Day: September 16, 2024

The Cat and the Gingerbread Men

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

My son engineered The Gingerbread Man Disaster. In the days leading up to Christmas, my son decided he wanted to take gingerbread men to his homeroom class, so the evening before, we made and decorated two big trays of gingerbread men. They were very cute and aromatic. We’d done well. We left them on the counter with the intention off packing them up later.

Before long, I heard John yelling at the cat. When I got to the kitchen, John was studying his gingerbread men. “That darn cat was sitting on my cookies hut they’re okay. I can still take them.” Sure enough, the hair sticking to the cookies convicted the cat.

“You can’t take cookies the cat got on. There will be germs from the cat box. Throw them away.” I left him protesting. The next time I came through, the gingerbread men were gone. I was surprised he gave up so easily.

That evening he was in high spirits. “The kids loved the gingerbread men.” He said gleefully.

“Oh no! I told you to throw them away!” I returned.

“ I know but I got the hairdryer and blew the hair off. I passed them around in home room. After the kids started eating, I told them about the cat. Some of the girls were grossed out, especially when a girl found cat hair on hers!”

#1 

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day

When you can’t find a parking spot, you turn down the volume to see better.

#2 

The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.

I can say with pride that I could parallel park anything. But, I say with deep shame that I can’t pull into a plain, old, regular spot – head-on, mind you – in one attempt.

#3 

My 35-year boycott of Ferrari and Lamborghini is still going strong!

And will continue until they lower the price.

 

#4 

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

#5 

If a car’s chasing you, you’ll definitely get tired.

But if you chase cars, you’ll get exhausted.

#6 

What kind of cars do people in Norway drive?

Fjords.

#7 

I just got nine out of 10 on my driver’s test.

The last guy was able to get out of the way.

#8 

What’s the difference between a Fiat and a golf ball?

You can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.

#9 

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day

The biggest irony is being hit by a Dodge.

#10 

What kind of car does Yoda drive?

A Toyoda.

#11 

Did you know that Ford is making a new heated tailgate?

It’s so your hands stay warm when you are pushing it back home in the winter.

Little Kid Logic

Bud’s four-year-old nephew was a cute kid with a mouth! We were fortunate enough to be on hand when he initiated a conversation with his aunt, a proper church lady. She jokingly referred to her husband Mack as Macky Wacky Packy Sacky. Young Andrew had clearly been warned about his language prior to the visit. The warning was clearly heavy on his mind.

He rebuked her. “ Don’t say that. Macky Wacky Packy Sacky is an bad word.”

“No it’s not.” She said. “It’s a nickname.”

He studied her solemnly. “I know a bad word.”

She didn’t encourage him.

After a minute, he picked up where he’d left off. “You can’t say s—-. If you do, your mama will whip your a—!

DMV

As a driver eventually has to, I had to visit the Division of Motor Vehicles. The attendant was surprisingly chatty. We got started talking about awful driver’s license pictures. I loved it when she told me they post the really bad ones in their break room. Wouldn’t you love to see the worst of the worst?