On cold days or when friends or family are sick, I love to make homemade chicken noodle soup for them. It’s just a big bowl of love. I’ll give you ingredients. Amounts are approximate.
2 cups diced chicken breast(canned ok or leftover rotisserie chicken is fine)
1 family size Cream of Chicken Soup
2 cups chicken broth
Up to 2 cups water as needed to cut salt
1/4 diced celery
1/2 cup diced carrots and peas if desired(I use frozen)
1/2 teaspoon crushed garlic
1/2 diced onion
Parsley if desired
Wide noodles to your taste
Pepper
Simmer Cream of Chicken Soup, onions, celery, and garlic. Do not salt! Whisk till soup is well mixed. Add chicken. Bring back to low simmer. Add noodles bit by bit to your liking as soup simmers. Be cautious. It’s easy to overload broth mix if you put in a lot at once. Season with pepper to your taste. Don’t salt till you taste. Broth and canned soup are both salty.
Simmer with soup just starting to low bubble around edges of pot at least 30 minutes till noodles are tender, stirring frequently. Noodles will stick if cooked higher. Add water as needed to get consistency to your taste. Likely will not need salt.
I once knew a young girl who was very precocious, not me, I was a rowdy tomboy. This other girl was all girl and craved lipstick, jewelry, fancy clothes from very early childhood. Her poor mother’s belongings were never safe from this aspiring fashionista. One cold rainy day, we got to a relative’s house before Mother discovered my sister, Phyllis (I may as well reveal her identity)had slipped off in a pair of Mother’s good high heel shoes, though of course they were way too big for an eight-year-old. Rather than make her go barefoot in the cold, sloppy weather as she probably should have, Mother gave her a stern threat about ruining the shoes and let her wear them. As you could anticipate, Phyllis spent a few cautious minutes indoors before indulging in a contest jumping off the porch into the mud. Needless to say, the green high heels didn’t fare well. She jumped those heels right off.
About the same time, Phyllis showed up dressed for school with Mother’s falsies in the bodice of her dress. They were wildly askew on her flat chest and caught Mother’s attention immediately. Phyllis just couldn’t imagine how Mother discovered her secret!
Grandma had a stroke when she was fifty-eight. The doctor came out to see her and said she’d never walk again. Ignoring him, she scooted around in an old desk chair for about three months because she wasn’t about to waste money on a wheelchair she’d never use again. After that, she put up with a cane for a few days till she was sick of it, then it was business as usual. Ever afterwards, she was a little weak on the right side and her gait was off a little, but she didn’t let it hold her back. She just carried her gigantic old-lady black purse on the left side to balance herself. She crawled in every time the car started, and made every trip anyone else did, be it the hardware store, grocery store, or vacation. Her stroke just made it a little easier for us to keep up with her. She lived far enough away that she always stayed a couple of weeks when she visited. Upon her arrival, she insisted on taking over the family laundry, washing, hanging out on the line, and folding. We always had mountains of laundry with five kids, including two babies in diapers, so Mother was glad to have the help. Always afraid the neighbors would talk about her for letting Grandma toddle back and forth with the laundry, she always sent one of us to help. I always volunteered, since Grandma was known to hand out nickels when she was pleased. I endeavored to make sure the other kids didn’t stumble into this gold mine. The whole time I was growing up, we had a sequence of gentle black dogs, usually named Blackie
I have no idea how many we may have had, but we always had one. Numerous though they had to have been over the eighteen years I lived at home, they all merged into one in my memory. One hot summer afternoon, as Grandma tottered back from the clothesline to the back door, the poor dog must have awakened from his nap in the shade only to see a short-legged, top-heavy voluminous mound of diaper-carrying scariest monster ever advancing toward him, lurching from side to side. Terrified, he leapt up barking and lunged at the scary monster, pushing her over backwards, the diapers landing atop her. Mother had seen the whole thing and rushed out to rescue Grandma from the jaws of the slavering beast. As soon as the dog heard Mother coming for him, he took off. We were all sure Grandma was dead. Mother tore at the pile of diapers only to find Grandma laughing so hard she couldn’t get up. She had to get her laughing fit over before we could pull her to her feet. She was totally unhurt, except for the indignity of wet pants. I can’t speak to the poor dog’s shocked condition.
One day, a black bear walks into a bar… The bear begins to get some strange looks, but he was use to this being a black bear and all. Everyone in the bar was acting a little strange around him, but then he sat at the bar and the bartender began to serve him.
Bartender: Ummm…So what can I get you? Bear: Let me get a shot of………………….. whiskey. Bartender: Sure, but what’s up with the big pause?
Bear: I get them from my dad.
Two friends are out hiking, and they see a black bear on the trail in front of them One guy takes off his pack, takes off his hiking boots, and puts on running shoes.
His friend says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun that bear!”
The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you!”
So a man and his three friends are sitting in a bar, one of them says to the others “I’m the greatest bear hunter there ever was,” immediately 2 of the 3 friends disagree and say in unison, “No way I am!!” They continue arguing until the 4th man who said nothing pipes up and says, “I have never been bear hunting, maybe we should all go to see whose best at it?”
The friends agree, go home for the night and the next day they all get in a truck and drive deep into the forest. While they are driving one friend turns to the bear hunting novice and says, “When hunting a bear be very quiet. If it sees you, you have two options.” he said, “You either draw yourself up and get big and tall to scare it or you run. If you run, it will chase you until you get to safety or until it catches you, whichever comes first.” his friend concluded.
The man noted this and they got to the cabin they had rented for the hunting trip, they set up and search around for hours scouting for bears, but they find none. Disappointed they head back to camp and fell asleep. When the men awoke they noticed that the bear hunting novice was gone so they get up to look for him outside. They start to call his name but no answer, they grab their guns and walk a little till they hear the sound of running feet.
The novice is running at full speed towards the cabin with a giant black bear behind him, the other 3 friends pull him into the cabin and shoot the bear dead, the friends all curious and angry with the novice hunter asked, “What the hell were you doing?” And finally after the novice catches his breath he says,
“Hunting! Now stay here, I’m gonna have a drink of water, and I’ll go get us another one!”Got an amusing bear joke or story? Would love to hear you tell the tale!
An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada.
As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer’s brother-in-law whole!
The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says “Quick! Shoot him, but be careful, my brother-in-law’s inside him!”
The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off.
The American falls to his knees, looking at the Canadian and asking “Why did you shoot the wrong bear?”
The ranger scoffs and says “Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?”
We have a nice little wet-weather creek that runs along our property line, cutting through the middle of the wooded lot next door. My kids played in the creek and in the woods all the time. They were a few years older than Greg, our neighbor’s boy, so by the time he played there, he had Annie, our Dalmatian and other kids from the neighborhood with him. Sometimes, I think Greg was the only person Annie really liked. Greg got in from school and made his way straight to the pantry, just like always. He filled up, chatted a while, and took Annie out to play. Before long, he and Annie were back. “How do you get a fish hook out of a dog’s mouth?” I thought it was it was the lead in to a joke. “”I don’t know. How?” “I don’t know. But I was crawfishing with a piece of bacon for bait on my line and somehow, Annie jumped and swallowed the hook, bacon, and all. I just can’t imagine how it happened!” I could. Annie pranced right behind Greg, proud of the long string hanging from her mouth. Tentatively, I pulled it. It was stuck. Off to the vet. As you can see from the xray above, the fish hook was imbedded in her stomach. It had to be surgically removed, along with about five hundred dollars from my wallet. Annie moped around for three or four days, with nothing to do but brag about her surgery. Greg made himself scarce, not even checking on her.
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Nutsrok 