Dear Auntie Linda,  My five grown kids are moochers.  One of them is always needing something.  I sixty-eight years old, divorced, and drawing social security, but still have to work part-time just to get by.  My house needs a new roof, and my old car needs tires.  Just when I think I am getting a little ahead, one of the kids gets their lights cut off or runs out of milk for the baby. Two grandchildren spend the night four nights a week while my daughter works the night shift.  I want to help her since she is a single mother barely scraping by, but half the time she doesn’t bring diapers. They always seem to have money for fishing, cigarettes, and beer.   I raise a big garden and they pile in for tomatoes and vegetables, but never lift a finger.  How do I get them to grow up?  Worked to the Bone.

Dear Worked to the Bone,  You won’t always be here to help.  You just have to toughen up and say “No.”  It would be very uncomfortable to get by without electricity for a few days, but they would manage and figure out how to pay it next time.  The baby has to have milk, but you can make it clear you can’t buy milk or diapers, they can plan better.  Necessities come ahead of fishing, cigarettes, and beer.  If you haven’t told them what a burden they are, it’s time you did. It’s not hard to do the math.  Your income barely supports you. As for the garden, if they want goodies, they need to help. It’s a lot easier for them to yell for help than to plan ahead.   They are obviously quite comfortable depending on you to bail them out.  You are not a bank!  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband I were childhood sweethearts, have been married four years and have a two-year-old.  We live about a hundred miles from our parents   We want the baby to know his grandparents so we go home for the weekend about every two months.   My parents and his only live about three miles apart.  Both sets are jealous and competitive about our time when we go home for a visit.  No matter how we divide our time up, somebody is mad.  Holidays are the worst.  We never get to visit old friends because of their demands.  How do we handle this?  Ragdoll

Dear Ragdoll, Your parents are fortunate you visit this often.  Since somebody is always mad anyway, it is up to you to decide how you spend your time.  You could alternate weekends, one this time, one the next, and have Sunday lunch with the other, and switch the next time.  You could also alternate holidays. It is your decision, not theirs.  If they want time with you, they could visit as well.  One hundred miles is not that far.  The road goes both ways.  Auntie Linda