Month: November 2015

Joke of the Day

Sunday10

'If the Pope is pious, does that mean he's full of pie?'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

Sunday 7

'I'm beginning to feel bad about skipping church for a cookout.'

‘I’m beginning to feel bad about skipping church for a cookout.’

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?”
One child answered, “Mary.”
The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?”
A little kid said, “Verge.”
Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?”
The kid said, “Well, you know they are always talking about
Verge n’ Mary.”


 After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
“That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”


Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting
together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
“You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
“See those two men standing by the door?
They’re hushers.”


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”


A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.
“He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
“Did God throw him back down?”

Mindfulness Meditation Challenge

Reblogged. This is a good post.

Carhartt Overalls – So Manly They Make Little Girls out of Grown Men

Re logged from Bzirkone. Love this story!

bzirkone's avatarBzirkWorld

tieFive years ago I visited Mickey’s Surplus in Kansas City and found a sale on Carhartt overalls. I didn’t yet know the full impact of the Carhartt brand but I knew it was a pretty big deal because of a giant family riff some years earlier over a particular Carhartt jacket I’d found in a closet and given to the wrong male family member who procrastinated about returning the jacket when the actual owner turned up and recommended the jacket be given back. It took a while for that little deal to die down.

I found some brand-new Carhartt overalls on sale for $17.00 at Mickey’s and I thought…hmmm…Christmas is coming up. So, I dug through the giant pile of canvas pants until I found two pair in the right sizes, one for my husband and one for my son-in-law.

My husband was almost tickled pink over the outfit and…

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Funny Comment

Got the comment from Bzirkone

Post it to your site if you think it’s funny:

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors’ daughter. I’m 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors’ daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke d own and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I’d leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it’s clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Awesome Life Down on the Farm: You Gotta Have Guts

Farm BoyDaddy loved home remedies and dosed his kids and livestock readily.   Mother did run interference for us on cow chip tea and coal oil and sugar, but did let him load us with sulphur and molasses for summer sores. We never got summer sores, probably because we reeked so much we didn’t tempt mosquitoes. I do appreciate Mother for putting her foot down when his ideas got too toxic. No telling what kind of chromosome damage she saved us. Continue reading →

Afternoon Funny

reunion 1

"He's wearing a life jacket just in case this brings back a flood of memories."

reunion 4

'That's your Uncle Joe. He's the black sheet of the family.'

‘That’s your Uncle Joe. He’s the black sheet of the family.’

Another restraining order. This was the last time he'd try to plan a family reunion.

reunion 7 reunion 8School Reunion

Jack hadn’t been to a school reunion in decades.
When he walked in, Jack thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting.
“You look like Helen Brown,” he remarked.
“Well”, replied the angry woman, “you don’t look so great in blue either!”

Old is when… your sweetie says, “Lets go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”…your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’rebarefoot….a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garagedoor nearest your car….you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick….going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face….you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’thave to go along….when it takes longer to rest than to get tired….when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by thepolice….”getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fiber today….”getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot… an “all nighter” means not getting up to pee! Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds? Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?


At their high school reunion Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.

Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: “My son is a doctor and he’s got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?”

Esther replies, “Unfortunately, Morty and I don’t have any children and so we have no grandchildren either.”

Sarah says, “No children…. and no grandchildren! So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?”

Ask Auntie Linda, November 14, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a widow on a fixed income.  My only daughter Megan is thirty-two years old.  Despite her two degrees, she has never had a job, though she puts in applications frequently, but only applies for professional positions in her field.  She never gets up before one in the afternoon.  I know she is not drinking or doing drugs, since she never leaves the house.  She just stays up all night.  Though I am her mother, I have to admit, her appearance and personality are a big part of the problem.  She wears a size twenty-two, has sloppy hair and grooming, and chatters nervously.  If I were hiring, I probably wouldn’t choose her.  I won’t live forever and am worried she will end up homeless since we struggle by on my retirement check.  Do you have any advice for me?  Near Penniless

Dear Near Penniless,  I know you are worried.  Things don’t look good for Megan.  It is time for her to take whatever she can get.  It is better to be an underemployed at a low wage than be an overqualified unemployed person. Is there anyone besides you who could talk to her?  Goodwill Industries has an excellent job training and job skills program.  She needs to talk to them.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My eighty year old mother just moved in with me and my husband, not because she needs help, but because she didn’t want to invest in her aging house at her age.  She gets along fine and doesn’t require assistance.  The problem is, I don’t really feel comfortable leaving her alone when we go out of town.  She still drives and in her old community, she had friends in for coffee every day.  We live in a more rural area and don’t even know our neighbors. If she had trouble, she might not be found.  I have four siblings who say they’d be glad to have her for the weekend when we leave, but somehow, it never works out.  It’s always a bad weekend, they have other plans, or they have to babysit the grandchildren.  I worry when she is alone, even though she has a cell phone.  What can you suggest?  Mama’s Girl

Dear Mama’s Girl, Let your siblings know they need to take a turn.  Give them plenty of notice of your plans and tell them it’s up to them to work it out between themselves, otherwise you will pick one and take Mama over there yourself.  Auntie Linda

Joke of the Day

image
Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest,” I’m Jesus Christ.” The Priest replys,” No son, you’re not!” So he says to the second,”I’m Jesus Christ.” He says,”No, son, you’re not.” The drunk says,” Look I can prove it.” He takes the two Preists into the bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says,” JESUS CHRIST YOU’RE HERE AGAIN!!!”
A pastor was caught stealing in the church by a member of the church. This was the conversation between them
Pastor: Blessed are those who see and don’t talk
Member: For they shall receive their share. Amen

Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well ………?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38″ DD bust, 24″ waist and 34” hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, “Oh My God.”

A Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, “Yeah, okay.”
I said I’m just making a cup of tea do you want one? He said, “Yeah, sure.”
I said I’ve just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, “Yeah, why not.”
I then he sat down and I asked him, “So what now?” He said, “I don’t know I’ve never got this far before!”
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
The priest replies: “Get out. You’re on my side.”

Time To Mingle

Checkout out Momma’s View

amommasview's avatarA Momma's View

You know what? I think it’s time to mingle again. How about we get together and party a little bit? Come over and meet some other bloggers, maybe bring a friend as well? I love meeting new people, so share the news.

It’s easy:

  • Leave the link to your blog in the comment, maybe with a short description of what your blog is all about. You can link to your About page or to your home page or to a post you particularly like.
  • Share one or more links to blogs you enjoy reading as well and maybe let them know that you did and invite them to come over and join in.
  • The more the merrier. So how about you share this post on your blog as well?
  • It’s all about being polite here as well, so go ahead, shake some hands and check out the links that have…

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