Month: May 2017

Dear Auntie Linda, August 11, 2015

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My parent are in their seventies.  I am their only child.  They are more than comfortable.  My husband and I have two children.  We’d like to move into a better school district but would really struggle to make the payments.  I’ve asked my parents but they don’t want to loan us the money for a down payment.  I am hurt, since I am their only child and heir.  Is this selfish of me?  Only Child

Dear Only, Without knowing the whole story, it’s hard to say.  Your parents may have every penny tied up.  Maybe, like me, they don’t loan what they can’t afford to gift.  A loan, not repaid, creates hard feelings.  It’s always better not to go in too deep.  Your parent’s money, however much or little it is, is theirs to do with as they please, not something you are entitled to.  They may…

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Laugh Your way With the Best Diet Jokes of the Day

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

diet 1diet 2diet3diet4diet5diet 6diet7diet 8diet9diet 10

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Charley’s Tale Part 34

Initially, Ellen was in high spirits about the success of her tea, but afterwards remnanants of conversations niggled at her.  Despite Sarah’s fauning, It occurred to Ellen some of her compliments were over the top.  The references to Titian and Rubens were starting to sting.  Was the simpering little bitch calling her a fat redhead?  Agitated, that laugh she’d heard when Cora announced her echoed louder and louder in her memory.  The longer she thought of it, the angrier she became.

Ellen strolled in to dinner after Charles and the boys were seated.  All three burst out laughing when they saw her hair.  “Dear God, Ellen!  You’d got to get that toned down!” Charles told her, as he wiped away tears with his handkerchief.  “You can’t go out in public like that.”  The boys struggled to get themselves under control.

She’d anticipated a triumphant entry.  This reception undid her pride.  Humiliated, she flew into a rage.  “How dare you laugh in my face!  You’re not fit to wipe the mud from my shoe, none of you and you’re sitting there laughing at me like a bunch of hyenas!” She picked up a vase off the sideboard and slung it at Charles’s head as she whirled to leave the room.  “You disgusting bastards! I hate you!  All of you!”

He ducked and told the boys, “Go on with your dinner.  I’ll go up later.”  Having witnessed so many outbursts from their mother, once the fit was over, they settled down to dinner, occasionally stifling a snicker.

Charles went up to Ellen after dinner.  When she didn’t answer his knock, he tried her door and entered.  “Ellen, I regret laughing, but your hair was a shock.  I’m sure your hairdresser can tone it down before anybody else sees it.  You don’t want people laughing at you.  I don’t want you to be embarrassed.”

“Get out!  Get out!  I don’t want to see your ignorant face!”  She flew at him, pummeling him with her fists and screaming.  The boys flew up the stairs when they heard the fracas,  Charles got her pushed to the bed and held her arms at her sides. “I hate you!  I hate you!” She screamed and struggled to get free.  Wresting herself from his grip, she smashed a crystal vase on her bedside and slashed at him.

“Hold her while I get something to calm her.”  The boys kept her on the bed as she screamed.  She spat the medicine back in Charles’s face and fought even harder.  Finally, he gave up and injected her into calm and left her snoring.  He was desolate at the mess his life had become.  Ellen was getting no better.

Ask Auntie Linda, August 12, 2015

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a seventeen years old, a senior in high school, make good grades, and have never done anything to make my parents distrust me.  We live thirteen miles outside town.  Most kids don’t want to come out this far before going out at night.  My parents let my brother take the car and go out at night or meet friends in town.  I am allowed to use the car in daytime, but they don’t want me driving alone at night in case I break down.  I have a cell phone.  I don’t always want to stay over with a friend or have a guy drive me home.  How can I get them to relax this double standard?  Unfair

Dear Unfair,  That’s a sticky one.  It’s not about trusting you.  It’s about protecting you, which you don’t like a bit better, I’m sure.  Maybe if you promised…

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Gallery

Best of Best Afternoon Dog Funnies

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

dog joke 3dog joke 4Dog Joke 5dog joke 6dog joke 7dog joke 8dog joke9dog-humor cone of shame

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Ask Auntie Linda, September 27, 2015

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I live in a decent, not fancy, neighborhood.  All the residents keep their places mowed, painted, and well-kept, except for one neighbor.  The lady living directly across the street from me is a hoarder.  Her place looks like she is having a garage sale all the time.  Junk cars, old furniture, and hundreds of flower pots are in plain view.  She has old appliances and dozens of containers standing on her porch.  Her shades hang crooked on the windows.  Her grass is tall and she has dozens of cats swarming around.  We ordered Pizza the other night and her cats attacked the Pizza Man.  Several of us talked to her and she threw us off the property.  What can be done about this miserable mess?  Sick of the View

