Day: June 25, 2024

Bumps in the Road Part 12

“Is he tired of me already? What did I do wrong?  Is he going to leave me.  Do I want a man who drinks and gambles?  Decent men don’t act like this!  What have I gotten myself into?  …and his brothers?  They’re awful!  I wouldn’t trust that Edward as far as I could throw him.  Parnell isn’t even ashamed he’s running around on his wife and blowing his pay on a trashy woman while his mama’s taking care of his wife and kids.  That’s just lowdown.” For the first of many times, she berated herself for her hasty marriage. “Was it too late to get out?  How do you even get a marriage annulled?  Mama and Daddy didn’t even know she was married yet!  How could she face them after making such a mess of her life?  If only he hadn’t walked into the cafe and flirted with her.  Why hadn’t Annie told her to wait a while?”

As if once wasn’t enough, she castigated herself over and over, giving into weeping between each round.  Aimlessly, she tried to divert herself by reading a murder mystery, doing her nails, and putting her hair in pin curls.  So far, Bill hadn’t seen her hair pinned up, but what did it matter now? She tiptoed down to the kitchen to return the coffee cups and bumped into Mrs. Martin.  Humiliated by her swollen eyes and pin curls, she tried to duck out.  Mrs. Martin stopped her.  “I know them boys is up there playing poker.  They better not forget tomorrow’s rent day.  Bill owes me for two weeks.”

She was horrified!  He took their last money to gamble and was behind on rent!  What kind of mess had she gotten herself into?  Before going upstairs, she listened outside out the door where they were playing.  She heard a man’s voice, “No you ain’t quitting yet!You got to give me a chance to win my money back!” 

“Was that Bill?” She couldn’t tell.  Miserably, she crept up to her room and to bed.  After an eternity, she slept.  About two am, the light awoke her.  Bill was in an expensive mood.  He hugged her and spread his winnings out on the bed.

” Look at this, Sweetheart! I won more than a hundred dollars.  It’s more than enough to settle the rent and buy you something pretty.We’ll  go get you a new dress Saturday and then go see your Mama and Daddy . I want them to know I can take care of my wife.”

Kathleen’s troubles melted away in her handsome husband’s arms.  How could she have doubted him?  She was a lucky woman!

Best Diet Jokes of the Afternoon

Hmm

Can’t Be Sure

Bob was driving home on a moonlit night. As he rounded the curve in the darkness on a quiet road, flashing lights, flares, and police officers came in view beside an overturned car. When he tried to pull over, the officer tried wave to wave him on.

“Move on, Buddy. No rubbernecking,” said the officer.

“But officer, that looks just like my my buddy Joe’s car.” answered Bob.

“”Oh yeah, “ said the officer. “

Then you might be able to help us out. We haven’t found an ID yet, but I have to warn you, the guy is dead. It’s actually worse than that. He’s decapitated. You need to think about it first. It might be too much for you.”

Bob was horrified, but didn’t want to look unmanly in front of the officers. “I can do this,” he thought.

Screwing up his courage, he replied. “I’m ready. Take me over.”

The officer led him a short distance away where a bloody body had been thrown from the car and piled into a tree. In the dark, some distance away lay a head. The officer asked, “ Is this your friend?”

Bob took a long look.”Well, that’s the way Joe had his hair cut.” Taking a closer look, he said, “and Joe’s got a gold tooth like that with a star in it, but I still can’t be sure.”

Picking up the head, he held it up in the moonlight to get a better look. “It sure looks like Joe, but I don’t remember him being this tall.”

Don’t Spin Your Greens, Granny!

greens 2

When you live in the South and visit old folks in the country, the first thing you have to do is admire their garden. If you run out of excuses, you’ll come home with a “mess of greens.” I hate dealing with greens. For the unenlightened, greens include turnips, collards, or mustard greens. Boiled down low, with a bit of pork, and garnished with a splash of “pepper sauce,” greens make a delicious meal. A true connoisseur polishes off by sopping up the juice, or pot-liquor with cornbread. If you’re above the Mason-Dixon Line, try a roll. That’s the happy ending.

Now, we get down to the nitty gritty, literally. Greens have to be “looked and washed.” The first step is dispossessing the wildlife who habituate greens. Nobody wants to find half a worm or a cluster of bug eggs in their pot-liquor. You have to give both sides of each rumpled leaf a good look, wash, and then rinse copiously. I’d heard the glorious news that greens could be washed in the washing machine, cutting down tremendously on prep time.

