Day: August 16, 2015

I Smell a Rat

Reblog of an older post from Nutsrok

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

imageConnie and Marilyn and two of their friends had been talking about sleeping in the barn for quite a while. They’d built themselves a lovely hideaway over the feed room where they spent many hours together.  On one of the coldest nights of the year, they convinced themselves the time had come.  Mother and Daddy weren’t concerned about

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Creepy Vintage Picture

Creepy

I just love vintage pictures.  What in the world do you suppose was going on here?  I am going to hang on to this on.  I know I will need it for a story sometime.  It deserves screams for one!

Evening Chuckle

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

“No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”

Joke

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different!

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”

–

Lovely Old Barn

Old barn

Though my father saw a barn a’building, I saw a cathedral of rough-hewn lumber rising in the lot behind our house. Mr. Bradley, a crotchedy old grandpa in khakis, showed up about daybreak every morning for coffee, then shuffled on to his barn building. He and a helper worked all day till Daddy and a couple of his buddies took over and worked on as Continue reading →

Ask Auntie Linda, August 16, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband and I have been married since I was eighteen.  He is stingy, mean, and controlling and always has been.  I would have left him long ago if it hadn’t been for the times we share with our grown children, our only good times together.  My mother left my father after I was grown and I was just devastated.  I have lots of friends and would love to have a good sex partner.  What do I do?  I hate to waste the rest of my life.  Miserable at home

Dear Miserable, Chances are, your adult children aren’t blind.  If you are miserable, there is no need for you to stay with a man who is stingy, mean, and controlling.  What would you tell your child or best friend to do?  Take your own good advice.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My girlfriend and I have been together four years and have a three-year-old.  She just gave birth to a daughter.  The timing is wrong for this baby to be mine.  I have not confronted her, since I haven’t made up my mind how to handle this.  I love the baby and want the children to grow up together.  How do I handle this?  Crossed

Dear Crossed,  It’s not a good idea to hide from the truth.  You may get past the problem, but it’s better to sort this out now.  You have trust issues with your girlfriend and may have trust issues with this child later down the road.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am so mortified.  I gave a co-worker, Maggie,  a ride to and from work for years since she didn’t drive.  Every evening, as a matter of routine, we stopped off at the corner grocery for her while I waited in the car.  She was never more than five minutes.  She’d always called ahead so her groceries were bagged.  She just zipped in and out.  Last week, Maggie was admitted to the hospital with a bleeding ulcer and died.  Turns out, she was an alcoholic.  Everybody at work was wondering how on earth she got her beer.  Her husband never let her go anywhere alone.  Turns out, I had to be the source.  I feel so awful.  Her “groceries” were a case of beer.  I was the “one.”  Enabled

Dear Enabled, You did not enable.  You did a friend a kindness in providing transportation to and from work.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Auntie Linda

Joke of the Day

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs.”
The rancher says, “Okay , but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis Bull……
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your badge… Show him your badge!!”