Some Estate Sale Jokes

Why did the ghost attend the estate sale?

Because he wanted to get a grave deal!

Why did the man get banned from the online auction site?

Because he was always bidding off more than he could chew.

Why do companies prefer online auctions to live auctions?

Because they want to raise their “net” funds!

Why did the person lose their bid in the online auction?

Because they eBayted their budget!

Why did the man who attended an estate sale for the first time come back with a bunch of old furniture?

Because he heard it was a “chair-ity” event.

Why did the woman buy a vintage computer at the online estate sale?

Because she wanted to experience old spam, without risking her health.

Why did the man refuse to buy the antique vase on the online estate sale site?

Because he was afraid it might “break the internet” if he bid too high!

Why did the family having an estate sale cross the road?

To get to the other side of the inheritance!

If Jerry Seinfeld did a bit on estate sales:

Have you ever noticed that estate sales are just garage sales with better stuff? I mean, it’s like the person who lived there just decided to take all their good things and leave them out for strangers to buy. “Hey, I’m moving out, but you can have my priceless antique collection for 10 bucks!” It’s like the ultimate decluttering method, but instead of just tossing things out, you let people fight over them in your living room.

Why did the man prefer online estate sales?

Because he didn’t have to put on pants to buy someone else’s old pants!

Thanks to those who helped with these (mostly awful) jokes! Think you have a better one? Email us at info@estatesales.bid. 

My Childhood Nickname

Linda Bug. I have no idea how I got my name. I assume my dad first called me that. I still remember it made me feel cherished. Sometimes, it was shortened to Bug. My favorite cousin never called me anything else. There are only a few people left who knew me by that name, Mother, my older sister, my brother, and Bud. I suppose Linda Bug is fading away.

Linda Bug is diapered baby in front row. Bud is right behind me.

Aunt Ader’s Place

Aunt Ader’s House was reminiscent of the two pictured here. I am reposting a serial from 2016. Most of my followers have not seen this

dog-trotI had no idea who Aunt Ader was, or that her name should actually have been pronounced Ada, but her old farm house was a wonder.  Uncle C H, my Aunt Jenny’s on-again off-again husband apparently enjoyed some claim to it, because over the course of my childhood, several of my relatives rented it, probably when they’d fallen on hard times.  It stood high on a hill surrounded by several huge oaks.  A rutted red-dirt drive curved its way up toward the house, dusty in summer and rutted deeply in rainy weather.   In the spring and early summer weeds sprigged up between the tire tracks, kept short courtesy of the undercarriage of the vehicles making their way up the hill.  Though Aunt Ader’s forebears had been prosperous landowners a couple of generations back, the land had been subdivided and sold off long before I came to know it.  To the eyes of a small child, it was welcoming with its deep front and back porches and wide, breezy dogtrot.  An enormous living room and kitchen opened off one side with three bedrooms on the other.  Fireplaces on either side furnished the only heat.  Bare lightbulbs dangling on cords sufficed to light the big, high-ceilinged rooms, welcoming ghosts to the shadowy corners. Rain on the tin-roof could be pleasant or deafening, depending on the intensity of the storm.   I was never tempted to stray far from the light, though the sunshine from the huge windows flooded those rooms in the daytime.

A water heater stood in the corner of the enormous kitchen next to the galvanized bathtub hanging on the wall.  The old wood stove was still in use, though the only indoor plumbing was water piped in to the sink in the one piece enamel sink and cabinet combination standing beneath the window, looking out over a large field with several pear and fig trees.  Several unpainted shelves served as storage for everything that couldn’t fit into the sink cabinet and pie safe.  A cord exiting the round-topped refrigerator was plugged into an extension cord connected to bare light bulb dangling from the center of the kitchen ceiling.  The light was turned off and on by a long string.  Strips of well-populated fly-paper hung near the windows.   An unpainted toilet stood slightly downhill about three hundred yards off to the left of an old barn.  We were warned away from the hand-dug well, enclosed in a wooden frame with a heavy wooden trap cover that stood a few feet from the back porch.  Mother was so adamant we not go near, I was sure it was surrounded by quicksand, just waiting to suck a foolish child in.  A bucket hung from a chain from the roof of the creaky structure.  Pigs were pinned up near the barn, though not far enough away to miss their smell, explaining the fly problem.

To be continuedwarhome2