- After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- It’s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing.
- I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet…it’s called “I’m hungry.”
- DIET translated means Did I Eat That?
- Food has never made me fat, but scales always do.
- I’m a light eater. As soon as the light goes on, I start eating.
- I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to dieting. Every time I start eating diet foods, I get sick of ‘em.
- I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
- I’ve tried a diet many time, but keep failing each time I’m supposed to eat.
- Dieting isn’t a piece of cake.
- Diets are for people that are thick and tired of it.
- Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
- I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
- A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Day: November 27, 2024
Thank You to Essential Workers
Once again, thank you and Happy Thanksgiving o all the hardworking people who keep things going for the rest of us on holidays. Be sure to thank those working in stores, gas stations,your hairdresser, utility workers. Should you go to emergency room or visit someone in a hospital or nursing home, you’ll see folks who regularly sacrifice to care for others, regardless of the holidays. Our military, firemen and policemen are on the job as usual. Our mail carriers are struggling under greater than usual demands. Thanks for keeping things going regardless of the holiday
Hard Time Marrying Part 18
Apology Got my stories out of sequence. To catch up, please go back and read 17 a just posted. Then move on to 17 b before you read this. 
Anna flung the door open thinking Joe was coming in with milk and eggs. A tall, thin woman in homespun holding a basket laughed at her surprise. “I’m Emma, Rufus’s wife. I was so proud to hear Joe had a new wife I didn’t wait for no invite. When Rufus said he was coming over to see if Joe I clumb right up in the wagon. I brung you some eggs, butter, and molasses for a welcome. It’s gonna be good to have a woman close by to neighbor with. You got any coffee left?”
Though Anya would have hoped to avoid company, she warmed to Emma’s warmth and pulled out a chair from the table for her. “Set yourself down. I think the coffee’s still hot.” She poured them both a cup and put a couple of biscuits on a plate to go with the butter and molasses.
Emma spread butter on a biscuit, ate it thoughtfully, and smiled. “You make a mighty fine biscuit. You gonna be a good wife to Joe. They ain’t nothin’ like good cookin’ to keep a man happy. I’m glad of it. I always been partial to Joe. He’s been alone too long.”
Sally toddled up to Anya’s knee, demanding her attention. Anya gave her a sip of milk from a cup while she gathered her thoughts, not wanting to betray herself. “Biscuits do please a man. I’m proud you like mine.”
“Your baby looks just like you with that white hair and blue eyes. Maybe Joe will lucky and the one comin’ will look like him.
Holiday meals
Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays?
Of course, our family has holiday favorites. Turkey is always the guest of honor. Then there’s cornbread dressing and homemade cranberry sauce. Green bean casserole is traditional along with mashed potatoes and gravy. Guests would be disappointed without sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pie. Our family usually divides up the menu items. Anticipating leftovers, guests know to bring take out containers. One time a guest said, “Wow, I didn’t bring anything and I’m taking home a feast!” I was fine with that since she was a cat lady.
Joke of the Day
Laugh Your Way With Joke of the Day
Thinking of being thankful while still keeping a funny tone? You can do so and still wish a happy Thanksgiving to your close ones using these famous but yet funny Thanksgiving sayings and phrases.![]( "More...")
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. ~ Phyllis Diller
We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. ~ George Carlin
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~ Iry Kupcinet
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself. ~ Mitch Hedberg
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ Jon Stewart
The thing I’m most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands. ~Unknown Author
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before. ~ Rita Rudner
I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. ~ P.J. O’Rourke
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~ Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser
I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all. ~ Ellen Orleans
We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. ~ Epicurus
It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds. ~ Unknown Author
Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. ~ Rita Rudner
What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? ~ Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. ~ Kevin James
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ Jon Stewart
Here I am 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt. ~ Roseanne Barr
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminium foil and throw them out. ~ Nicole Hollander
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ~ Erma Bombeck
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. ~ Kin Hubbard
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. ~ Jim Davis
Coexistence… what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving ? ~ Mike Connolly
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. ~ Jim Davis
If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed – like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese. ~ Ted Nugent
There is no sincerer love than the love of food. ~ George Bernard Shaw
It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful ‘in general.’ It’s very strange. It’s a little like being married in general. ~ Cornelius Plantinga, Jr
May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy. Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious, And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs! ~Unknown Author
Finish the Story
I just love doing these. It delights me to see how other writers think. I hope you will want to finish this story.
Jennifer and Jerome had been married for five years and not been able to conceive. Because they were Jewish, as a part of their genetic workup before starting infertility treatment, they learned that Jennifer carried a recessive gene for Tays-Sachs Disease, a fatal degenerative of the brain and spinal cord. Jerome did not carry the gene. They were relieved to learn their children would not be affected.
