Day: November 5, 2015

Ask Auntie Linda, November 5, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My father died last year.  He and my mother owned two homes.  Mother doesn’t want to live alone in a distant city since Dad died.  She moved into the apartment attached to my home in rural Tennessee.  She gets along really well and my family and I enjoy her company.  My three small children love having their grandmother here.  Mother is only sixty-two and in excellent health.  She wants to sell her two homes, one in New York and one in the Bahamas and build a house nearby.  Two of my siblings are furious that she wants to sell “their inheritance.”  They are both single with no children and believe I am using my children to influence Mother.  They are making her miserable.  How do I convince them I don’t have a finger in the pie? Spoiled Siblings

Dear Spoiled, Your mother will have to handle this.  If I were in this position, I’d remind the all my children that I planned to live awhile and need home now.  When I am dead, they will get whatever I feel the deserve in my will.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband has started attending a  bizarre fundamentalist church.  He contributes way over what we can afford.  I have attended this church and feel it is cult-like.  I told him I want nothing to do with it.  Last Sunday, he came home telling me he is entering the ministry, selling our house, and moving into the church compound.  He has always been too dominant but now he is moving toward irrational.  What do I do  I don’t work and have small children.  I don’t know if I can make it on my own.  Not Churchy

Dear Not Churchy,  Talk to a lawyer.  You can go to legal aid if needed.  Sounds like you need to have a plan.  Women make it all the time who think they can’t.  Best the heck out of trying to escape from a cult and then figuring out how to make it on your own.

Email Auntie Linda  lbeth1950@hotmail.com

Afternoon Funny

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If I Were a Rich Man!

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I hate this.  After the recent storm, we had a leak around the flashing around our chimney.  Bud is perfectly willing and able to do repairs, but I hate seeing him pull out the ladder to climb on the roof.  He finished the repair and was back safely on the ground in ten minutes and saved the cost of a repair.  He’s always reminding me he’s not a rich man, but I believe he would still do this if he were.   What you don’t see is me waiting and watching below.  We are both retired RNs, with extensive experience taking care of those who have fallen of roofs.  Thank God, all went well!

i hate this

Joke of the Day

Cowboy Jokes

Talking Animals

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Old Friend sitting on his porch. He figures he’ll have a little fun… Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?” Old Friend: “Dog no talk.”

Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?” Dog: “Doin’ alright.” Old Friend: extreme look of shock

Cowboy: ” Is this man your owner?” pointing at Old Friend. Dog: “Yep”

Cowboy: “How does he treat you?” Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.” Old Friend: look of disbelief.

Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?” Old Friend: “Horse no talk.”

Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?” Horse: “Cool.” Old Friend: extreme look of shock

Cowboy: “Is this your owner? ” pointing at Old Friend. Horse: “Yep”

Cowboy: “How’s he treat you?” Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.”

Old Friend: total look of amazement

Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”

Old Friend: “Sheep Lie.”

Be Careful What You Wish For

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. “Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot – I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “Okay, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like to be built like this here horse I’m riding.”

The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.” The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, “Oh my God, I was riding the mare!”

Lost Control…

At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, “That new bull nearly did me in today, pardner.”
“Oh yeah, what happened?” asked the other cowboy.

“I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!” replied the first cowboy.

“So, how’d you get away?” asked the other cowboy.

“The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over,” replied the first cowboy.

“Man, that’s scary! If it’d been me, I would probably have crapped all over the place,” remarked the second cowboy.

The first cowboy replied, “I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?”