19 Bra Truths and Jokes All Women Will Love

19 Bra Truths and Jokes All Women Will Love

Some call bras a necessary evil. Others love their push-ups. Regardless of opinion, some truths and jokes about bras are universal. SHARE this with your mother, daughter, sister or friend and make them laugh! =)

Home is where the bra isn’t

The wonderful feeling of coming home and take of the bra.
Image: The wonderful feeling of coming home and finally taking your bra off.

Finally, some appreciation

I can see your bra. - Good, it was expensive!
Image: I can see your bra. – Good, it was expensive!

Supportive bras

You can do it! You are awesome! - Supportive bras.
Image: You can do it! You are awesome! – Supportive bras.

The betrayal

The definition of betrayal? When your favorite bra tries to stab you in the heart.
Image: The definition of betrayal? When your favorite bra tries to stab you in the heart.

New, bigger bra sizes

Photo shoot of Eva’s Intimates’ coming bras in even bigger sizes. - Until then we are offering  only A to S-cup.
Image: Photo shoot of Eva’s Intimates’ coming bras in even bigger sizes. – Until then we are offering only A to S-cup.

All these bra cup sizes…

BH, T-kupa
Image: A cup, D cup, T-cup

When there’s a bra wire in the washing machine

When your man finds this in the washing machine and thinks you are crying because it broke but you know what this is and are shedding quiet tears for a fallen hero.

The best thing after a hot summer day

The feeling of fanning under the breast after a hot summer day.
Image: The feeling of fanning under the breast after a hot summer day.

An easier life

Life would be so much easier with detachable breasts.
Image: Life would be so much easier with detachable breasts.

I’ve already taken off my bra

Sorry, I can’t join. I’ve already taken off my bra for the evening.
Image: Sorry, I can’t join. I’ve already taken off my bra for the evening.

Cute underwear makes me happy

Cute underwear? Secretly happy! Ugly underwear? Secretly sad!
Image: Cute underwear? Secretly happy! Ugly underwear? Secretly sad!

Big bust and no shoulder straps – Expectation and reality

Big bust and no shoulder straps - Expectation: Everything looks fantastic all day. - Reality: The breast moves aound all the time.
Image: Big bust and no shoulder straps – Expectation: Everything looks fantastic all day. – Reality: The breast moves around all the time.

An unexpected turn in the bedroom

I've worn the same bra for six weeks without washing it.
Image: I’ve worn the same bra for six weeks without washing it.

Going out in public without a bra for the first time

How it feels to go out without bra for the first time or in a long time.
Image: How it feels to go out in public without bra for the first time or in a long time.

When talking about bras is not embarrassing anymore

As a teenager it's embarrassing to hear that your shoulder straps are showing. As adult women, we don't care at all!
Image: As a teenager it’s embarrassing to hear that your shoulder straps are showing. As adult women, we don’t care at all!

Being flat-chested

Other women’s favorite bra: High quality, beautiful design, awesome cleavage and great support. My favorite bra: Band-aid!
Image: Other women’s favorite bra: High quality, beautiful design, awesome cleavage and great support. My favorite bra: Band-aid!

Too big to see stairs

My b**bs are so big that I can't see the steps when I walk in stairs.
Image: My b**bs are so big that I can’t see the steps when I walk in stairs.

Bras that I want

Bras that I want to wear and bras that fit me.
Image: Bras that I want to wear and bras that fit me.

And finally, let us point out that all breasts are normal, wonderful and perfect!

Perfect breasts come in all shapes and sizes.
Image: Perfect breasts come in all shapes and sizes.

                             

Family’s Obsession with Medicine: A Humorous Anecdote

Daddy’s family was a fan of doctors and medicines. When they’d get together, the topic was sure to turn to their latest symptoms, doctor’s visit or medication. Diet pills and nerve pills were favorites with the women. If Aunt Jewel was prescribed a medication and didn’t complete the course, Uncle Albert polished it off. “I ain’t throwin’out somethin’ that costs that much.”

One day, Daddy heard of a fine new doctor. Soon, he was experiencing difficulties and had mother set him up an appointment. They got there on the dot and he was called straight back. As Mother waited, she noticed there were only women in the waiting room. In minutes, Daddy was back, looking sheepish.
The obstetrician/gynecologist wouldn’t see him.

Don’t Start! Just Don’t Start

man with cigarGrocery shopping with Mother was a thrilling excursion. Until after I was three, Mother bought on credit at Darnell’s Store, the only store in our little neighborhood. Housewives danced around out of Old Man Darnell’s reach while Mrs. Darnell scowled from behind the counter. Her mean little Pekingnese ran out nipping at us every time we stepped in the store, seeming to prefer the tender legs of toddlers, while Mrs. Darnell snapped that he didn’t bite, even after he drew blood. Mrs Darnell’s bald spot was set off spectacularly by her frizzy-dyed black hair. Mrs. Darnell and that hateful little dog will always be burned in my mind as a witch and her familiar. Old Man Darnell always had a big brown stogie hanging out of his mouth, which I was convinced was a turd. Any urge to smoke died then and there. I could never ask Mother about the cigar since I couldn’t phrase my question without forbidden words. I would have had to substitute gee-gee for the much-admired doo-doo word my cousins tossed about so freely. Even, at three and a half, knew it wouldn’t do to ask why Old Man Darnell always had a piece of gee gee in his mouth.