During a rough patch in their marriage, Jennifer had a brief affair with a coworker in her Baton Rouge office. She ended the affair, confided her indiscretion to Jerome, and they decided to reconcile and go ahead with infertility treatment. Following a negative pregnancy test, Jennifer had invitro fertilization. In days, Jennifer’s pregnancy was confirmed. Upon ultrasound, the doctor was concerned her fetus was larger expected. Follow up lab confirmed the fetus was positive for Tay-Sachs Disease, Her pregnancy had resulted from her affair. Finish the story.
Pirate Joke
As the Pirate ship approached the fearsome ship, the captain told his aide, “Get me my red shirt!” He fought fearlessly in his red shirt, winning the day.
After the battle, the aide asked, “Why did you want your red shirt?
“I knew I might be injured and didn’t want the men to lose heart!”
“Ah! That makes sense.”
Just then the captain saw an entire fleet approaching. “Get me my brown pants!”
Cousin Kat and the Axe-Murderer
It’s not what you think. They were good friends. The Axe-Murderer had played the piano at Little Pearson Methodist Church for years. She never missed a service, but let me start at the beginning, the part where Cousin Kat took us to visit her.
I’d heard of Cousin Kat, my mother’s first cousin all my life. Though even Mother had never met her namesake, we’d had letters once a week from her all my life. She was the eldest daughter of Grandma’s brother, Ed. Grandma had written Ed’s wife, Aunt Winnie, ever since Grandma left Virginia as a bride. Ed died and left Winnie a widow, with seven children under twelve. Grandma kept up with them, writing at least weekly. As soon as Cousin Kat got old enough, she started writing.
Though none of us met Cousin Kat till she came to see us in the 1980s, with so much correspondence having passed back and forth, we all felt like we knew each other.
She was an eccentric delight, always upbeat and chipper. On one of our first visits to Cousin Kat in Virginia, she took Mother and me to services at the Methodist Church Grandma had attended. It was lovely, simple and likely unchanged since Grandma was a girl. After the services and dinner on the grounds that followed, we met everyone in the tiny community, most of whom were our relatives. Cousin Kat made a special point to have us spend time with Miss Betsy, a shy little lady who didn’t have a lot to say. As we left, Cousin Kat offered Miss Betsy a ride home, like always.
Sweet, little Miss Betsy lived a couple of miles up the mountain in a lovely shady glade in a little white house looked like something off a postcard from heaven. We had coffee and teacakes, admired the old pictures of the precious little redheaded children over her mantle as she remarked, “That little ‘un was my baby Peggy. The boy was Tommy. We had a terrible tragedy when they were little, but I can’t remember much about it.” That definitely put a damper on the visit. Then she brightened as she pointed out a recent picture of a handsome young man with a wife and four children. “That’s my son Pete. He lives in D.C. with his family. They’ll be here next weekend.
We all admired Pete and his lovely family. As we headed home, naturally I wanted to know more about the terrible tragedy Miss Betsy alluded to. Cousin Kate, remarked, “Well, people around here are pretty hard on her about that, but I always believe in letting bygones, be bygones. Betsy was always a good girl, just kind of ‘high strung.’ She really got notiony after she had her babies. Dave had to put her in the State Hospital Mental for a few weeks after she had Tommy. She had some trouble for a good while after Peggy was born, too, stayed in the hospital awhile, then Dave brought her home, thinking she was okay. She was still feelin’ purty low, but able to take care of the kids and house.
Pete was in school by then. He come home and saw blood in the kitchen an’ Tommy under the table. He run an’ got Dave from the field. Dave come runnin’ in an’ Betsy hacked his arm with the axe as he came in the door. They got the sheriff out there to take her back to the State Mental Hospital, but before they took’er, they let’er get out the kids’ burial clothes. She’d made Peggy the sweetest little yellow and white-checked dress and made Tommy and Pete matching blue suits. It just about broke my heart!
She stayed in the hospital a long time. They gave her a bunch of shock treatments. After a few years she got out and came home to live with Pete and Dave. Dave died a few years back. Pete comes back to visit sometimes, but don’t spend the night or leave her with the kids. She don’t remember nothing now, just tiptoes around like a ghost. She never has anything to say, unless somebody talks to her first. Don’t nobody around here have much to do with Betsy. I thought it might help her to see somebody new. “
I have to admit that was an interesting experience, but hoped we hadn’t intruded on sweet, sad Miss Betsy, God Bless her and her family.
Nutsrok 