I’ve neglected my writing the last few days for the best of reasons. I’ve been out of town for a a family holiday. We gathered with family at one of Bud’s last remaining aunt’s home in Kansas. Family members ranged between five weeks and past ninety years in age. As you’d expect, everybody brought their finest food. As always, the macaroni and cheese and chocolate cake disappeared first. The weather was perfect, balmy and pleasant.
Aunt Beulah’s yard was perfectly groomed with plenty of shade and tempting seating spots. Everyone spent the day outdoors as we admired the baby, noted how big the children were getting, watched budding romances, and teased cousins about getting old. There were eighty-eight relatives and friends present. I don’t think I could gather a crowd like that if my life depended on it. Aunt Beulah is obviously well-loved. It was like dozens of family gatherings I’ve attended over the years. Bud’s aunt is nearing ninety with all the first cousins Bud romped with in the seventies, far past romping. They brought out all their stories of hijinks and amped them up. It was a perfect day!
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
I am not a world traveler, though I’d love to be. Banff, Canada is the farthest I’ve been from home. we spent a week there seeing the sights. It was exceedingly beautiful. I’d love to live there, in summer, though I’m sure I’d be overwhelmed by the challenges of winter. I don’t believe I’d ever get saturated with the mountains, glaciers, wildlife, or pristine waters. It’s beauty is always in the back of my mind.
Looking for a laugh? Wrap you noodle around these tasteful Chinese food jokes!
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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated: August 19th 2024
Feeling peckish? Have a slurp of these soup-er Chinese food gags! If jokes about one of the world’s greatest cuisines isn’t your cup of tea, we’ve also got pasta jokes, bread jokes, fruit jokes, and even this epic unusual food quiz!
Ooh! And don’t forget to check out our main jokes page and have a go on the Great Joke Generator!
My cookie had no slip of paper on the inside…
It was unfortunate!
What did the cook say after making a stir fry at a playground?
It was a wok in a park!
Where do you buy noodle soup in bulk?
The stock market!
My sister bet me £1000 I couldn’t build a car out of noodles
You shoud’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the block of tofu cross the road?
To prove it wasn’t chicken!
I suddenly realised tofu is overrated.
It just a curd to me!
Chinese food: £20. Delivery charge: £2
Forgetting part of the order? Riceless!
Saying no to dessert after a Chinese meal…
Will cost you a fortune!
How does Han Solo order Chinese food?
With an E-wok!
What do you call an easy lifestyle spent eating lots of Chinese food?
Lo Meintenance!
Elton John hates ordering Chinese food
Soy seems to be the hardest word!
A Chinese restaurant tried to charge me for 1000kg of food
They thought I’d ordered the one tonne soup!
Learing to cook Chinese food can be really difficult.
It takes a lot of wok!
What does the Easter Bunny order from the Chinese takeaway?
Hop Suey!
What do Italian chefs make in Chinese restaurants?
Ciao Mein!
Did you hear Kikkoman moved their factory to China?
They outsauced it!
What did the orange say on holiday?
Do you speak Mandarin?
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea?
Oolong time!
Did you hear about the man who burned down the dumpling factory?
Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.
I interviewed my mother, the oldest person I know.
What is it like to be 96?
It’s just like being 18 or 24. I am always surprised to see I am old when I pass a mirror. I feel the same I always did.
Are you in pain?
Not a bit. I have arthritis. See these bumps on my fingers and toes. I used to have a lot of pain but I’ve been using a simple remedy for years. I don’t remember where I heard it, now. I mix one teaspoon of cinnamon and 2 tablespoons of honey in a cup of sugar-free hot cocoa first thing every morning. That controls my pain. I tell people all the time but very few people try it. It works for me. I am 96 with arthritis and no pain.
You’ve been widowed more than forty years. Are you lonesome?
No. After that long, I think I’d have to work hard to be sad. He’s been out of my life so long, I’ve been widowed longer than I was married. I still remember the good times and bad but it’s not painful.
What changes have you seen in your life?
I was born at a time when nobody in my family had a car. We walked or road in a wagon. I lived in the country, so we had no electricity, gas, running water, or indoor bathroom. It was The Great Depression. Daddy didn’t have a job. He farmed. The whole family helped. One of the first things I remember my parents saying was, “We don’t have the money,” no matter what the subject was. My dad did any odd job he could get, plowing a field, helping dig a well, or cutting hair. Mama sewed for the public and paid the rent by doing the landlady’s wash. It took all day to wash and the next to iron. Us kids helped.
