Day: August 30, 2024

Being 96

Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.

I interviewed my mother, the oldest person I know.

What is it like to be 96?

It’s just like being 18 or 24. I am always surprised to see I am old when I pass a mirror. I feel the same I always did.

Are you in pain?

Not a bit. I have arthritis. See these bumps on my fingers and toes. I used to have a lot of pain but I’ve been using a simple remedy for years. I don’t remember where I heard it, now. I mix one teaspoon of cinnamon and 2 tablespoons of honey in a cup of sugar-free hot cocoa first thing every morning. That controls my pain. I tell people all the time but very few people try it. It works for me. I am 96 with arthritis and no pain.

You’ve been widowed more than forty years. Are you lonesome?

No. After that long, I think I’d have to work hard to be sad. He’s been out of my life so long, I’ve been widowed longer than I was married. I still remember the good times and bad but it’s not painful.

What changes have you seen in your life?

I was born at a time when nobody in my family had a car. We walked or road in a wagon. I lived in the country, so we had no electricity, gas, running water, or indoor bathroom. It was The Great Depression. Daddy didn’t have a job. He farmed. The whole family helped. One of the first things I remember my parents saying was, “We don’t have the money,” no matter what the subject was. My dad did any odd job he could get, plowing a field, helping dig a well, or cutting hair. Mama sewed for the public and paid the rent by doing the landlady’s wash. It took all day to wash and the next to iron. Us kids helped.

Our dresses were often made of printed feedsacks. It took three to make a dress and one to make a shirt. I never had a storebought dress till I was grown. I only ever knew of my parents buying two things new, both hefore I was born. Daddy sold Singer Sewing Machines for a while and had managed to buy Mama one. They’d also managed to buy a pressure canner. Both these items were precious since Mam sewed everything she and the girls wore and made a bit of cash sewing for the the public. She and Daddy were good farmers. Mama canned enough vegetables to feed us all year. We never went hungry or ragged. Learning how to make with bare necessities has made everything since then better.

I never imagined I’d see men walk on the moon and stay in space for months. Things have changed a lot but people really haven’t.

Fouled Flight Fun: The Unforgettable Snowball Escapade

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Had I met Snowball under different circumstances, I’m sure I would have found her adorable.  Sadly for our friendship, I met her on a crowded plane.  I heard about her before I saw her, listening  in on the conversation between the two passengers sitting between me and the aisle.

”Snowball never pooped when I put her down on her pee pee pad in the bathroom.  I know she has to go by now.”  Ms. Bozo worried as she crowded me closer to the window.

”She’ll be fine.  We can’t do anything about that now.” Mr. Bozo replied, placidly.

”I think you need to take her to the lavatory and put her down on a pad.”  Ms. Bozo insisted.  “I gave her a little laxative last night so she’d go this morning. She never did.   We don’t want her getting constipated again.  You remember what happened last time.”  That sounded ominous.

“I told you not to do that!” Mr. Bozo grouched. “You know how that works her.”  He got up and struggled to pull Snowflake’s carrier from under Ms. Bozo’s seat.  Ms. Bozo unzipped the opening and peeked in at Little Snowball.  The smell was bad news.  Desperate to escape the fetid air in the carrier, Snowball leapt to freedom, smearing Mr. and Ms. Bozo with feces on her way.  Snowball no longer looked snowy.  Ms. Bozo squealed and Bozo roared.  Snowball sprinted down the aisle, ducking between passenger’s feet, the stewardess in pursuit.

”Don’t hurt her!  She’s scared!” Shrieked Ms. Bozo.  “Snowball, come back to Mama!  Snowball! Snowball!

That Snowball could run. Darting in and out among the legs of the other passengers, she left a little of herself all along the way.   She got by Bozo and the stewardess several times.  Eventually  she was recaptured, looking much cleaner, courtesy of hapless passengers’ legs. Ms. Bozo tidied her up in the lavatory, so Snowball was in better shape than her disgruntled new acquaintance who took turns sponging off in the lavatory,.  They clearly held a grudge.

