humor

Pumpkin Butter

It is the time of year people start to crave pumpkin: pumpkin coffee, pumpkin coffee creamer, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie. I didn’t realize until a few years ago that decorative pumpkins, the kind used for jack-o-lanterns weren’t intended for cooking. Canned pumpkin is much better in recipes.

I made pumpkin butter today for Mother and her friends at her independent living facility. I found it rather endearing that one of the lovely ladies asked me to make some, knowing I love to can. It is a very simple recipe.

Crock Pot Pumpkin Butter

4 29 oz. cans pumpkin

2 lbs. light brown sugar

4 tbs. Pumpkin Pie Spice

Mix all ingredients in crock pot. Cook on high 3-4 hours till flavors blend. You may add more pumpkin pie spice if desired. Put in clean pint jars with clean flats and rings. To process, put in rack in deep pot. Cover tops with at least 1 inch water. Bring to a full boil and process at least 15 minutes. Put jars to cool on rack or cutting board. Tops should pop and depression in lid should snap down as they cool. Makes 8 pints.

This makes a wonderful gift!

You Used to Be Beautiful!

Kathleen Holdaway in flowered dress0002One warm afternoon in late May, 1960, Billy and I were lying on the living room floor as Mother reclined a few minutes with her feet up wearing the heavy surgical weight stockings the doctor had ordered. She was six months into a difficult pregnancy with her last child,and was supposed to be off her feet. She had spent a good portion of the morning tying to keep an eye on her fourteen-month-old, Connie, while trying to coax twelve-year old Phyllis and me at ten to do a little housework, help with Connie, and even get a little work out of seven-year-old Billy, while keeping him out of trouble. Phyllis was watching Connie. We were all terminally lazy, slacking off at the first excuse. None of us had any intention of doing anything we could avoid.

As we dawdled at her feet on the floor in the draft of the attic fan, one of us pulled out an old photo album. I quickly found a picture of her made her senior year of high school, the peak of her youth and beauty. “I graduated thirteen years ago today,” she remarked smilingly.

In my infinite wisdom, I proclaimed, “Oh Mother, you used to be beautiful!”

I turned for her smile, only to see a snarling, slobbering, swollen beast ready to pounce on me in rage! “”Used to be beautiful! Let’s see what you look like when you have five kids in twelve years! Put this stuff up, right now. Linda, you take your smart mouth and get those dishes washed. Phyllis, you put a pot of beans on for supper. Billy, you…”

By the way, this is not the picture in question. That one mysteriously disappeared

Without a Computer

Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

Without a computer there wouldn’t be WordPress, so I wouldn’t be writing. I wouldn’t look things up on Google. I’d be going to the library for books. I’d have an old-fashioned phone. Of course, I wouldn’t order my groceries on line. It would be my old life.

19 Bra Truths and Jokes All Women Will Love

19 Bra Truths and Jokes All Women Will Love

Some call bras a necessary evil. Others love their push-ups. Regardless of opinion, some truths and jokes about bras are universal. SHARE this with your mother, daughter, sister or friend and make them laugh! =)

Home is where the bra isn’t

The wonderful feeling of coming home and take of the bra.
Image: The wonderful feeling of coming home and finally taking your bra off.

Finally, some appreciation

I can see your bra. - Good, it was expensive!
Image: I can see your bra. – Good, it was expensive!

Supportive bras

You can do it! You are awesome! - Supportive bras.
Image: You can do it! You are awesome! – Supportive bras.

The betrayal

The definition of betrayal? When your favorite bra tries to stab you in the heart.
Image: The definition of betrayal? When your favorite bra tries to stab you in the heart.

New, bigger bra sizes

Photo shoot of Eva’s Intimates’ coming bras in even bigger sizes. - Until then we are offering only A to S-cup.
Image: Photo shoot of Eva’s Intimates’ coming bras in even bigger sizes. – Until then we are offering only A to S-cup.

All these bra cup sizes…

BH, T-kupa
Image: A cup, D cup, T-cup

When there’s a bra wire in the washing machine

When your man finds this in the washing machine and thinks you are crying because it broke but you know what this is and are shedding quiet tears for a fallen hero.

The best thing after a hot summer day

The feeling of fanning under the breast after a hot summer day.
Image: The feeling of fanning under the breast after a hot summer day.

An easier life

Life would be so much easier with detachable breasts.
Image: Life would be so much easier with detachable breasts.

I’ve already taken off my bra

Sorry, I can’t join. I’ve already taken off my bra for the evening.
Image: Sorry, I can’t join. I’ve already taken off my bra for the evening.

Cute underwear makes me happy

Cute underwear? Secretly happy! Ugly underwear? Secretly sad!
Image: Cute underwear? Secretly happy! Ugly underwear? Secretly sad!

