Day: September 13, 2024

Run?

How often do you walk or run?

I run if I see a bear, Freddy Kruger,a mudslide, or a Tsunami coming my way. I walk to get where I need to be. That’s about it.

The Wit of the West: Amusing Cowboy Anecdotes

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.

“This,” he said, showing him a rope, “is a lariat. We use it to catch cows.”

“I see,” said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. “And what do you use for bait?”

A cowboy was giving a tour of the ranch to a bunch of dudes. One lady asked “Have you ever had an accident?” The cowboy replied “No.” She said “You mean to tell me you’ve never been hurt as a cowboy?” He said “I broke my arm when a horse throwed me, I got run over by a cow, and I’ve been snakebit.” She said “And you don’t consider those as accidents?” He said “No, I think they done it a-purpose.”

“If yer in the corral and one of yer amigos gets bucked off, everybody rides over to see if he’s alright. If he’s alive you start tellin’ the story right away! If he’s dead, you wait a couple days!” ~ Baxter Black

“I speek many languages you know, French, Italian, and Thousand Island.” ~ Hank the Cow Dog

A cowboy is giving a talk to some school kids explaining that everything a cowboy wears has a purpose. He says, “Now, my hat is shaped the way it is to keep the sun off my face and the back of my neck and if my horse needs a drink I can use my hat to scoop him up some water”…..”Any I pull this bandana here that’s around my neck up over my face so that I don’t get dust in my eyes and nose when I’m trailing cattle”…. A little boy sitting in the front row says, “How come you’re wearing tennis shoes instead of Cowboy Boots”? The cowboy smiles and says, “That’s so folks don’t mistake me for a truck driver”… 

An English Gentleman was traveling in the US, and came to a large Texas ranch. Walking up to a cowhand, he asked,”I say, my good man, is your Master about?” The cowboy looked him in the eye and said “The SOB hasn’t been born yet!” 
Paul

Chilling Night Intruder: Hysterical Misunderstanding

man and womanMother awoke to the chilling realization that someone was trying to break in the house. “Bill! Bill! Wake up Bill! Someone’s trying to get in!!”   Daddy didn’t normally sleep: he went into a coma, but adrenaline jolted him into action. He grabbed his loaded shotgun and crept to the window.  In the darkness, a tiny light glowed in the darkness of the front porch.  It wasn’t just Mother’s imagination!  Someone was trying to get in! Assuming a defensive position at the window, he cocked the hammer, took aim at the tiny light in the dark whispering hoarsely to Mother,  ” When I tell you, switch on the outside light so I can get a bead on him.” Mother was poised directly behind Daddy, clutching his muscular arm for support.  He gestured toward the switch.  Forcing herself to be calm, she slipped into position, prepared to flip the switch at his command.  Their pulses raced, tension building as they steeled themselves to defend home and family.  There were two switches side by side, one to their bedroom; the other to the porch.  At his word, she flipped the inside switch!  The blinding bedroom light showcased in her skimpies and Daddy in his underwear, crouched in the window with the shotgun trained on the dark intruder.  Daddy swore and dropped out of view, the advantage lost!

The next thing they heard was hysterical laughter, not maniacal, just hysterical.  Daddy’s brother had come by after they’d gone to bed and wanted to spend the night. They didn’t have a phone, so he had been beating on the door for half an hour trying to wake them.  Fatigued with pounding, he’d finally squatted near the front door for a cigarette break before trying again.  The only threat was to their dignity, not their lives.