Dear Auntie Linda, I have visited Great-Aunt Virgie every summer since I was a child.  She still lives alone in the little mountain valley cabin where she raised her family.  The cabin needs a lot of work or it will fall down soon.  She is now eighty-six.  Summer before last, we noticed she was slipping a little and called us by the wrong names a lot.  Our last visit was very worrisome, though she never left her stove on or appeared to get lost.  She is getting paranoid, thinking her neighbor of forty years is trying to steal her tobacco lease and did try to cook some sausage that was off.  When we went upstairs to go to bed, mice had gotten into the upstairs bedrooms and the beds were covered in rat pellets.  A window had fallen out and the rugs had molded.  My husband repaired the window, leaky toilet, porch steps, put a new gas line on her stove.  Hers was leaking and she was turning it off at the wall every time she got through cooking.   We cleaned the house from end to end, outfitting the all the beds in fresh bedding.  She wouldn’t let us throw the moldy rugs, so we took them out, beat them, and sprayed with disinfectant.  My husband did some much needed plumbing repairs in the kitchen.  We worked non-stop for two weeks.

We talked to my cousin.  He has since taken her to live with him and his wife.  Great-Aunt Virgie wrote us recently, letting us know Cousin Robert will bring her back home whenever we are ready to visit.  We never intend to go back there after that last miserable trip.  We told her we’d get a room near Cousin Robert and visit, but she is insistent.  How do we handle this?  We don’t want to go to her house again.  It’s sure to be in worse shape if she’s been gone for months.  Reluctant Guest

Dear Reluctant, Talk to Cousin Robert.  Let him know you won’t make it to her cabin this summer, but would like to get a room and visit her there in his town.  Once you’ve made sure he knows the plan, you can write and let her know you can only stay a couple of days and will take a room near them.  Don’t let Cousin Robert mess you up.  He might want you to do more repairs.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I moved in with a friend while I was still in high school.  My mother is toxic and my father has a serious brain-injury.  I moved out because his behavior was inappropriate.  He had no sexual-inhibitions and grabs any girl or woman within reach.  He said whatever crossed his mind.  Even though he was a wonderful father before his accident, that man is gone.  Life with him was way too stressful.  I had to leave to save my sanity.  My wedding is coming up soon.  I want a story-book wedding.  My mother wants to reconcile.  I don’t want her or my father anywhere near me.  My mother is threatening to show up with my father, saying it is her right as a mother.  I haven’t seen her or my father in six years, though my cousins say nothing has changed.  My mother is still horrible, behaving like a total witch when she is crossed and my father is no better than when I fled home.  My life has been so much better without any contact.  I can’t go back into that hell and don’t want my wedding ruined.  Am I horrible to be planning to leave them out.  What do I do?  Orphan By Choice

Dear Orphan,  If you fear your mother will intrude bringing your father, maybe you should consider having a destination wedding with only a few guests you can trust not to break your confidence.  No one has to know your plans.  People do that all the time.  Auntie Linda