Dear Auntie Linda, My mother is eighty-five years old.  She lives very close to me.  Her mind is sharp, but she is a hoarder, smokes, and wastes money on Bingo.  She can barely make it on her Social Security Check and my father’s pension. I feel bad for the neighbors.  They know I keep trying to help her clean her house up, but she won’t let me.  She gets meals from meals on wheels and the containers stack up if I don’t go in and get them out.  I know she would have rats otherwise. I have also tried get her quit smoking and get wasting money on Bingo.  Even when she wins, she gives it right back the next week.  She just gets mad at me. I would love to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee or a meal at Mother’s table like I used to. Also, don’t be so sure her mind is so sharp. Sounds like she’s slipping.  Trying to help

Dear Trying.  Though it is difficult to put up with, your mother is eighty-five and not going to change her habits.  Unless her hoarding is putting her life in danger, there is nothing you can do.  If it flows over to the outside of the house, the neighbors will probably report it and the city will get involved.  Don’t even bother with the smoking and Bingo. How hard this must be for you.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am fifty-six years old.  I am a college graduate, but foolishly never pursued a career after my marriage.  I worked part-time when we first married, but my husband could support us, so I looked for a while, then got comfortable not working.  My husband lost his job in his early fifties.  We went through his retirement pretty quickly.  Now he is sixty-six, on dialysis, has a terminal brain tumor, and is going into a nursing home next week. He is only expected to live for weeks.   I don’t know what I will do.  It has been downhill financially for us for years.  Our house is decrepit.  We have no income except for his social security  which will go with him when he goes to the nursing home.  Our house will be seized for taxes after January 1.  I have no income, no family, and soon will soon have no home.  I don’t even have decent clothes to look for a job.  Where do I turn?  Terrified

Dear Terrified,  This is indeed an awful situation.  You do some skills.  This is a well-organized letter. Though your degree may not be recent or in a field that will get you a job, it does show you can learn. If you don’t have clothes, get to Salvation Army, a local church, or women’s shelter to discuss your dilemma.  Lots of places help with job placement and help people get a leg up looking for a job.  Your local job service can help with placement.  If needed, you might find a live-in job such as an apartment manager, nanny, care-giver, or home-maker.  A live-in nanny who would home-school and travel with a family would be an excellent job.  Good luck.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I married Lucy more than forty years ago when I first got out of service.  Her told me her parents were dead; she had no other family.  It’s not been a  happy marriage, but we’ve managed to stay together and raise our family.  She’s never been close to me or the children.  One Sunday afternoon, about two weeks ago, a woman knocked on the door.  She was Lucy’s daughter from a previous marriage, a marriage Lucy never bothered to mention.  It turns out, Lucy had three children from that marriage.  She’d walked out on them and her husband, marrying me without benefit of divorce.  The man since divorced Lucy.  Now, it seems, Lucy and I are not married, nor are our children legitimate.  They are furious.  What do I do?  Surprised and Angry

Dear Surprised, Talk to a lawyer.  At least you will know where you stand.  Spend some time deciding what you want.  Looks like Lucy might have pooped in her mess kit.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a thirty-one-year-old mother of five.  I married a man from my church when I was seventeen.  I wanted to marry him, but I wasn’t allowed to see anyone outside my church.  I was home-schooled, which means I did a little school work sometimes while I took care of my eight younger brothers and sisters, cooked, sewed, cleaned, worked in the garden, and helped my mother with the ironing and sewing she took in to help ends meet.  I need to get out of my marriage. Though you’d never believe to see him in church, my husband cheats, is hateful to me and the kids, and doesn’t support us.  I have no where to turn.  My parents and church believe the wife must be submissive to the husband.  There is no way I can support my children. I have no education or skills. What do I do?  Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,  If you left your husband, you could apply for welfare benefits and get loans and grants for education.  There are other benefits you could apply for.  It is always possible there are shelters in your area.  There may be income assisted apartments you could qualify for.  Good luck.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My wife keeps taking money out of the household budget to buy plants for the yard.  She doesn’t care if the children have milk.  What do I do?  Desperate

Dear Desperate, The woman sounds like a saint!  Get a second job.  Milk is overrated.  Auntie Linda