Hard Time Marrying Part 21

Emma tapped on the door, explaining before she even got in. “I can’t stay.  Me and Rufus is on the way to town.  Nellie Mason told me your cow was dry, so I brung you some butter and two gallons of milk for the youguns.  If it turns before they finish it, you might have enough for a churning.  Can I bring you anything from town? ”

“Thank you, but no.  This milk and butter are sure welcome. Are you sure you cain’t set awhile?  I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee with a friend.  It gets mighty quiet with Joe gone all day.”  Anya longed for the comfort of a woman’s company.

“No, Rufus is a’waitin’ in the wagon.  I better get on, but I sure wish you’d ride over with Joe Saturday when he comes to help Rufus fix the windmill.  I could kill a chicken an’ make some dumplings.  We could have some good woman talk.”  Emma’s eyes crinkled.  “Is Joe proud about the baby?”

“Oh, I ain’t told him yet.  I been spottin’ some and I’m afeared I may not carry it.  I don’t want him to worry if they ain’t no need.”  Anya had no idea how that spilled out.

“I’ve sorrowed over that.  I lost two between Martha and Melvin.  I’ll pray for you.”  She gave Anya a warm hug.

Tears sprung to Anya’s eyes at her friend’s kindness.  “I thank you, Emma.  I’d be proud to see you on Saturday.”

“That will be something to look forward to.  See you then.”  Anya followed Emma into the yard and waved as the Menlo’s wagon rattled off.

 

Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen

imageOne of my Cousin Kat’s best friends was Don Waters who ran the funeral home.  Truth be told, he was probably sweet on her. She needed to go to Mason City to see her eye doctor when Don mentioned he had to make the trip to pick up a body at the airport. Cousin Kat was tight as Dick’s hatband and not a bit squeamish about a little thing like riding with a  body. Turns ou it was Mabel Peter’s who she’d ridden to work with for over twenty years.  

Surely Mabel, dead would be less aggravating than Mabel, alive. There was no reason in the world to waste her high-priced gasoline driving over the mountain when she could ride along with Don and Mabel.  The hearse’s passenger side door didn’t work, but Don never gotten it fixed since he rarely had a live passenger. Mabel had gone off to live with her daughter in Medford till the diabetes got her.

They left early.  Don’s hearse was quite comfortable, but a mite cool for her tastes.  She was glad she’d brought a sweater along.  Good thing Mabel had always been hot-natured.  It used to make Cousin Kat mad how she wouldn’t turn on the heater in her car  till it was nearly freezing.  “You know how stout folks are.”

Don was a big guy and moved a little slow for her tastes. She got a few strange looks climbing out the back door of the hearse at the eye doctor’s when she got tired of waiting on Don to let her out the driver’s side. You’d think folks never saw a woman climbing out of a hearse.

Don waited while she had her eyes checked, then they went to lunch.  Always interested in what was going on, at the airport, she climbed out of the back of the hearse and followed Don into the cargo area.  Mabel’s coffin was being bumped and jostled to the loading dock just as they got there. Prior to signing the receipt, Don lifted the coffin lid, tiny cousin Cat crowding right in beside him to see how Mabel looked.  No Mabel!

“She ain’t in here!  She must’a dumped out on th’ way!”  A plane could be seen taxiing for take off.

“0h $;@”:#%+!  Somebody stop ’em!  They lost the stiff!”  one of the workers shouted.

Meanwhile Cousin Kat’s nosiness paid off.  She spotted a little something in the coffin.  Pointing it out to Don Waters, he lifted the lower panel of the coffin where Mabel’s leg-less body had slid during transport, making the coffin initially appear empty.

After retrieving what was left Mabel, Don and Cousin Kat were on their way.  Cousi Kate was well satisfied with her adventure.  She’d gotten a free ride to Mason City, Don had bought her lunch, she’d seen how bodies were shipped. Best of all, she was the first in the neighborhood to know the lowdown on Mabel.

Best Ever Rabbi and Priest joke

A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.Finally the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the hell out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”

Hard Decision?

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

I loved school, a feeling that led me to believe I’d like to be a teacher. After I got my education degree. It didn’t take me much time in the classroom to realize I was not cut out to be a teacher. I was a total mismatch. I am so appreciative of those who do that demanding job but quickly knew I was totally inadequate. I made the decision to go to nursing school, a career that suited me. Never underestimate the challenges teachers face. They do a job most of us are not willing or capable of doing.

Easiest Caramel Pie

I get many requests for this pie. It’s very easy but time-consuming.

Ingredients

2 cans sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)

Graham Cracker Crust

Take labels of sweetened condensed mild and submerge, unopened in a deep pot of water

Boil 3 hours, adding water as needed to keep submerged. I set my kitchen timer.

Take hot cans from boiling water and let cool exactly ten minutes.

Open with care and pour caramelized sweetened condensed milk into pie crust and freeze. Will not setup if you don’t totally freeze.

Serve with whipped cream if desired.

Hard Time Marrying Part 20

athens-plants-201Anya kept quieter than usual over the next few days, hoping against hope Joe wouldn’t notice her pregnancy till she came up with a plan.  She wouldn’t be able to hide it much longer.  She’d been here since the last of February and it was nearly June.  She might be as much as four months now.  She’d never invited Joe into her bed and he’d spent his nights in the barn.