Big bust and no shoulder straps – Expectation and reality

Big bust and no shoulder straps - Expectation: Everything looks fantastic all day. - Reality: The breast moves aound all the time.
Image: Big bust and no shoulder straps – Expectation: Everything looks fantastic all day. – Reality: The breast moves around all the time.

An unexpected turn in the bedroom

I've worn the same bra for six weeks without washing it.
Image: I’ve worn the same bra for six weeks without washing it.

Going out in public without a bra for the first time

How it feels to go out without bra for the first time or in a long time.
Image: How it feels to go out in public without bra for the first time or in a long time.

When talking about bras is not embarrassing anymore

As a teenager it's embarrassing to hear that your shoulder straps are showing. As adult women, we don't care at all!
Image: As a teenager it’s embarrassing to hear that your shoulder straps are showing. As adult women, we don’t care at all!

Being flat-chested

Other women’s favorite bra: High quality, beautiful design, awesome cleavage and great support. My favorite bra: Band-aid!
Image: Other women’s favorite bra: High quality, beautiful design, awesome cleavage and great support. My favorite bra: Band-aid!

Too big to see stairs

My b**bs are so big that I can't see the steps when I walk in stairs.
Image: My b**bs are so big that I can’t see the steps when I walk in stairs.

Bras that I want

Bras that I want to wear and bras that fit me.
Image: Bras that I want to wear and bras that fit me.

And finally, let us point out that all breasts are normal, wonderful and perfect!

Perfect breasts come in all shapes and sizes.
Image: Perfect breasts come in all shapes and sizes.

                             

The Dangers of Pica: A Nurse’s Perspective

Pica was an unusual problem. A few of the patients I took care of during my thirty-year nursing career experienced it. Essentially, Pica is consumption of non-food items. Ice, clay, dirt, chalk are among common substances I have known patients to eat. Constant ice-eating can lead to anemia. I even knew of one patient who snitched a bag of clay from another patient who had dug it from a clay bank near her home. Afterward, the clay bank lady began peddling her bags of clay to other patients. The cause of Pica is poorly understood. It may arise from dietary deficiencies or cultural influences. There is no effective treatment, though patients are usually prescribed multivitamins. I did once have a patient who came in complaining of severe belly pain. During surgery, she was found to have eaten enough clay that it had hardened like a brick. She was totally obstructed and ended up with a temporary colostomy.

Knitting

What skill would you like to learn?

I bought some lovely charcoal yarn about a year ago with the intention of learning to knit. That will be my next project. Before covid, I was going to a knitting class. Th leader got us started the first day and had us cast on and do a couple of rows. It looked easy enough, then she gave us an assignment. Bring a few rows to show our progress to the next class. I set to work as soon as I got home. My brain emptied. Bud and I got on a YouTube tutorial. He whipped out a few rows. My rows were deplorable.

I took his work when I went back to class. I couldn’t do diddly. When I ‘fessed up, she asked if he could come help with class. The next class was canceled due to covid.

Nurses’s Hands

Nurse’s hands are not known for their beauty. More than likely, they are dry, being washed dozens of times a day. Frequent use of lotion can not keep these skilled hands supple and dewy. Nails are most often short, since longer nails interfere with the sensitive touch necessary to perform care. Longer nails are a detriment to gloves essential to protect both nurse, patient, and the environment.

Here you see a man’s strong hands that have cared for so many critically ill patients. Their strength gives no hint of the arthritis he endures daily as he cares for patients. His patients never know os of pain.

This is my hand with its square palm and short ringless fingers. Even though I’ve been retired for years, I find longer nails interfere with my daily tasks. My hands cared for countless patients and charted thousands of words.

This young nurse’s hands are remarkable for their youth and beauty, showing her recent manicure. Nevertheless, as I watched her at work, I was grateful to see her compliance with gloving and handwashing. She professionally and expertly administered my immunizations.

A compassionate nurse comforts an aged patient here. That may be the strongest medicine she has to offer. Many times I sang or talked to my comatose patients, not knowing whether or not I was heard. Numerous times, I’ve had a dying patient call me “Mama.” I never corrected them, thinking perhaps they were seeing Mama.

Details

What details of your life could you pay more attention to?

This is an unlikely prompt for me. At my stage in life, I do exactly as I please. It’s unlikely that I will pay more attention to any details of my life.

Funny one-liners

1. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession.

2. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”

3. My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

4. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.

5. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.

6. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

7. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

8. What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

9. Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

10. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.

11. I never knew what happiness was until I got married—and then it was too late.

12. Some men say they don’t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Well, that’s the point, isn’t it?