Author: lbeth1950

lbeth1950https://nutsrok.wordpress.comNow that I'm done with the bothersome business of workday world, I am free to pursue my passion, capturing the stories I've loved all my life. The ones you'll read on my blog are good old Southern stories, a real pleasure to relay. Here in the South, we are proud of our wacky folks. I've preyed shamelessly on my family, living and dead, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances, often changing the names to protect the innocent and not so innocent. My mother illustrates my blog. I come from a rollicking family of nuts, hence the name of the blog Nutsrok Enjoy.
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Lottery

What would you do if you won the lottery?

It would be a true miracle if I won the lottery since I never buy a ticket.

Good Monday

Books?

What books do you want to read?

I want to read so many books there is no need for a list. When I was a kid, I worried I would run out of books. Thank goodness, there are are an infinite amount of books.

A Rose by Any Other Name

Mother was born at home in 1928 four miles outside the tiny town of Cuthand, Texas. The irascible old doctor who was summoned to attend her delivery arrived after she did. He hastily checked out mother and baby and headed to his next call.

Kathleen’s impoverished parents didn’t send for a copy of Kathleen’s birth certificate till she was thirteen and neede it to qualify her for an allotment as a military dependent during World War II. To their surprise, after a lengthy investigation, they found out the ancient doctor had forgotten the information he’d been given and randomly filed Kathleen’s name as Bessie May Rosie Holdaway.

Kathleen had never been particularly been fond of her given name until she found she could have been laboring under the burdensome name of Bessie May Rosie.

Jokes

The young folks invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

“Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled minister,  “Are you sure about that?”

“Sure.  I heard Dad tell Mom. “I guess we might as well have that old goat for dinner today.”

The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts.

After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath – the new husband tells his wife, “Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex.”

They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, “According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath.

There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, “My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night.”

Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, “My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it.”

Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, “So how is the new husband?”

“Well, an intellectual he isn’t, but he comes from a wonderful family.”   

 

Maybe I should ……..

Back in 1996, Bud was checking out Jeeps.  He’d always wanted one.  After finding just the right one, I took him down to pick it up.  The salesman was running behind.  Another couple, very professional- looking  was also waiting for the salesman.  We made each other’s acquaintance, eventually dredging up acquaintances known to us both.  By no means were we more than two couples standing in the blazing sun making the best of waiting for an inattentive sales person.  The lady, particularly, looked prim and proper like a Sunday School teacher. Time dragged.  There was nothing particularly memorable about the situation till I blundered.

I was tired of waiting for that guy.  Pointing to a nearby Jeep, I stated.  “I think I’ll go shit on the bumper.”  I had intended to say “sit on the bumper.”  I don’t know who was more shocked, me, Bud, or the couple we waited with.  I was horrified and stammered an unimpressive apology.   Clearly, they’d spent enough time in my low company.  Nobody laughed. The couple realized they needed to be elsewhere and strolled off.  I half expected Bud to go off with them.

Bud’s Jeep still sits in our drive with nothing but a winch on the bumper.

Family Traditions

Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.

One of our favorite family traditions is gathering on holidays. We typically meet at the home of the host who provides the meat course. The rest of us bring a side dish and a salad or dessert. The spread is enormous. During the meal, we tell stories family from those long dead to the newest baby. It always brings us together.

Pushing Too Hard?

All the pressure for kids to succeed now must be really rough.  I suspect parents don’t know the toll their children pay for the pressure to “do their best” and “achieve.”  Remembering the relief of playing after school, homework and chores, I would have hated knowing I had to face more pressure in dance class, athletics, and tutoring.  As clumsy as I was, it would have been more stressful than school. Continue reading →

Enjoyment

What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

I enjoy reading, WordPressing, spending time with my dogs, and piddling around my house and yard.