I suffered painfully through a childhood of deprivation, denied the use of titillating words, a victim of being “raised right.” Mother took pride in being ladylike, totally unconcerned about my needs. Worst of all, she set a good example, never uttering an expletive worse than “Durn!” except on two notable occasions. Once she muttered “Damn!” under her breath when I rounded a corner too fast with a grocery cart and pegged the back of her heel while she was on tip-toe reaching for a bottle of ketchup. I was sure she kill me when she recovered. Fortunately, she was too horrified and guilt-ridden to ever mention it again or I wouldn’t be here to tell the story. Some years later, she banged her head on an open cupboard door and swore. She probably concussed herself and self-righteously denies saying “Damn!” to this day.

My bevy of lucky cousins enthusiastically filled me in on titillating words. Their happy chatter was enticingly peppered with butt, doo doo, ka ka, pee pee, and even dookey. My “bottom” was warmed nicely the first time I tossed out “dookey.” From then on, every time I was around the incorrigibles, Mother warned me not to acquire any new words. I had to say “gee gee” and “wee wee” instead of the good ones we all know and love. I can’t convey how humiliating it was to be a gee gee person in a world of doo dooers, so I learned to keep my silly business to myself. Should it be absolutely necessary to mention anatomy, “bottom” should be whispered. There were no “titties” in our world, just chests,; no “titty babies”, just crybabies. Worst of all, Mother had me convinced I couldn’t sneak anything in. “Mothers know!”

Then I started school. I’d been with Mother in public bathrooms and delighted in graffiti, till she rushed me out.The school bathroom serving the playground was glorious with graffiti and scribblings I couldn’t wait to decipher. The proudest day of my life was when I worked out “piss on the wall. S—-on the floor. I fell in love with reading that moment.

Life improved after I married and set priorities My mental health and Bud’s survival necessitated some vocabulary modifications. Life has been so much smoother since then.