• Acupuncture. What’s the point?
• When you get a bladder infection, ur-ine trouble.
• I caught a cold riding on a carousel. I think there was something going around.
• PMS jokes aren’t funny—period.
• Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
• I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
• Whose idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
• I got really sick after drinking milk with cream. My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.
• Laughter is the best medicine—except when it comes to treating diarrhea.
• Recent studies show patients who have a cold feel better on Saturdays and Sundays. Evidence points to a weekend immune system.
• Don’t mess with me—I get paid to poke people with very sharp objects.
• Never upset a pediatric nurse. They have very little patients.
• My younger brother made so many rash decisions, he decided to become a dermatologist.
• Never try lying to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.
• A man was wheeled into the operating room, but at the last minute, he had a change of heart.
• I tried to play hide-and-seek when I was in the hospital, but the security kept finding me in the ICU.