Soon, a miasma from Snowball’s befouled carrier beneath the seat began to reek. As the odor recirculated through the cabin, only the Bozos failed to notice.  Even after the stewardess had them stuff it in a garbage bag, the smell spread,  even crossing the curtain into first class.

It was not the best flight I ever had.

 

 

Overheard Plane Conversation: A Guiltless Indulgence

Eavesdropping on planes is one of life’s gifts. First of all, it costs nothing and could be considered a bonus that comes with your ticket. Most importantly, it is totally a guiltless indulgence, though some people might not appreciate it.

Today’s flight was packed. A gentleman seated behind us called a buddy and launched into his sad story as soon as he was seated, talking so loud the entire assemblage could hear.

“Man, I am so hungover and mad I can hardly think straight. I picked up a client for dinner and he wanted to drag a buddy along. I should have said no, but I was trying to be “The Good Guy.” They talked about his buddy’s divorce all through dinner. We didn’t get a bit of business done. I took them to a strip joint and it was all downhill. We all got drunk and I told him what I thought.

He paused for a bit,”No, I’m going straight to my office. I don’t want to see my wife. I blew up before I left. I came home for dinner and she dished my dinner up and banged it down on the counter. ‘Now, hold on,’ I said. ‘What happened to family dinners in the dining room?”

She got all huffy, moved my meal to the dining room table. Then she went back and started putting the kid’s dinners on paper plates.

“#|%^*!~. £#%~?{, I don’t want my kids growing up eating on paper plates like trash. I want them to remember eating in the dining room on real dishes. I don’t care if the dishwasher is broken. I’LL wash the ——ng dishes if that’s what it takes. I bought you a two million dollar house and I expect you to raise my kids right.”

Lengthy pause, then “I don’t even think I’ll go home. I think I’ll just call her tonight and tell her I’m done. She used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened.”

Just then the stewardess came by and told him to get off the phone so that was the end of the call. He did apologize saying, “I’m sorry, I’ve got such a hangover I’m not thinking straight.”

Don’t you know his wife would be upset when she found out all she would have had to do was feed the kids on paper plates to get rid of him?

British Pub Jokes

 A man says to his wife, “Grab your jacket I’m going to the pub.”

She asks, “Oh, are you taking me with you?”“No, I’m turning the heating off.”

Comic Sans, Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a pub. The landlord yells, “Get out! We don’t serve your type in here!”

I used to work in a pub next to a hospital and this guy walked in one day with his hospital gown on and holding a drip on a stand that was still connected to his veins.I asked him how I could help and bizarrely he said, “Can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 Jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila?It’s a free country so I start to pour the drinks and put them on the bar one at a time. As I finished pouring all of the drinks he downed them in order and finished on the shots of tequila which he dispatched one at a time at a quick pace. He then looked at me really sad and said, “I shouldn’t have drunk all that with what I’ve got.” I said, “Why what have you got?” He said, “About £3.50.”

Bill BaileyPixie Pub

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman, “Has my brother been in for a drink here today?”The barman looks at the penguin and says, “I’m not sure. What does he look like?”

I was in the pub when a guy called me a cheapskate. So I threw his drink in his face.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a cider and a mop, please.”

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, “£17, please.”The polar bear pays and takes a seat. Bemused, the barman approaches and says, “This is exciting, we don’t get many polar bears in here!” To which the polar bear replies, “I’m not surprised with beer at £17 a pint.”

A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is extremely embarrassed and slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles and says quietly, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”To this, the man responds at the top of his voice, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN £800?”

Two German agents walk into a pub in London during WW2 and one of them said to the waiter, “Two martinis, please.”The barman asked, “Dry?” To which the customer replied, “Nein! Zwei!”

Big Market Bag from Jada in Stitches

I am making this bag now for a friend. I learned how from the lovely Jada from her tutorial on Jada in stitches. Please check out her channel if you enjoy crochet with a twist. I don’t throw leftover yarn out, so I never have to run out and purchase for an impromptu idea or project. Be bold in your color choices. If you aren’t pleased, rip it out and try something else. I am an experienced crocheter and I believe I will finish this in about six hours. I love a project I can do quickly.