So So Jokes

  1. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “Uno, dos…” poof. He disappeared without a tres.
  2. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
  3. Why don’t ants get sick?Because they have little antybodies.
  4. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?Aye matey
  5. What happened when the pirate attempted to recite the alphabet?He got lost at ‘c’.
  6. How do you tell the gender of an ant?Put it in a glass of water. If it sinks it’s a girl ant. If it floats it’s buoyant.
  7. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?Outlaws are wanted.
  8. What do you do if you get the bird flu? Tweetment.
  9. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
  10. Just re-watched Benjamin Button, again. Never gets old.
  11. Why was the scarecrow awarded a Nobel prize?Because he was outstanding in his field.
  12. Hey Europe, you look like you’ve lost some POUNDS.
  13. What do you call Batman and Robin after a steamroller went over them?Flatman and Ribbon.
  14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?Fsssshhhhhh!
  15. Did you hear about that actress that stabbed herself? Reece…Witherspoon?No, it was with her knife!
  16. My friend Phillip had his lip removed last weekNow we just call him Phil
  17. What do you call a lion who is feeling dandy?A Dandelion.
  18. Where do bad rainbows go?Prism, it’s a light sentence.
  19. What do you call a haunted chicken?A poultry-geist
  20. Now matter how much you push the envelope,…… it’ll still be stationery.
  21. A man rushed into a Doctor’s surgery, shouting “help me please, I’m shrinking” The Doctor calmly said, “now settle down a bit”…..”you’ll just have to learn to be a little patient.

Talk To Me!