The next time Bud visited an elderly family member, he came back wagging a bag of greens. I didn’t moan like normal, having recently heard the good news that greens could be washed in the washing machine. As usual, the basic information registered, not the total technique. I loaded the washer with dirty greens and detergent and hit the start button. Quite a while later, the alarm sounded, and I went to retrieve my sparkling greens. Alas, no greens remained, just a few tough stems and a few bits of leaves. A follow-up conversation with my friend revealed that I should have only washed them on gentle and not continue on to spend.

Though I hoped he’d forget, Bud came in that night expecting greens. I feigned innocence. “What greens?” It didn’t fly. “The greens I brought in yesterday.” It’s hard to come up with an excuse how precious greens went missing. I gave up and told the truth, though I don’t like worrying Bud stuff with that gets his blood pressure up. I’m considerate that way.

“They went down the drain.”

“How in the Hell did they go down the drain?” I don’t know why he gets all up in my housekeeping and cooking business

“They just did. Now don’t keep asking nosy questions!” “

“Exactly what drain and how did that happen?” “

“The washing machine drain.” I

I hoped if I answered matter-of-factly, he’d move on. I didn’t work. “

“You put greens in the washing machine? What in the Hell were you thinking?” I

I hate it when he apes back what I’ve just said. I’ve told him it gets on my nerves. “It takes forever to look and wash greens. Jenny told me she puts hers in the washer and it works great. I didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to put them through spin.”

“Grouch, grouch, grouch @^%&( , #@$%! Don’t ever put )(^%&# greens in the washer, again!”

“Okay, okay. Don’t go on forever about it. I get tired of your nagging” Since then I’ve been careful not to spin them. It works great.

Thanks for the Lawn and RIP Charley

I will be forever grateful to our late neighbor Charley for our lush lawn. When we moved to our home forty years ago, our two acres was almost entirely in trees.

There wasn’t a blade of grass except for the front yard. We love shade, but didn’t want to live in a forest. We got busy clearing out the the excess. Sixty trees later, we still have plenty of shade. The other trees grew tall and strong.

Thanks to our drinking neighbor, Charley, we got a lush lawn with none of the work. This is one case where heavy drinking turned out well. Charley got out early every morning to tend his lawn. He turned the water on early, and by ten, was snookered. It ran till his wife got home from work every evening . Living downhill, we got the benefit of all that water, seed, and fertilizer. What a gracious gift!

Thank you Charley. Oh, The drink got him. RIP.

I love a sun-dappled lawn.

We still have plenty of trees.

Loyalty

www.facebook.com/share/v/JJsfevD5y1YnhMen/

I love this video from Facebook

My favorite outfit

Oh, that’s easy. It is a soft, loose, cotton dress or pants and shirt. In fact, that’s what I wear most days now. It’s great for blazing Louisiana summers and fine for our cool winters. Cotton clothes are inexpensive and easy care. When I retired, my happiest moment was donating my “nice” work clothes and shoes. I spend most of my time now in my “best” clothes, good old cotton!

Far Side

Bumps in the Road Part 11

Powdered and perfumed, Kathleen was all dolled up when Bill got in. “You sure are pretty,I’m a lucky man, “ he said as he hugged her.” “We better get down to supper before they hog it all up!” She was still bashful about eating in front of him, so she just ate a little jello and salad. “Do you want my meatloaf?”she offered, though her stomach was growling.

“Sure, if you’re not gonna eat it.” The platter was making its second round and the last slice was going on Edward’s plate. Though Mrs. Martin laid a generous table, with six hungry men, everything was gobbled up down to the last biscuit. When she brought out the fried pies, Kathleen smiled and passed hers over to Bill.

“Are you sure?” he asked, though it was already half gone. “You sure don’t eat much.” It was so gratifying that he’d noticed.

They took their coffee back to the room, promising to bring the cups back. Kathleen was looking forward to another romantic evening. She hung her dress up to air and slipped into a light gown and duster.

“Kathleen, do you have any of that five dollars left? I want to go play poker with the boys and all I have is two bucks and change.” Kathleen was shocked at his wanting the money back, and for poker of all things. Her daddy would never have played poker!

“Uh, I have $1.46. Let me get my purse.” She dug the money out. He was out the door.

She was devastated. Bill had taken the last of their money to play poker! Why would he do that? Coming from a home where every penny was precious, she couldn’t imagine how he could just throw money away. She was angry and scared. Who had she married?