TRUCK DRIVER JOKES
NEW TRUCKER JOKES
How do you get a garbage truck driver to join the Mafia? You make him an offer he can’t refuse! [Updated 8/9/21]
Get a new truck for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade! [Updated 12/17/19] (One Line Fun).
My truck has the best security system in the world. I can leave it parked and unlocked with the keys in the ignition, and nobody steals it!
Sometimes, I wish someone would!
[Updated 12/11/19] (Based on a joke from Ford Muscle Forums).
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.
[Updated 12/9/19] (One Line Fun).
Have you ever tried eating egg yolk off of your truck’s wheels? I highly recommend it. After all, there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!
[Updated 12/23/19] (The Big Apple).
I tried to get a shipment of fire hydrants from the factory that makes ‘em, but I wasn’t allowed to stop anywhere near the place!
[Updated 12/29/19].
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18-wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, “I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?”
To which the trucker replied, “Sorry, can’t talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10-ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times.”
[Updated 1/6/20] (ArcaMax).
What is the least reliable part of every Swift truck? The nut keeping the steering wheel in place!
[Updated 1/21/20]
What’s the difference between a Swift driver and a toilet? A toilet can back up.
[Updated 1/29/20] (Me.me).
What does DOT stand for? Department of Tickets!
[Updated 2/10/20]
LONG FORM TRUCKER JOKES
A dispatcher is working the night shift when he gets a call from a company trucker.
The trucker says, “It’s terrible, I’ve run over a small bear!”
The dispatcher, not wanting to make a scene out of the scenario, and, hearing that there was no damage to the truck, tells the trucker to bury it.
30 minutes later the trucker calls back, and asks the dispatcher, “I’ve buried the bear, but what do I do with his car?”
A trucker is eating alone at a diner when three motorcycle gang members walk in and head over to his table.
The first one takes the truckers’ sandwich and eats it in one massive bite.
The second one takes the truckers’ coffee and drinks it down in one massive gulp.
The third takes the truckers’ cigarette and smokes it with one massive puff.
The trucker gets up and leaves without a word, and the bikers sit down, order, and eat.
As they pay the bill the first one talks to the waitress and says, “That trucker that was in here earlier wasn’t much of a man, was he?”
To which the waiter replies, “He’s not much of a driver, either.
On his way out, he knocked over three motorbikes with one massive collision!”
A trucker is hauling penguins when a police officer pulls him over and says, “What are you doing? You need to take those penguins to the zoo.
Here are some directions.” The next day, the officer sees the same trucker in the same truck hauling more penguins.
The officer pulls him over and says, “Didn’t I tell you to take those penguins to the zoo?”
The trucker replies, “I did, and it was a lot of fun! Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
A trucker is driving slowly down the road in the winter, when at a red light, a woman gets out of her car and talks to him.
“Excuse me, sir, you are spilling your cargo.”
The woman gets back in her car, and when the light turns green, the driver keeps trucking.
At the next red light, the woman gets out of her car and says again, “Excuse me sir, you are spilling your cargo.”
Greenlight, the trucker keeps driving.
The third red light, the woman gets out, and before she can repeat herself, the trucker says “Excuse me, ma’am, I am driving a salt truck in Iowa!”
A police officer sees a truck that speeds up as it passes him.
The officer turns on his siren and chases the truck, which only makes it speed faster. Eventually the truck pulls over.
The officer asks him why he was speeding. “I’m sorry officer, my wife left me last week.”
The officer says, “I’m sorry to hear that, but that isn’t an excuse for speeding.”
The trucker says back, “You’re telling me!
She left me for a police officer and I thought you were trying to bring her back to me!”
(UpJoke).
A truck driver finds a lamp, and rubs it.
A genie comes out and says, “Thank you for releasing me, master. I will grant you one wish.”
The trucker thinks for a moment and says, “I would like my own personal, private, toll-free road from New York to California.”
The genie shakes his head and says, “There are far too many federal, state, and local regulations involved, that would be too difficult. Is there anything else you’d rather have?”
The trucker thinks for another minute and says “I wish my wife would stop nagging me.” The genie replies, “All right, how many lanes do you want for that road?”
On the last day of truck driving school Charlie is taking his test, and the examiner is asking him all kinds of questions.
The examiner asks “What would you do if your headlights went out?” and Charlie says “I’d have old Joe, my co-driver, shine a flashlight out the window so we could keep going.”
The examiner says “OK, but you shouldn’t rely on your partner to help you with problems. What if you’re backing up and the trailer starts to jack-knife, what would you do?” and Charlie says “Well, I’d have old Joe, my co-driver, hop out and help direct me.”
The examiner says “I guess that would help but you shouldn’t rely on your co-driver all the time.”
For his last question the examiner decides he’s going to give a question that no co-driver in the world can help with!
“Okay, now what do you do if you’re on a steep downhill grade, the road is really icy, your brakes are locked up, and at the bottom of the hill is a narrow bridge with a hazardous materials truck coming the other way at you?”
Charlie thinks a minute, and he says “Well, I’d reach over and shake old Joe awake because he ain’t never seen a wreck like we’re about to have!”
(UpJoke)
SHORT FORM TRUCKER JOKES
I got a job as a garbage truck driver.
There was no training, but I’m sure I’ll pick it up as I go!
Working for the carnival, I hauled the world’s largest pair of glasses the other week.
It was quite the spectacle!
How can you tell if your wife is cheating on you with a Swift driver?
When you come home from a two-week trip and he’s still trying to back out of the driveway!
One time Chuck Norris peed in the radiator of a semi-truck.
We now know that truck as Optimus Prime!
A TRUCK CARRYING JOKES
A truck carrying antihistamine medicines spilled on the highway.
Strangely enough, there was no congestion!
A truck carrying blackberries spilled on the highway.
It was quite a traffic jam!
A truck carrying olive oil spilled on the highway.
It was a vicious situation!
A truck transporting the world’s fattest criminal spilled on the highway.
The felon is still at large!
A truck transporting biohazards spilled on the highway. It was a bloodbath.
A truck transporting ice cream spilled on the highway.
There was some rocky road!
A truck carrying tennis gear spilled on the highway.
It made quite the racket!
A truck carrying computers rigged as explosives spilled on the highway.
They had to call in a minesweeper!
A truck carrying cannabis spilled on the highway.
It tripped on a pothole!
A truck carrying camping gear spilled on the highway.
The truck had jackknifed!
A truck carrying money spilled on the highway.
There was a million dollars in damage!
A truck carrying expensive watches spilled on the highway.
It cost him a lot of time!
A truck carrying guns spilled on the highway.
Fortunately, nobody was armed in the accident!
A truck carrying construction tools spilled on the highway.
The driver had laid the hammer down too hard!
A truck carrying burger buns spilled on the highway.
It became the talk of sesame street!
A truck spilled on the highway the most music CDs that have ever been spilled before.
It was a new record!
A truck carrying apparel spilled on the highway.
The trucker was safe, thanks to a belt!
A truck carrying lions and elephants spilled on the highway.
The whole thing was a circus!
A truck carrying honey spilled on the highway. The Bears were all over it!
I crocheted this cute little hoodie over the weekend. It cost about twenty dollars, only about one-third more than I could have bought it for. Now, that’s a deal, isn’t it? Oh yes, the bottom edges in front do line up. I am just a careless photographer.
Nutsrok 