Eventually, Mother learned to drive, freeing her from Darnell’s Store. She insisted on driving into Springhill, the nearest town with an A & P and a Piggly Wiggly. She had to agree not to spend more than twelve dollars a week, since “money didn’t grow on trees,” nor were we a rich two-car family. Unless Daddy caught a ride to work, on grocery day, Mother had to take him to work, come back home till the business day started, Attend to her business, then pick him up at the end of his shift. That was eighty miles of driving, not including in-town driving, all this in company of at least two and maybe three small children if Phyllis were not in school. A timid driver, Mother never went above twenty-five miles per hour and often pulled on the shoulder if she saw a car approaching. First we had to drive by Piggly Wiggly where Mother parked to read all the specials posted on on butcher paper in the windows. With that money-saving information firmly imbedded in her mind, off we headed to the A&P where her genius proved itself.

Piggly Wiggly

Piggly Wiggly 2
Before entering, Mother powdered her nose, put on fresh lipstick, combed her hair, then turned her attention to us. In the days before she “had so many children, she didn’t know what to do,” we were all dressed up. Mother was sure to remark later who she saw who “went to town without lipstick.” We’d be eating whatever was ten-cans-for-a-dollar, reduced for quick sale, or was on special that week. We always got a box of Animal Crackers to munch in the cart as Mother inspected every can, potato, and chicken for the best buy. When we’d start badgering her for cookies, candy, and cereal with prizes, she’d say, “Don’t start! Just don’t start!” While Mother was critiquing the chickens, I remember poking my finger through the cellophane into the hambones. I don’t think she ever caught me. No Kellogg’s Cornflakes for us. We got Sunnyfield, the store brand. Long after the Animal Crackers were gone, Mother finally let the bag boy load her groceries in the trunk. He needn’t expect a tip. If she had another nickel, it was going for the specials at Piggly Wiggly.

Not long before I started school, Mother unwittingly discovered a way to ensure good behavior the whole time we were in town. She’d say, “remind me to take you by the Health Unit to get a polio shot.” My behavior was perfect till we passed the outskirts of town.

Onward to Piggly Wiggly, where she’d grab up their specials. Eventually, we’d head home with bags and bags of groceries: twenty-five pounds of flour, five pounds of dried pinto beans, a three pound can of shortening, twenty- five pounds of potatoes, five pounds of meal, three pounds of coffee, powdered milk, since it was cheaper. It seemed like it took a dozen trips to drag all those paper bags in. Invariably, a couple would break and have us chasing canned vegetables. She usually bought chicken, since that was the cheapest meat, but sometimes there’d be hamburger, roast or fish.

When I go to the grocery store with Mother now, I don’t get Animal Crackers, though I could if I wanted to. The other day were were headed into the grocery store when Mother laughed and said “Linda, will you buy me……?”

She does this as a joke every time we go in a store, now. As always, I answer back, just like she always did when I was a kid, “don’t start! Just don’t you start!” This particular day, an infuriated elderly gentleman heard the exchange, and inferred I was being unkind. I could have lost an eye before we made our explanations. It’s good to pay attention to what going on around you before opening your mouth.

Evening Plans.

What are you doing this evening?

This evening, as all evening will be simpleI am seventy-three, my husband seventy-five. We will have dinner at home, read or watch television, and be in bed by ten. I can never predict whether Sleep will come, so I may get up and write. I am not a television fan, so I never turn it on. We lead a very predictable life.

Izzy, the Runaway

We’ve had our little dog, Izzy, less than a year. Our former dog, Buzzy had died not long before. Our big dog, Croc, was lost without his friend. My niece, a rural mail carrier, called us about Izzy. It seems a lady on her route had several dogs. Izzy strayed up to her house, begging to be let in. She was kind enough to rescue him but busied herself hunting him a new home.

He is adorable but almost instantly we discovered his little secret. He’s a runner! That’s likely how he got to his foster home to start with. He’d not been with us two hours. He took the opportunity to scoot out the door and run, just a streak of white.

I followed calling him but he was gone. I got in my truck to look for him but he was nowhere to be seen. I was sick with dread fearing I’d never see him again. Eventually, I saw him resting on a doorstep, exhausted. I scooped him up and brought him home. He managed to run a couple of more times, despite our vigilance. I suspect he’d run today, given the chance.

I apologize for three lower images. I erroneously inserted them and can’t get them out.

Jokes

Someone just told me this… it’s scary how much sense it made.

A programmer walking by a stream see’s a frog. The frog calls out “hey! I’m not really a frog. If you kiss me I’ll turn into a beautiful princess!”

The programmer looks down smiles, picks up the frog, puts it into his pocket, and keeps walking.

