point. I want this stopped! Tampering with the mail is a Federal Crime!”
“Lady, what do you want me to do, put out an APB on a little three-year-old girl on a pink tricycle?
Joke of the Day
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!”
“What makes you say that?” he asked, putting on an innocent look.
“The pub called — you left your wheelchair there again.”
Hear No Evil
Warning: Triggers for victims child 
sexual abuse.
Betsy was overweight,unkempt, and shunned by the other kids. “Everybody” knew she “did” it with Jimmy in his barn whenever he wanted to. She didn’t deny it, even though he called her a pig. When the home-economics teacher stepped out of class one day, Betsy told us her step-daddy got in bed with her whenever her parents had a fight. We were all repulsed, thinking she was “talking dirty.” He was known to be an alcoholic, frequently drunk in public. She told us he beat the whole family. She frequently bore bruises. None of us reported it to anybody. I was disgusted, avoiding her like the plague. Wild horses couldn’t have dragged that story out of me. Becky’s step-father despised her for her illegitimacy. The couple had two younger girls and a boy together. ,Who knows if they suffered the same abuse as Becky did
Life went on. I heard Betsy married and had children. Years later, she did prison time for molesting boys in her neighborhood. Who knows how many children were hurt? By the time she came out of prison, she was in very poor health, living out her life with her mother and a different step-father. What a shame no one was there for this sad child early on, including me.
Big Mouth
When my brother Billy was a kid, my parents dreaded hearing whatever might come out of his mouth. Daddy took him to the store with him one day. As Billy stood on the top step, Daddy and his friend Mr. Shorty stood on the ground talking. Billy happily reached over, patted Mr. Shorty affectionately on his bald head, and said, “Well hello, little, short fat man.”
Not long afterward, Mother looked out the kitchen window to see Daddy’s friend with one leg, Mr. Charley headed to the front door. She rushed to the living room, trying to get there before Billy, could ask what happened to his other leg. She was too late. As she walked into the room, Biily turned from Mr. Charley at the door to tell her, “Mama, a skeeter bit his leg off!”
My cousin kept hitting Billy. Mother told Billy to “hit hit back.” The next time that kid showed up, Billy kept asking Mother, “Can I hit him now, Mama? Can I hit him now?”
Fascinating Headstone
Just got back from a visit to family and brought this souvenir back to share with all of you. In Mulberry Cemetery, between Amsterdam and Amoret, Missouri, this marker stands near the worn original marking the grave. The epitaph reads:
Here Lies the Remains of Henderson B. Clark Born Dec. 4. 1847 Murdered For His Cattle Aug. 27. 1878 By Richard Isaacs Who Was Captured Sept. 5. Tried And Sentenced To Death Sept. 25. And Executed Oct 29. 1879.
Reportedly, Richard Isaac’s grave was in the same cemetery with a gravestone telling his story, though we could not find it.
Joke of the Day
The young fella walked in fom the country wearing only one shoe.
“Oh, I see you lost a shoe.” Said the first guy he met.
“No, I found one!” said the country boy.
Guests, Like Fish, Start to Smell After Three Days
I am an excellent guest. We went to visit relatives this weekend, but I don’t ever expect to be invited back.
I pulled bathroom curtain loose while showering. When I called Bud to fix it, We had to get through the requisite question first. “Why did you pull it loose?”
“I was kicking at the toilet. I intended to break it and the mirror over the sink, but this is all I managed, for the moment. I am so disappointed in myself. Can you fix it anyway? I’ll get to the rest of it as soon as I can.”
Grudgingly, he put the window curtain back up.
Later, we made a little trip into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store. Buzzy, our dog, and Bud’s aunt had gotten quite friendly. She said he could stay with her since she was going to nap while we were gone. I was a little concerned how that might go. Hurrying back, I dreaded asking, “Did he do okay?”
“Did you see that movie, ‘Call of the Wild’?” As soon as you left, he howled about every thirty seconds the whole time you were gone.”
Guest Post All in a Day’s Work From Edwina’s Episodes
What a thrill! I have been able to snag the lovely and talented Judy Martin from Edwina’s Episodes to Guest Post on Nutsrok. This is particularly apropos, since we share being nurses and messing up a lot. I am so happy to have her here. Be sure to check her blog!
I had only been on my new ward less than a month and nobody really knew what to make of me. I was training to do a new job that nobody had heard of, as it was just being introduced (a similar role to the State Enrolled Nurse which had been disbanded 10 years before)! I was very quiet as I was still getting to know people, and getting used to the way the ward worked.
Patient care was still top priority and I was working in a bay, looking after six elderly ladies, one of whom had been given some ‘prep’ ahead of her scheduled colonoscopy. It duly did its job, rather too well, as the poor woman had little time to react to the explosion that ensued. I cleaned her up as best as I could as well as the chair. Unfortunately liquid, molten poo has a habit of getting everywhere and I was slipping around in it, as it was also on the floor.
Eventually I got the lot cleaned up, but did not realise that I had some of it spattered on my uniform, which did not go unnoticed by a senior nurse, so I was sent off to theatres to get some scrubs to change into. Immediately! I dabbed at the mess with a cleansing wipe trying to get some of it off before I went, but succeeded in making it look worse.
I arrived at theatres where it seems, part of the criteria of working there is a snooty, not to mention snotty attitude. I asked politely if I could have some scrubs, which I was then made to repeat, When asked why I needed them I explained, and gestured to the poo for good measure, which was met with such a look of disdain that I commented huffily that it wasn’t my poo! I don’t know why I thought it sounded any better, but the scrubs were reluctantly handed over, and I was ordered to return them ASAP.
I went off to the loos and changed into the scrubs. Great, she had given me a ginormous top (I know I am not skinny but this was massive) and long trousers (I am only 5ft 2”). I trotted back to the ward looking ridiculous and noticed a couple of sympathetic smiles aimed my way.
I went to put my soiled uniform in my locker (most people didn’t bother with lockers but I was new so thought it a good idea) and went rummaged around my outsized shirt but I couldn’t find the key! Panic! I scrabbled about frantically searching my person for it. Nothing! I asked the Ward Clerk if she had a spare key. She didn’t.
I retraced my steps to the loos and back to the dreaded theatres, who looked at my wild-eyed red-faced demeanour and desperate to get rid of me, didn’t even bother looking, just said they hadn’t got it. I was really upset by now and more than a little het up. It was now coming up for break time and I was told to go on first break. I was glad of this as I thought I could relax, have a cigarette (or three) as I was smoking then, and start the search for me key afresh.
Wonderful except that my cigarettes were in my locker! Sod it! I was nearly on the verge of tears, but one of the other nurses was a smoker and I bit the bullet and asked her if I could please have one of hers (I have never done that in my life before and felt awful). She was great and let me have one.
Anyway, suffice it to say, the key was not found. Estates had to be called, and when they came onto the ward were moaning about people losing keys and that they should have to pay for it blah, blah. I stayed out the way! They had to break the bloody lock off in the end. What a day!
Link to my guest post on Edwina’s Episodes
http://edwinasepisodes.com/2015/06/04/check-it-out-guest-post-by-linda-bethea/#respond
Nutsrok 