Joe called her out to talk to him.  “We got trouble.  Come walk with me over this ridge. ”

Her heart nearly stopped, thinking he’d noticed her condition.

They walked a long way toward the field without speaking.  “Remember I told you I was letting the cow go dry ‘cause she’s gonna to calve in June.  Look out there.”  He pointed to some white lacy-topped weeds that had sprung up in a hollow near the creek.  “See that.  Somehow, I missed them weeds and the cow got in ‘em.   Now she’s done lost her calf.  We needed that calf and the milk and now we ain’t got neither.  I don’t know what we gonna do for milk.  Them young’uns has got to have milk.  I hate to let ‘em down.”

“Them weeds made her throw her calf?  I never heard of such a thing.  I hate we lost the calf, but is the cow gonna be okay?”  For the first time, Anya had a flicker of hope.

“The cow is fine.  We just ain’t gonna have no milk for nearly a year.  After a few days, I’ll have to git her over to Fred Mason’s bull.  I ain’t got no money for another cow, but  I’m gonna see if I can help Fred git his crops in in trade for a goat or two.  He’s got all them young’uns and they keep a few milk goats to keep’em in milk when his cow dries up for a while.  I might have to work off the place for a few days, but I don’t see no way around it.  Do you reckon I could git you to keep the place goin’ while I’m gone?  I know it a in’t a woman’s place to do all this heavy work.  I hate so bad to ask you, but I don’t see no other way?”

Anya took his hand.  “I’d be proud to.  Workin’ ain’t no problem to me.  I need to earn my keep and help you out.  You been good to me.”

Joe, looked into her eyes.  “You’re a fine woman.  It’s easy being good to you.  I thank you.”

For the first time, Anya felt hope.

Cousin Kathleen and the Groundhog

imageThis is the time of year we’d visit Cousin Kathleen, a tiny, self-sufficient, little mountain woman.  The first time Bud and I went to visit at her little house clinging to the side of a mountain in Virginia’s Blue Ridge Moutains we were lingering over coffee at the breakfast table overlooking her garden when she spotted a fat groundhog eating her tomatoes.  Without a word, she jumped up, grabbed a 357 pistol off the top of her refrigerator and flew out the back door firing a shot.  The ground hog escaped, but she blew the tomato plant away!  She was quite disappointed, since she’d been planning to eat him.  Later that morning, we caught a couple of trout in Little Wilson Creek, Just down from her house.  Bud usually practiced catch and release, but she was outraged at the thought.  Rushing us home, by ten- thirty she had cooked and trout eaten them all herself, horrified to think they might have been wasting their afternoon back in the creek.

That afternoon, we had to go see the cemetery.  Cousin Kathleen proudly confided she “ran” the cemetery.  Not sure what that meant, I had to ask.

“I am in charge of the man who mows.  I keep up with the money.  I decide where folks get plots.  I am the one to call in case of emergencies.”

I wanted to ask what kind of emergencies cemeteries might have, except for the rapture, of course, but kept my mouth shut.

One morning, Cousin Kathleen took us out to see the countryside.  Deep in the hills, she had Bud whip into a drive.  “I used to work with the woman who lives here.  Come on.  I want you to meet her.”  Uncomfortable at dropping in on unknown mountaineers, we dragged a little getting out.  A man in overalls sat on the porch.

“Where’s Molly?  I sed to work with her.”  Cousin Kathleen greeted him.

“Molly’s gone.”

Clearly anxious to see her friend, Cousin Kathleen demanded, “Gone where?  When will she be back?”

“She’s dead.  She ain’t gonna be back.”

“Oh well, see you later, then.”  She scurried back to the car with us right her.  “Well, I sure never heard she was dead!”  I kind of thought she hadn’t by that time.

We went fishing that afternnoon.  For dinner that night, we had fresh-caught trout, green beans and potatoes, tomatoes, and cucumbers fresh from the garden.  For dessert, we had fresh rhubarb cobbler.  What a wonderful dinner and day of memories!

 

 

 

 

 

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Afternoon Funny/ How to Write Good

Little Rules of Life

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Sing in the shower.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
Leave the toilet seat in the down position.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Plant a tree on your birthday.
Learn 3 clean jokes.
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.
Compliment 3 people every day.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Leave everything a little better than you found it.
Keep it simple.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Floss your teeth.
Ask for a raise when you think you’ve earned it.
Overtip breakfast waitresses.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say, “Thank you” a lot.
Say, “Please” a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other people’s birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Carry jumper cables in your truck.
Have a firm handshake.
Send lots of Valentine cards.
Sign them, “Someone who thinks you’re terrific.”
Look people in the eye.
Be the first to say hello.The Little Rules of Life
Use the good silver.
Return all things you borrow.
Make new friends, but cherish the old ones.
Keep a few secrets.
Sing in a choir.
Plant flowers every spring.
Have a dog. (Or cat)
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Stop blaming others.
Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Wave at kids on school busses.
Be there when people need you.
Feed a stranger’s expired parking meter.
Don’t expect life to be fair.
Never underestimate the power of love.
Drink champagne for no reason at all.
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I made a mistake.”
Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.”
Compliment even small improvements.
Keep your promises no matter what.
Marry for love.
Rekindle old friendships.
Count your blessings.
Call your mother.

by H. Jackson Brown Jr.