Evil Incarnate on a Pink Tricycle

imageMother gets pretty hot about a few things.  One of these is problems with mail delivery.  One day, she got to her mailbox to find her mail tattered,torn, and lying on the ground.  Worst of all, a government check had been ripped.  Somebody was going to pay for this crime!  Rabid with rage, she cornered a couple of kids who gladly gave up the perpetrator to save their own sorry hides.  They’d seen a little blonde-haired girl with pig-tails standing on her pink tricycle rifling through Mother’s box.  Mother gave the little snitches a five dollar reward after they located the child’s tricycle parked in front of a house two streets over.

Armed with this information, Mother called the Sheriff’s Department to report the heinous crime. Regaling him every shocking detail, the criminal’s description, description of the getaway vehicle, and last known address.  The deputy laughed, asking if she’d had the check back.

“Yes, but that’s not the point.  I want this stopped!  Tampering with the mail is a Federal Crime!”

“Lady, what do you want me to do, put out an APB on a little three-year-old girl on a pink tricycle?

Uncle Albert’s Barn

My great-Uncle Albert’s barn raised the bar for what a barn should be.  A rambling, splotched caterpillar, it sprawled behind his rustic house.   It was an amalgamation of scavenged lumber of various vintages. Over many years, he’d added on as the need arose and opportunity allowed Of an age to have experienced The Great Depression in its entirety, he understood waste not, want not.  His house and outbuildings were built largely of reclaimed lumber.   One stall of his barn was lied high with neatly stacked reclaimed lumber stored in readiness for his next project.  He had recently been hired to tear down and haul off an old house, the very lumber now resting in his barn.  Coffee cans of used nails sat on a shelf.  As tempting as it looked, one hard look from Uncle Albert made it clear his lumber was off limits for climbing.

Wisely, Albert did not seem anxious for the company of bothersome children, making no effort to be friendly.  In fact, I never noticed him behaving particularly warmly toward my dad., even though Daddy clearly admired him and sought his approval.  Uncle Albert was as likely to grump at Daddy as he was at us.  I was mystified at seeing Daddy treated as a troublesome child.  Daddy had spent months on end living and working with Uncle Albert during His childhood of The Great Depression.  His father had died young, leaving a widow with seven young children to to raise.

The barns multiple rooms opened off a central open area.  It’s many rooms held ancient implements, harness, plows and all manner of equipment neatly organized.  An ancient wagon Relaxed in one stall, in readiness for hay-hauling.  We were free to play on it, as long as we weren’t destructive.  Hay was stacked in numerous stalls.  Uncle Albert mad it clear the hay was not there for our pleasure. In one stall russet and sweet potatoes lay in their beds of hay, dusted with lime. String  of beans, dried apples, pears, and onions hung from the rafters. Several barn cats patrolled the barn to keep mice and rats at bay.  They weren’t the friendly house cat variety.

The barn was roofed with hand-split wooden shingles.  I can’t imagine all the hours he spent splitting them.  A neat fence made of various types of wire garden entry to the barn.  A couple of large metal road signs served as fence panels, adding to the barnyard’s appeal.

I just loved that barn.  I wish I could spend another afternoon poking around in it.

 

20 Chinese Food Jokes That To-Fu Can’t Live Without!

Looking for a laugh? Wrap you noodle around these tasteful Chinese food jokes! 

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Beano Jokes Team

Last Updated: August 19th 2024

Feeling peckish? Have a slurp of these soup-er Chinese food gags! If jokes about one of the world’s greatest cuisines isn’t your cup of tea, we’ve also got pasta jokesbread jokesfruit jokes, and even this epic unusual food quiz!

Ooh! And don’t forget to check out our main jokes page and have a go on the Great Joke Generator!

My cookie had no slip of paper on the inside

It was unfortunate!

What did the cook say after making a stir fry at a playground?

It was a wok in a park!

Where do you buy noodle soup in bulk?

The stock market!

My sister bet me £1000 I couldn’t build a car out of noodles

You shoud’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!

Why did the block of tofu cross the road?

To prove it wasn’t chicken!

I suddenly realised tofu is overrated.

It just a curd to me!

Chinese food: £20. Delivery charge: £2

Forgetting part of the order? Riceless!

Saying no to dessert after a Chinese meal…

Will cost you a fortune!

How does Han Solo order Chinese food?

With an E-wok!

What do you call an easy lifestyle spent eating lots of Chinese food?

Lo Meintenance!

Elton John hates ordering Chinese food

Soy seems to be the hardest word!

A Chinese restaurant tried to charge me for 1000kg of food

They thought I’d ordered the one tonne soup!

Learing to cook Chinese food can be really difficult.

It takes a lot of wok!

What does the Easter Bunny order from the Chinese takeaway?

Hop Suey!

What do Italian chefs make in Chinese restaurants?

Ciao Mein!

Did you hear Kikkoman moved their factory to China?

They outsauced it!

What did the orange say on holiday?

Do you speak Mandarin?

How long does it take to brew Chinese tea?

Oolong time!

Did you hear about the man who burned down the dumpling factory?

It was an act of wonton destruction!

What’s Batman’s favourite Chinese dish?

Kung POW chicken!