An elderly couple were attending a church service. 
About halfway through the wife leans over to her husband and says, “I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?”

He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”

Job interview:

A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says, “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”

There are three signs of old age. 
The first is loss of memory. 
I forget the other two.

Question: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? 
Answer: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!