An Elf, a Human and a Dwarf, all old friends, are sitting at a tavern, talking about the night they had with their wives…
The Human smirks as he says “Damn, but I had fun last night. I banged my wife good last night, about seven times… When we woke up this morning, she told me she loved me and was going to make my favorite meals all day..”
The Elf looks at him, then smirks and responds “Well, I only made love four times to my wife last night, but each time was like a new ecstatic experience. When we awoke this morning, she said we’d spend the rest of our days together and would surprise me again tonight..”
The Dwarf looks at them both and snorts, drinking his beer silently. After an uncomfortable of being stared at by the other two, he finally says “Fine, fine.. My wife and I had intercourse once last night.”
The other two blink, until the Elf smirks and asks “Pray, tell us what she said to you this morning..”
This time, the Dwarf smirks and says “She said.. Please, Honey, don’t stop now…”
My grandparent’s wedding picture, though this is not their story. I am posting an extra story today as an early Christmas gift.
The situation Joe had most dreaded had come to a head at Anya’s most vulnerable time. Making a run for it with two little ones and a newborn would be futile. He’d just have to face this situation straight on. No one was going to hurt Anya and rip his family apart after they’d struggled so hard to be together.
Seeing Anya’s joy in Rose Anya was bittersweet, knowing what he’d have to tell her, but he could let her have this day unmarred. Emma had left a pot of soup bubbling on the hearth. Joe decided to do nothing but necessary chores and store up the joy of this day. When Anya wasn’t holding Rose Anya, he was. The little ones played happily in the warmth of family.
Joe didn’t allow himself to think of the preacher and sheriff’s impending visit. The sheriff didn’t wait a few days, just showed up with the preacher the next morning, probably to avoid the problem of having to pursue them. Joe greeted them gruffly. The sheriff was a definite threat, and Joe had never known kindness, only judgment from church folk.
“I know why you are here. I ain’t gonna let you make trouble for us. My wife just gave birth to an early baby and she ain’t strong
“We need to talk to her. I just need the preacher to say if she’s the same woman you married. We won’t take much of your time.” The sheriff stood his ground.
The preacher rocked back and forth with his hands clasped behind him. “Lord knows we hate to bother you, but the sheriff says this has got to be done. I’d be obliged if we could get it over with so I can get back to town. I got a couple that wants marrying.”
Grudgingly, Joe showed them in. “Anya, this here is the sheriff and the preacher what married us. I know you remember him, even though you was so sick.”
Anya’s eyes widened in fear, taking the situation in. “Why shore I do. A woman don’t fergit her weddin’. Welcome preacher. I cain’t git up cause I’m nursing my baby. She’s a mite early an’ I don’t want to jostle her. She ain’t strong an’ needs to nurse.”
“Why shore, Ma’am. Good to see you again. That baby is a tiny little thing. I wouldn’t want to unsettle her. It’s good to see things working out so good for you.” Anya took heart from his kind words.
The sheriff took his cue. “Ma’am, I’m sorry I had to bother you, but I needed to git the preacher to identify you. I am glad ever’thing worked out so good. Joe, you take care of this fine woman an’ that purty, little baby. I got to be going.”
“Sheriff, if you can wait a few minutes, this little one needs christening. It’s a long trip to town an’ I can git the job done as long as I’m here,” the preacher addressed the sheriff.
“Why shore. I’ll just wait outside.” He left them alone.
The preacher faced Joe and Anya. “I don’t know how I done it, but I realized after y’all left that night I never gave you a certificate. I’d like to marry you again an’ make sure ever’thing’s right before I christen that baby if that’s alright with you. I disremember the date, but you can help with that. Then we can git that little feller taken care of. The Lord wouldn’t want me to leave a job half-done.”
Here you see my best friend in the LSU sweater I crocheted her. She is a rabid fan. She even dresses up in her LSU gear when she’s watching the game alone. We worked together for many years. I always knew it was going to be a good day when we worked together. She’s moved away now but we make a point to get together a few times a year. Even a bad day at work was a good day with her.
What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?