The frog then calls out “hey, look if you kiss me I will not only turn into a princess but I’ll stay with you for a whole week!”.

The programmer pulls the frog out of his pocket looks at it, smiles and puts it back into his pocket. Then the frog calls out “hey, If you kiss me I will not only turn into a princess and stay with you for a whole week, I will do anything you want !!”

The programmer pulls the frog out of his pocket looks at it, smiles and puts it back into his pocket. Then the frog gets angry and yells out “hey, what the hell is going on?.. I told you I would turn into a princess stay with you for a week and do anything you want me to do?.. what else do you want???”

The programmer pulls the frog out of his pocket looks down, smiles and says “I’m a programmer, I don’t really need a girlfriend, but a talking frog is just  bad ass!!”

Fish, Like Guests Start to Smell in Three Days (or less)

smellyfish2  I hope my prospective hosts don’t read this before I get there.  I will have limited internet access for the next few days, but I will get back to you.

I am an excellent guest.  We went to visit relatives this weekend, but I don’t ever expect to be invited back.

I pulled bathroom curtain loose while showering.  When I called Bud to fix it, We had to get through the requisite question first.  “Why did you pull it loose?”

“I was kicking at the toilet.  I intended to break it and the mirror over the sink, but this is all I managed, for the moment.  I am so disappointed in myself.  Can you fix it anyway?  I’ll get to the rest of it as soon as I can.”

Grudgingly, he put the window curtain back up.

Later, we made a little trip into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.  Buzzy, our dog, and Bud’s aunt had gotten quite friendly.  She said he could stay with her since she was going to nap while we were gone.  I was a little concerned how that might go.  Hurrying back, I dreaded asking, “Did he do okay?”

“Did you see that movie, ‘Call of the Wild’?”  As soon as you left, he howled about every thirty seconds the whole time you were gone.”

Superficiality

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

I dislike superficial people. Should a person flash a phony smile, enthusiastically shake every man’s hand, and compliment every woman in the room, it raises red flags for me. An honest person can’t maintain that level of energy.

I am much more comfortable with friendly, down-to-earth people who don’t have something to sell. I love sincerity, a good story, and an honest smile.

Uncle Albutt Part 6

Aunt Jewel had several nieces and nephews I saw from time to time. Her sister Lucille, of the hairy legs, who was married to Daddy’s Uncle Dunc, had three daughters, Alma, Eunice, and Gladys.  

I guessed Lucille wanted to keep to her family’s tradition of inflicting horrible names on kids including her boys,  Hambone, Mookie, Teeter, and twins Fats and Snake. I can’t imagine how she settled on Fats for one of the twins.  They both were skinny as snakes, though neither bit me.

I was most impressed with Alma. Mother said she was a tramp because she wore her swimsuit and moved the grass when a road crew was working in front of their house.  It made no sense to me.  I thought she looked beautiful with her bright red lipstick, blonde ponytail tied with a scarf, teetering along in high heeled wedge sandals.  The mower gave her a lot of trouble and a couple of the guys came to check on her.  

Her sister Eunice came out in her swimsuit, but she was not so popular, probably because she was extremely thin.  Her suit bagged over her hips like a toddler’s training pants.  Alma got a boyfriend that day.  Eunice didn’t.  No matter, Eunice had somehow snagged a boyfriend named Moxy.  I think he followed her home from her carhop job.  

Mother also thought carhops were trashy, dashing my career hopes.  I was impressed when Eunice got married at the age of sixteen and had a baby shortly thereafter. Eunice and Moxy were great favorites of Aunt Jewel’s, so I heard of them from time to time over the next few years.

Gladys was nearest me in age. Apparently still under the influence of her religious, fundamentalist mother, her clothes inspired no envy in me. Her hair was tightly braided.  She wore a dark, long-sleeved dress and brown leather oxfords I did not envy.  Her mother kept her busy, leaving her little time to play with me.  I helped her wash dishes and mop the kitchen so we could escape outdoors.  

That afternoon, we waded in their pond in our clothes.  Gladys said her mama didn’t allow her to wear a swimsuit.  Afterward, I  wore one of her Pentecostal dress and flour sack bloomers while my clothes dried on the barbed wire garden fence.  I wanted to keep the flour sack bloomers, but mother insisted I give them back.  I never wore anything more comfortable.  

We each got a quarter of watermelon from their garden that had been cooled in their well. Late in the day, the men fried fish while we chased fireflies in the dusk.

Uncle Dunc, became progressively rowdier as the evening drew on.   Though I didn’t know it at the time, It was my first experience with a drunk.  Uncle Dunc began playing wildly with us, chasing us as we jumped off the high porch fronting their house into the darkness.   I enjoyed the day tremendously, though sadly, never got to visit again.  

I lay that deprivation directly at Mother’s feet based on a conversation I heard as we drove home late in the night.  She took a dim view of drunks frying fish and chasing her children into the darkness.  What a pity!  I thought I was having fun.

I later got the impression he was named Dunc because it rhymed with drunk.  Still makes sense to me.