Our dresses were often made of printed feedsacks. It took three to make a dress and one to make a shirt. I never had a storebought dress till I was grown. I only ever knew of my parents buying two things new, both hefore I was born. Daddy sold Singer Sewing Machines for a while and had managed to buy Mama one. They’d also managed to buy a pressure canner. Both these items were precious since Mam sewed everything she and the girls wore and made a bit of cash sewing for the the public. She and Daddy were good farmers. Mama canned enough vegetables to feed us all year. We never went hungry or ragged. Learning how to make with bare necessities has made everything since then better.
I never imagined I’d see men walk on the moon and stay in space for months. Things have changed a lot but people really haven’t.
I am making this bag now for a friend. I learned how from the lovely Jada from her tutorial on Jada in stitches. Please check out her channel if you enjoy crochet with a twist. I don’t throw leftover yarn out, so I never have to run out and purchase for an impromptu idea or project. Be bold in your color choices. If you aren’t pleased, rip it out and try something else. I am an experienced crocheter and I believe I will finish this in about six hours. I love a project I can do quickly.
I tried to get a shipment of fire hydrants from the factory that makes ‘em, but I wasn’t allowed to stop anywhere near the place!
[Updated 12/29/19].
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18-wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, “I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?”
To which the trucker replied, “Sorry, can’t talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10-ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times.”
A genie comes out and says, “Thank you for releasing me, master. I will grant you one wish.”
The trucker thinks for a moment and says, “I would like my own personal, private, toll-free road from New York to California.”
The genie shakes his head and says, “There are far too many federal, state, and local regulations involved, that would be too difficult. Is there anything else you’d rather have?”
The trucker thinks for another minute and says “I wish my wife would stop nagging me.” The genie replies, “All right, how many lanes do you want for that road?”
On the last day of truck driving school Charlie is taking his test, and the examiner is asking him all kinds of questions.
The examiner asks “What would you do if your headlights went out?” and Charlie says “I’d have old Joe, my co-driver, shine a flashlight out the window so we could keep going.”
The examiner says “OK, but you shouldn’t rely on your partner to help you with problems. What if you’re backing up and the trailer starts to jack-knife, what would you do?” and Charlie says “Well, I’d have old Joe, my co-driver, hop out and help direct me.”
The examiner says “I guess that would help but you shouldn’t rely on your co-driver all the time.”
For his last question the examiner decides he’s going to give a question that no co-driver in the world can help with!
“Okay, now what do you do if you’re on a steep downhill grade, the road is really icy, your brakes are locked up, and at the bottom of the hill is a narrow bridge with a hazardous materials truck coming the other way at you?”
Charlie thinks a minute, and he says “Well, I’d reach over and shake old Joe awake because he ain’t never seen a wreck like we’re about to have!”
Right now, I feel good. I was wide awake at one thirty, so I got up to write. I love it when writing kicks me out of bed! For so many years my soul was yearning to write but I was caught up in what had to be done. I was married with two children. Bud and I worked alternate shifts to care for them. I suppose I did write a lot out of necessity, now that I think of it. We both wrote a lot of notes.
“Make sure Kate doesn’t get off without her $12 dollars and permission form for the field trip. It’s in an envelope in her backpack. She has to wear that red Tshirt and white pants I left on her dresser. Don’t let John get off without a belt. He got a warning note yesterday. Matt Ford’s mother is going to drop him off for a ride to bus stop if it’s raining. Remind kids to get lunch money out of cup in kitchen window. I left a roast in crockpot for dinner. Please make sure it’s heating up before you lie down. Please have kids fold towels in dryer. Love you.”
I’d find a note from Bud when I got in. He would have just lain down for a late nap after the kids got in from school.
“John has to turn in his book report tomorrow! Don’t let him go out doors till he finishes it. He will get an F! I washed a load of jeans. They’re still in dryer. I forgot to call you, we need bread, milk, apples, and Kate needs posterboard. Can you run to Walmart? Sorry. She didn’t tell me till I was getting ready to lie down. Love you.”
Now the kids are long grown, we are both retired so I write what and when I want. Everything in its time.
Crocheted sweaterCrocheted basket full of crocheted afghansCrocheted socksPink sweater I made my granddaughter. She loved it!You can see my dog loves this bright, striped afghan.I have made many of these crocheted baskets for gifts.
You can crochet anything you can knit. You don’t have to content yourself with afghans.
What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
I am fortunate to be at that time in my life when most of my time is my own. I get my housekeeping out of the way early so I do what I want the rest of the day. I putter with my plants, garden when it’s not too hot, crochet, cook, write, read, or visit my ninety-six year old Mother. We are homebodies but occasionally, Bud and I go out to breakfast or lunch with friends. I think it’s timing rather than habit that improved my quality of life.
Nutsrok 