humor

Surviving Hardship: Cousin Kat’s Life Lessons from Virginia

Cousin Kat was born the eldest of seven in 1916 in the mountains of Western, Virginia. Her father died of a cerebral aneurysm when she was only twelve. Her father and my grandmother were siblings. Sadly, Cousin Kat and her brother, only one year younger, had to leave school. They went to work immediately upon their father’s death. Neither of them ever got to live at home again after that. They took whatever jobs they could get. She did housework and canning. She helped with the sick or the elderly. She assisted with children and helped with gardening. She took on whatever tasks she could find. Her brother did whatever work he managed to find, usually on a farm.

Her widowed mother was left with five small children, the youngest on three. A kind-hearted neighbor allowed her and the children to harvest his bean field. Other neighbors helped harvest their fields, saving them from starvation. Another neighbor gave them a pig to fatten. These kindnesses saved them from starvation. Her father-in-law allowed them to move in a laborer’s house on his farm so they wouldn’t have to pay rent.

As the other children were old enough, they went to work for a dollar or two a week and their board, just as the older children had. Their happiest times were when they got to come home and be together on weekends.

Things got better for the family during Roosevelt’s New Deal. The oldest boy went into the CCC and was able to more money home. Kat got work with NYC and was able to get a earn some cash and get a little schooling. Eventually, there were benefits for women and orphans, easing the pressure. One after the other, the children joined the military or moved away to get better jobs. Cousin Kat married at eighteen. She and her husband moved to Maryland for five years to work and save every penny. They came back home and bought a small farm next to her mother. Her husband farmed and Kat took a job in a garment factory.

Cousin Kat was frugal her whole life, never spenting a penny she if she could avoid it, influenced by her hard early years.

Very Best Christmas Cartoons for You

Caroline: What happens when Santa Claus gets stuck in a chimney?
Jill: Tell me.
Caroline: He gets Claustrophobia!

Joke submitted by Caroline V., Castle Rock, Colo.

Drake: You find it in December but not in any other month. What is it?
Gina: I don’t know.
Drake: The letter D!

Joke submitted by Drake L., Charlotte, N.C.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Maggie: What is the most dangerous kind of body part?
Sara: I don’t know.
Maggie: Mistletoes.

Joke submitted by Maggie S., Madison, Wis.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Zachary: Which of Santa’s reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of?
Lee: No idea.
Zachary: Comet!

Joke submitted by Zachary A., Miami, Fla.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Ricky: What is a snowman’s favorite snack?
Zoey: I don’t know.
Ricky: Ice crispy treats.

Joke submitted by Ricky M., Atlanta, Ga.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Henry: What did one gingerbread man say after all the others were eaten?
Lauren: I haven’t the foggiest.
Henry: “It’s hard to bake new friends.”

Joke submitted by Henry P., Portland, Ore.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Tom Swifty: “I wish I’d never come to the North Pole,” Tom said coldly.

Joke submitted by Owen B., Maplewood, N.J.

Comic by Jon Carter

Young: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Chris: I’m stumped.
Young: “Jungle Bells!”

Joke submitted by Young L., Chicago, Ill.

Comic by Daryll Collins

Tough Teacher

The new teacher intended to brook no nonsense in his one room school. The students took their seats as he walked around slapping his hand with his strap.

He whirled and turned his attention to the first boy in the first row. “You boy! What’s your name, boy?”

“Sam.” answered the boy.

“Hold out your hand!” The teacher snapped. He strapped the palm of the boy’s hand. “Your name is Samuel! Don’t ever let me hear you say Sam, again!”

He turned to the next boy. “What’s your name?”

“Zeke.” said the boy.

“Hold out your hand!” When the boy extended his hand, the teacher strapped his palm smartly. “Your name is Ezekial! Don’t ever say Zeke again!”

He turned to the third boy. “Boy, what’s your name?”

Trembling the boy answered, “Bobual?”

Meat

What are your feelings about eating meat?

I eat meat. I realize it is a burden for the planet. It would be much better if we were all vegetarian. I should make the effort to change my habit. I know if I had to procure and prepare what I ate I would be a vegetarian.

Christmas Revelations

We’d put away all the Christmas decorations weeks before.   We’d finally gotten our eighteen month old, John, to bed after several unsuccessful attempts and had collapsed, totally whipped.  Meanwhile, he’d  been entertaining himself rummaging quietly through a dresser drawer we’d thought inaccessible.  After a few minutes, he toddled into the living room victorious dragging garland, an ornament in each hand, announcing, “Santa Claus is coming to town.  I’ll be damned!”

Very Best Christmas Cartoons for You

Caroline: What happens when Santa Claus gets stuck in a chimney?
Jill: Tell me.
Caroline: He gets Claustrophobia!

Joke submitted by Caroline V., Castle Rock, Colo.

Drake: You find it in December but not in any other month. What is it?
Gina: I don’t know.
Drake: The letter D!