My ninety-six year old mother sold her home and moved into an independent living apartment. She is extremely happy there. She’s made many friends. I don’t worry about her being alone and falling now. She eats with her friends in the dining room and has gained four pounds. She walks twice daily and is stronger and more steady. She said she wishes she’d moved there ten years ago.
This is the first challenge I’m facing. My precious little lapdog is very needy. He’s just realized how much he always wanted to knit.
I went for a couple of sessions of knitting class just before the COVID shutdown. I managed to cast on and do a couple of rows in the first class. We were instructed to do a few more practice rows before the next class. I waited to continue until right before the next class. Everything I had struggled to learn in class abandoned me. Bud offered to help me after studying what I’d done. When I got back, the instructor was impressed. “You can help me teach this class.”
I had to fess up, Bud did the work I was showing. I plugged on through the class making no progress. COVID cancelled the class. I wasn’t sorry.
Anyway. I am giving it another shot. I gathered my supplies, found a Youtube tutor and set to it. So far, I did moderately fair with casting on. Time to go back and study the Tutorial so more.
I am fortunate that my yard touches several wooded areas. Of course my yard is teeming with squirrels and birds, who I feed. Deer often stroll across the wooded edges of my yard. We have been watching one doe for several years. She regularly births twins. Once, she brought her young twins and her twin yearlings to dine on our muscadines. We regularly see a red fox. Once she came and peeked in our garden room window. It is lovely to see all the creatures who share our home.
My brother weighed ten pounds at birth. He was born in the car on the way to the hospital but that’s a story for another day. My cousin Eddie, a colicky, pint-sized baby, was about four months younger. One afternoon when Billy was about five months old and Eddie about one month, Mother and Aunt Bonnie put both babies on a blanket on the living room floor while they had coffee in the kitchen. Billy cooed and played happily while Eddie wailed incessantly, as usual. When they finished their coffee, the mothers went to check on the babies. It turns out Poor Eddie was crying for a good reason. Husky Billy who was teething had maneuvered himself around where he could gnaw on Eddie’s skinny little leg. The poor baby’s leg was red from ankle to above the knee.
Emma spent the night and eased Anya’s concerns about baby care and breast-feeding. If she thought Anya seemed less than experienced, she voiced no concerns. “Don’t worry. It’ll all come back to you. After you’ve had six or seven, you’ll be nursing one, luggin’ one on your hip, an’ swattin’ one out of trouble without turning a hair. You sure birthed this one easy. You don’t look like you got child-bearin’ hips, but she didn’t give you a bit of trouble. I got a lot wider hips than you, but when I had my Marthy………..” Anya enjoyed the tenor of her friend’s conversation, but was lost in admiration for the tiny baby. Her ears perked up when Emma moved on to a discussion of the baby’s size. “I do believe that’s the smallest, healthy baby I ever seen. My Melvin would’a made two of her, but he was a big ol’ lunker. I swear, this baby could sleep in a shoe box.!”
Joe looked alarmed. “But she’s big enough, ain’t she? I’m a big feller, but my ma never weighed ninety pounds and she could’a whooped a bear.”
“No, Joe. She’s breathin’ fine, her color’s good, and she’s nursing like there ain’t no tomorrow. This baby’s just little, not puny.” Emma laughed at his concerns.
Anya acted huffy. “Now don’t go making my baby out to be too little. Give her time and she’ll set you straight. I ain’t never been big as nothin’ but I can take care of you two if you keep picking on my baby.” She smiled and nuzzled its sweetness.
Emma laughed and Joe looked alarmed. “I ain’t talkin’ against the baby. I just got worried when Emma said she was too little.”
Emma threw a towel at him. “I ain’t never said nothin’ was wrong with being little. I was just saying she’s smaller than them buffaloes I birthed. I think that was right smart of Anya to cook up a little one.” They all got a good laugh out of that. “I do believe I’d keep her away from other folks till she catches up a little so she don’t catch something. What do y’all reckon on naming this big ol’ gal?”
Anya looked to Joe. He thought long before speaking, “Well, if you ain’t opposed, Anya. I’d like to name her after two of the finest women I ever knowed, Rose for my mama and Anya for you.”
Anya looked at him with love. “I’d be right proud to call her that.”
Nutsrok 