Humorous Takes on Underwear: Laughs Guaranteed

  1. What type of underwear does Laura Croft wear? FRUIT OF THE TOMB (LOL – I literally laughed out loud the first time I heard this and Wade *actually* rolled his eyes at me)
  2. What type of underwear do Lawyers wear to court? LEGAL BRIEFS (LOL)
  3. Some people change relationships like the rest of us change underwear. At least once a day, sometimes more if shit got messy. (ew but v real lol)
  4. What do you call new underwear?UNSHARTED TERRITORY. (EW. BUT, LOL)
  5. What do tight underwear and a cheap mansion have in common? NO BALLROOM! (relatable, am I right?)
  6. What type of underwear do long distance runners wear? MARATHONGS (bahahaha)
  7. Look under there! Underwear? (HAH)
  8. What is underwears favourite salad?Wedge. (I ain’t never heard no one that wanted there salad wedged, just tossed)
  9. Watcha eating under there? Boxers or briefs? (LOL)
  10. Which unknown fashion designer covertly wrote the stylish best seller, Underwear Problems? Lou C. Lastic (hehe)

Canada

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I would probably choose Canada if I were choosing a home today. I really love the country around Banff. Dealing with the climate would have me making big adjustments since I’m from Louisiana. I wouldn’t miss the blazing summer heat.

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Lessons from a Large Family Gathering

We grew up in a huge extended family. My grandmother had more than forty grandchildren and many great-grandchildren. It was common for many of them to gather on holidays. When my brother was about four, one cousin in particular, Gary, was bad about hitting. Bill was not an aggressive kid and came crying to mother.
Before the next visit, in an effort to teach him to stick up for himself, Mother told Bill to hit Gary back. Bashful, Billy didn’t want to. Knowing he had to learn, Mother told Billy if he didn’t she’d spank him. He definitely didn’t want that.

The next day when the families got together, Billy chased Gary around in view of all the parents, calling out to Mother over his shoulder.. “Do you want me to hit him now, Mama? Can I hit him now?”

Quotes from Road Trip Veterans

Hilarious Road Trip Adventures Through National Parks

imageWe tortured our teenagers once by making them take a three-thousand mile roadtrip through several national parks.  The main thing they mention now is that Bud wore those stretch nylon coach shorts and a couple of gay guys hit on him.

In Yellowstone, he stopped for about the fourteenth time to try to get pictures of buffalo one afternoon.  The thrill of watching him try to get the perfect buffalo picture had worn thin, so the three of us watched from the car.  He fussed, tinkered, and messed with his camera, tripod and lenses till we were hoping a buffalo would gore him just enough to distract him. He worked frantically till a car pulled up just in front of him. A flambuoyant fellow trotted up to Bud, obviously interested in getting acquainted.

“Oh my, that’s some nice equipment you’ve got there,”

Ever polite, Bud thanked him, snapped a couple of random shots, grabbed his gear, and made his escape. He got no sympathy in the car! Finally, something good had happened!

“Dad, that guy, really admired your equipment! Ah ha ha ha ha!” For the rest of the trip, they worked equipment into the conversation at least ten times a day.

We stopped at a lodge that night.  As Bud was getting a room, he had a chance to make another friend. A friendly guy checking in at the same time told him, “I know you must put mayonnaise in that gorgeous beard.”

“Nope,” Bud snapped, turning to the kids. “Now get your mother so we can all go to dinner.”

Hard Time Marrying Part 5

baby-bottle

Though he considered himself unfit for human company, Jack and the barn cats didn’t concur and worked their way in next to Joe, slipping into the snug cocoon of the hay-covered saddle blanket and his heavy barn jacket.  The breathing and occasional stamping of the milk cow and the horses in their stalls eased him. This bit of his life was unmarred.  Comforted by the company of the beasts, he slipped into exhausted sleep.  Upon awakening to Ol’ Sal and her kittens purring, his spirits rose and he felt better about himself.  He lay in his nest enjoying their company till he turned to settle back in for a few more minutes.  Reaching up to feel slime in his hair, he found Ol’ Sal had rewarded him with the gift of a dead rat.  He sprang up, flinging the nasty rat, startling Jack and set the kittens to every way, his reverie ended. 

He dawdled as long as possible over the milking, spraying milk into the mouths of the dancing cats.  Rosie’s waiting calf lunged at her when he released them in to the feedlot. When the little heifer had gorged on her mother’s milk, Joe separated them, letting the cow out to graze.  Rosie ambled off without a care, leaving Baby Blossom bawling behind her. She’d be back lowing to be milked before sundown.  Joe chuckled thinking he must have looked a fool getting rid of that rat.  Tossing a clean towel over the milk, he passed out some hay and grain to the horses and opened the barn door to the corral, making sure the water troughs were full.  After tossing a few ears of corn and watering the hogs, he could no longer delay going back into the cabin.  If the kids had lived through the night, they’d need feeding, too.  If the sick woman couldn’t nurse the baby, he’d have to feed her using the bottle and some of that canned milk the town had provided before booting them all out of town.  The light was just breaking in the East on a cold, clear, windy West Texas day when he headed toward the house.

The fire was no more than embers. The small cabin reeked of urine, excrement, and fever.   He dreaded looking, but saw the boy lying to one side of the woman who’d turned to face the wall.  The child’s rapid breathing was shallow, snot crusted around his nostrils, his cheeks flaming pink.  There was no doubt about the scarlet fever.  He’d come uncovered and must have been near frozen in his sodden clothes.  Joe hastily covered him and turned to make up the fire before investigating further.  He’d have to get some food into the child and get him into a clean, warm bed to have any hope of saving the him.  He took care not to disturb the others as he heated water and looked for something to serve as clean bedding and clothes should the woman and girl be alive. Living alone, he’d never bothered with the niceties of bed-linens, settling for a simple straw-filled tick and a couple of quilts.  From the fetid smell, it was clear this one would have to be boiled and re-stuffed.  While the water heated, he brought a load of hay from the barn, along with his old barn coat and a couple of the cleaner burlap bags.  He pulled a couple of ancient quilts from a shelf, not even wondering what hand might have made them.  He’d often thought of tossing the ragged bedding, but was glad now his housekeeping had been lax.

In readiness for the tasks ahead of him, he opened the parcels, finding a baby bottle, four flannel gowns, a few cans of peaches,

some crackers, two bars of soap, in addition to several cans of milk, a bottle of Dr. Marvel’s Wonder Tonic, two rough towels, and the bolt of flannel.  In a moment of tenderness, someone had added a couple of peppermint sticks.  He warmed a pain of milk, poured some water into a wash pan, and laid out the towels and soap.  He tore off a few strips of flannel to use for diapers.  For now, that would have to do.

milk-label