Joke submitted by Drake L., Charlotte, N.C.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Maggie: What is the most dangerous kind of body part?
Sara: I don’t know.
Maggie: Mistletoes.

Joke submitted by Maggie S., Madison, Wis.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Zachary: Which of Santa’s reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of?
Lee: No idea.
Zachary: Comet!

Joke submitted by Zachary A., Miami, Fla.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Ricky: What is a snowman’s favorite snack?
Zoey: I don’t know.
Ricky: Ice crispy treats.

Joke submitted by Ricky M., Atlanta, Ga.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Henry: What did one gingerbread man say after all the others were eaten?
Lauren: I haven’t the foggiest.
Henry: “It’s hard to bake new friends.”

Joke submitted by Henry P., Portland, Ore.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Tom Swifty: “I wish I’d never come to the North Pole,” Tom said coldly.

Joke submitted by Owen B., Maplewood, N.J.

Comic by Jon Carter

Young: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Chris: I’m stumped.
Young: “Jungle Bells!”

Joke submitted by Young L., Chicago, Ill.

Comic by Daryll Collins

Remembering the Care: A Nurse’s Reflection

Dear Patient,

You probably don’t remember me,but I was your nurse.  I took care of you when you had your baby, took care of your sick child, comforted you when you were in pain.  I worked extra shifts on holidays and weekends because you needed me.  I rejoiced when you got better.  Cried with you when you needed a friend and tried to help you find the answers.  I visited with yoy when no visitors came. I sang and talked to you when you seemed unresponsive because I knew you were in there.  I brought Easter baskets for your children so they wouldn’t be disappointed when they came to see you on Easter.  I hugged you and your family. I inderstood and didn’t get mad when you were angry or mean when you were in pain. I talked to you about things outside the hospital to give you something else to think about, trying to bring you a story that would interest you everyday, unless you just needed me to be quiet with you.  I was there for your miracle and to hold your hand when you died talking to Mama.  I never corrected you, knowing it was her hand you were holding. I talked about death with you if you wanted to.

Nursing was my job, but taking care of you was my privilege.  Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

Cotton

What are your two favorite things to wear?

I don’t even have to think about this one. I wear only cotton, the older and softer the better. My favorite would be a midi length cotton dress for working in the yard. It matters not if I get it wet or muddy because it dries quickly. When I’m done, I shower and don its twin. In cooler weather, I wear cotton jeans and tops. All my tops match all my jeans, so I don’t have to make a decision. The older my clothes, the better.

Accounting Jokes


Top 45 Rib Cracking Accounting Jokes – The Lighter Side of Numbers

Author: Financial Cents

Financial Cents Hub» Articles» Top 45 Rib Cracking Accounting Jokes – The Lighter Side of Numbers

In this article 

Have you ever been in the middle of a demanding, high-pressure accounting task, and a colleague comes in to share a joke that immediately gets you laughing to the point of forgetting all the stress momentarily? That’s the power of accounting jokes — they are a great way to lighten the mood and bring much-needed balance into the world of numbers.

In this article, we’ve compiled a list of the top 45 rib-cracking accounting jokes that will make you smile or chuckle. From clever puns to witty one-liners, these jokes will tickle your funny bone. So put all debits and credits aside, sit back, relax, and prepare for a good laugh!

45 of the funniest accounting jokes you should hear

“Laughter is the best medicine,” they say. For accountants, that popular saying is doubly true. Laughter is the key to preserving your sanity in this demanding profession, and it’s the best remedy after a long day of crunching numbers.

We have plenty of accounting jokes, but they’re never appreciated 😉. However, we’re sure you’ll appreciate the ones below.

1. Welcome to the accounting department! You take the credit; we process the debit.

2. What do constipated accountants do? Work it out with a pencil.

3. How do you know your son is going to be a CPA?

When you read him the story of Cinderella and get to the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, he asks, “Daddy, is that ordinary income or a capital gain?”

 4. Who leads accountants to battle?

General Ledger.

5. How did the accountant propose to his girlfriend?

With an engagement letter.

accounting jokes: how did the accountant propose to his girlfriend?

6. Why are accountants so unhappy?

Because it’s accrual world.

7. What’s an accountant’s favorite exercise?

Balancing the books. It’s a great way to work out those numbers!

8. An accountant was having difficulty sleeping and went to see his doctor.

“Doctor, I just cannot get to sleep at night.”

“Have you tried counting sheep?”

“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then I spend three hours trying to find it.”

9. What do you call wet money?

Liquid asset.

10. “I’m in danger”

Source

11. What do partnerships and ghosts have in common? 

They’re both pass-through entities.

12. An accountant was leaving another accountant’s office and said, “Calc you later!”

13. Why did the accountant bring a ladder to the tax office?

To reach the highest tax bracket.

14. How do you catch an auditor lying?

You throw a net over them.

15. Have you heard about the accountant who was a great baker?