Dear Sick of the View,  You can call the ASPCA or animal control about the cat problem.  You can…

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Charley’s Tale Part 33

Needless to say, Charles was apprehensive about Ellen’s entertaining, but was reassured to know Geneva would be there to help out.  Cora would be serving with Birdie’s assistance.  Cora assured him everything was perfect on his way out to visit the girls at Geneva’s house as he did every morning.  Geneva promised she’d be there way early in case Ellen needed anything.  Ellen had hosted dozens of teas over the years, so Charles felt this would go well.  He had no idea she’d invited twelve instead of just her syncophant friend, Sarah.  Sarah had loyally endured Ellen’s barbs and snide behavior for the dubious benefit of her company for years.

Cora had laid a lovely tea with Ellen’s wedding service.  Dainty cucumber sandwiches and chicken salad sandwich fingers rested on a bed of lettuce on the bottom tier of a serving dish, scones on the middle, and luscious petit fours on the top tier.  More waited in the kitchen.

The parlor and dining room was full of ladies in their finest.  Anticipation was high as no one had seen Ellen for months or really knew the nature of her illness.  At two ten, conversation was buzzing when Cora rang a little silver bell and announced, “The new Mrs. Charles Evans.”  Ellen swept confidently down the stairs into the room. Her short flaming red hair clashed with the bright yellow of the silk dress, her brows and lips heavily made up.  She easily weighed twenty pounds more than when they’d last seen her.  A titter was heard, then nervous laughter.  Sarah quickly glanced around, and sensing disaster, starting clapping as if in congratulation.

Geneva joined in gratefully, then took her daughter’s arm.  Sarah rushed to embrace Ellen, “Oh, Ellen!  You look stunning!  I hardly knew you.”  Truer words were never spoken.  Ellen’s garish red hair and clashing yellow dress were a shocking combination.  Conversation resumed, and Ellen was gratified to be the center of attention.  To hear her tell it, she’d barely been snatched from the jaws of death, and was just now making a brave recovery.  The group was fascinated to hear the tale of little Ginny’s unexpected arrival, and to learn of Ellen’s recent bereavement and the vast inheritance she was soon to receive.

Ellen had little idea of the impression she’d made and felt her return to society was a great success.  Geneva felt sick, knowing her daughter had set tongues to wagging.

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – Book Reading and Interview – Sandra J. Jackson

Charley’s Tale Part 32

With the question of the funeral settled, Ellen gave her full attention to her Thursday Tea.  On Wednesday, Rosalee came by to tint her hair red.  It looked far too pale to Ellen, so she made Rosalee redo it a deep auburn shade, quite a starling change.  Naturally, her lipstick and eyebrow pencil no longer matched, so Ellen sent her out for new shades.  Rosalee was worried about the vibrant hair, lips, and brows, but Ellen was thrilled at the change.  “I hope Dr. Evans is ready for a big surprise!”

” I want to really dazzle my friends at my tea, tomorrow.  This is my first time to see them since I was sick and I want to look young and full of life.”  Ellen stated.

“That new color looks mighty lively!  Are you sure you don’t want me to tone it down?  I don’t want to put Dr. Evans’s nose out of joint.”  Rosalee was worried.

“It’s perfect.  Don’t you worry about the doctor.  He’ll be charmed!” Ellen was delighted with her new look and wanted to make sure Charles didn’t get in her business.  She planned to claim a headache and avoid him that evening.  It would be after eight before he got home since he would be going by Geneva’s to have dinner with the girls on the way home

Ellen strolled into the kitchen the next morning, startling Cora with her brilliant hair and brows. “Sweet Jesus!  I thought somebody done broke in!”  Cora exclaimed, fanning herself.

Ellen took her shocked reaction as a compliment.  “Yes, I am a new woman.  I wanted a new look for my tea.  What do you think?” She asked.

“I sho think you got you a new look!  Yes ma’am!  It ’bout took my breath.” Cora replied, truthfully.

Ellen was delighted.  ” Now here’s what I want you to do.  When my friends get here, I’m going to make a late entry.  Wait at the bottom of the stairs.  When I am on the top step ready to come down, announce, ‘the new Mrs. Charles Evans.”  Then I’ll make my entry.  They will be stunned!”  Ellen giggled like a girl.

“They sho will.”  Cora concurred glumly.