How Do You Keep Your Panties Up?

imageCousin Kat was proud of being “conservative.”  She pinched pennies beyond belief, though she could afford to buy whatever she needed.  Should she be given clothes or household items, she’d use only what she absolutely had to have, and sell the rest in a rummage sale.  Her wardrobe was a mish-mash of parts of various outfits.  She might wear a red and white striped sweater vest with a blue and pink polka-dot pullover and heavy gray corduroy skirt or green wool pants with knee socks and loafers or high-top brown boots.  On cool days, she always wore a black wool hat  or wool scarf.  Despite her strange get-ups, she cut an appealing figure  as she darted like a little bird along the trails of her little mountain village late into her eighth decade.  Related to everyone there, she was totally comfortable with her life, and well-thought of by all who knew her.  She worked up into her seventies when she retired to care for her ancient mother and her own ailing husband.  After their deaths, she sat with the elderly in their homes, many of whom were younger than she.imageCousin Kat was proud of her trim figure. We were getting ready to go to church with her on one visit, when she asked Mother,” Do you wear a girdle?”

“Most of the time I don’t.” Mother answered.

“Well, how do you keep your panties up?”  Cousin Kat inquired.

I don’t believe I’d ever heard that particular question before.  Maybe she was taking her frugality too far!

Scary Words

Scary things I’ve heard coming out of my kids’ mouths:

To a messy neighbor:  “My daddy said you need to clean that mess up!”

To my dad: “Climb a weed, Papa!”

Comment as portly lady turns to leave checkout line:  “I was good not to call her a great big old fat lady, wasn’t I Mommy?”

To the dentist who encouraged her to floss:  My mommy won’t buy me any floss.”

Loud protest when I tried to shush my daughter in a restaurant: “He is so a fat man!”

In a grocery store:  “My mommy took my money to buy groceries.”

To the neighbor man:  “My mama’s ta tas are bigger than yours.”  Go figure.

To a kid who had been hitting him:  “My mama said I have to hit you.”  Whack!   There was a little story behind this.

To a visiting relative:  “My mama is tired of you sleeping here.”

To an elderly relative: “You smell like pee.”

To a relative:  “My mama hates your mean little dog.”

My young son to his grandma:  “Not by the hair on YOUR chinny-chin-chin!”

Worst of all:  “My mama said…….”

Women’s Health Week Revisited – Diabetes and It Takes A Family by Author Linda Bethea RN

Reblog from Smorgasbord. Thanks, Sally.

My Dead Aunt’s Coat ( from Memoirs of The Great Depression)

Reblogging.excerpt from Everything Smells Just Like Pole Salad.  Book available in paperback and Kindle edition now.

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

imageNot long after Aunt Ellie’s funeral, Cousin Katie brought her faded, old plum-colored coat to Mama.  “Mr. Blizzard bought this for Aunt Ellie years ago.  The material is real good.  It won’t fit me. Do you want to make it over for one of your girls?

“I sure do.  The cuffs on Kathleen’s coat are over her wrists.  I ‘ve been trying to figure out how I could come up with some heavy material.  This should do good, if you’re sure you can’t use it.”

That caught my attention. I hated that camphor-smelling old coat.  I’d seen skinny, old Aunt Ellie wrapped up head to ankles in that faded old coat, puttering around in the yard or sitting wrapped in it next to the stove on cold days.  The front was spotted and the cuffs slick with age and wear.  I imagined myself creeping around in that worn-out coat, looking…

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Don’t Fence Me In

image imageDaddy was an equal opportunity employer, not that I was grateful. I got to work right alongside him and my brother.  He had forty acres to fence.  That’s a mile of fence. He enlisted his free help, Bill and me. He cleared the right of  way.   We came in really handy for piling the brush and loading  the posts he’d made from the timber. After he dug the post holes with an augur behind his tractor,  we plodded along behind the trailer dropping posts in the holes,

i was totally surprised at the generous offer  he made once all the posts were dropped and we surveued the crooked mile of posts.  “I’ll give you a mickel apiece for every post you set and tamp.  I did a quick calculation.  That would only be about twenty-six dollars to split for the whole miserable job. It didn’t take either us long to turn down that opportunity.

He was ready for us.  Okay, then do it for nothing.  I want it finished this week so we can start stringing wire Saturday.  It was finished.  Saturday morning we were out there with him stretching wire.  I didn’t like that a bit better.