humor

Izzy’s Journey: From Trash to Treasures

My little rescue dog obviously never had a toy before settling in with us. He was a quick study. Soon he was obsessing over them.

When I make the bed in the morning, I empty the bed of his menagerie. He quickly returns them to the foot of the bed. As the day continues, he progressively moved them toward Bud’s pillow and rumples the bed covers in order to conceal them.

I’m glad he shares his collection exclusively with Bud, especially his two favorites, a desiccated round steak bone and a shark rib bone he snitched from the trash. Bud trashed the bones several times, but the keep returning.

Izzy’s collection
Izzy

Thanksgiving Jokes for Your Pleasure

  • “Why did the turkey bring a microphone?” “He was ready to roast.”
  • “Which side of a turkey has more feathers?” “The outside.”
  • “Is that your pop-up timer or are you just happy to see me?”
  • “What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?” “Drumsticks for everyone!” 
  • “Why did the turkey stand on stilts?” “Because nobody eat flamingoes for Thanksgiving dinner.”
  • “What kind of turkey requires ID?” “Wild Turkey.”
  • “What did the turkey say when he met the president?” “Pardon me.”
  • “How does a turkey travel?” “By gravy train.”
  • “What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving?” “Lucky!”
  • “What did the turkey say to his real estate agent?” “Turn-key only.”
  • “What’s a turkey’s favorite month?” “They don’t have one, but they prefer any other than November!”
  • “What sound does a turkey’s phone make?” “Wing-wing-wing.”
  • “What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?” “Quack, Quack!”
  • “Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?” “He sensed fowl play.”
  • “What key has legs and can’t open a door?” “A tur-key.” 
  • “Why did they let the turkey join the band?” “Because he had his own drumsticks.”
  • “What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?” “He got the stuffing knocked out of him!”

Podcasts

What podcasts are you listening to?

None

Fire!

I was not envious of Bud when I was a kid. He lived directly across from the Baptist church. He’d never have been able to come up with an excuse to skip church if his feet worked.

As was usual in that day, the parsonage was alongside the church. Also, as usual, the preacher’s kid was a rotter. Although there were no kids his age at the Bethea household, they’d made the mistake of tolerating him, so he haunted Bud’s poor sisters. He never bothered to knock, just made himself welcome.

One day, he showed up just as they were taking brownies out of the oven. The brownies were intended for an upcoming social event. Nonetheless , without waiting for an invitation, he helped himself. Finding them to his satisfaction, he remarked, “That was good. I’ll have another.”

On another occasion, he let himself in the front door without invitation, as usual, announcing he had a box of matches. Cognizant it was the fall of the year with tempting piles of dry leaves lying about the yard, one of the girls reminded him to keep those matches in his pocket. Her direction went in one ear and out the other. Within five minutes, he was tearing through the house shouting, “Fire! And I don’t know how it got started!”

Perfect Happiness

It is so easy to make Bud a perfect meal, I don’t know why I don’t do it every night.

There are several interchangeable choices. All I have to do is cook steak, chicken, roast beef or pork, ribs, or meatloaf with gravy. My second decision is between rice, stewed or mashed potatoes. The third decision is the side. Black-eyed peas, always Bud’s first choice, either pinto, lima, red, or green beans.

Of course, we need a bread. Biscuits, cornbread, or rolls are always fine. Should I feel particularly industrious, dessert is in order, preferably homemade apple pie or yellow cake with buttercream frosting.

I can throw all the salad in the trash. Oh yes, Bud always volunteers to make the gravy if its not cooked along with the meat.

A dash of Maxine

Literature

What was your favorite subject in school?

I loved reading. I used to tear through the stories in my reader. My favorite reader was Runaway Home. The father took a year off work to paint. The reader detailed their adventures while traveling the country in a camper. It seemed like a dream come true. I did not enjoy the reading aloud in class. I read ahead while trying to pay just enough attention to hear when I was called upon. It must have been misery for the poor readers waiting for their turn to read. I dreaded it along with them, knowing they’d have to laboriously stumble through a paragraph or two. I stayed in trouble for dashing through my work so I could pull a library book out of my desk.

Blind Jokes

Blind date. Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the heck out of the dog.

What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? “That’s the most violent book I’ve ever read.”

What has two eyes but can not see? Stevie Wonder.

What do you call Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis? Endless Love

Yo mama so ugly the local peeping-tom knocked on her door, and asked her to shut her blinds.

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