Slipped Away!

This story seems to be too complicated to be true, but it is. It looked like my mother had to tried to set my dad up but she was never organized enough for this. Daddy had worked graveyard shift, so was settling in for his day sleep. The last thing Daddy told her before lying down was that he was expecting a “man to come see him about a dog.” Knowing Mother had business to attend to that day, he was expecting the man to honk his horn to wake him.
Expecting Daddy to sleep a while, Mother took the opportunity to finish waxing the hall before leaving. Sure it would be dry before Daddy had to get up.

Her waxing done, Mother headed out the door. When she got to the end of the two-hundred-yard long driveway, Mother’s path was blocked by a complacent cow. Frustrated, Mother edged closer to cud-chewing old Bessie, who regarded Mother sagely. Bessie was unconcerned. Not to be bested by a cow, Mother laid down on the horn till Bessie got out of the way.

Meanwhile, back at the house Daddy lay lightly snoozing, mindful that he was listening for the horn-blowing signal of his friend. Hearing Mother’s distant horn blast, he jumped out of bed, struggled into his pants and launched down the recently waxed hall. It was slick as a gut. Head over heels, he slid the length of that hall on his butt, only to get to the window just in time to see Mother’s car disappearing in the distance. Muttering angrily, he headed back to bed.

Later that day, Mother arrived home just before Daddy’s visitor. Seating the man, she put the coffee on before going to rouse Daddy. Headed down the hall to wake him, she was surprised to see the wide unwaxed stretch right down the middle of the hall. The timing probably saved her life. When Daddy launched into the story of of the trap Mother had set and his perilous slide down the hall, his buddy laughed so hard at him, they all had a big laugh.

That’s probably the only thing that saved Mother’s life.

Motivation

What motivates you?

My early training still motivates me. Mother started us on chores early on. Long before I started school, Mother assigned me simple chores. Initially, I enjoyed it but my interest soon flagged. That didn’t matter. Mother would set a pile of washcloths before me and made it clear, their folding was my responsibility. I’d have to call for her approval before being released to play. Had I done a sloppy job, I’d be back to work. After enough times, it occurred to me I might as well get it right and be done. It would have been much easier for her to have done it herself but she stayed on point. Daddy reinforced Mother’s training.

Of course, as time went on and I faced other challenges, I had the benefit of my parent’s diligent training. I did well in school, got married, had children, became a nurse, and was prepared to face challenges daily. I wanted to be a good wife, mother, worker, boss, and friend. A well-ordered life was second nature. I am grateful for that motivation.

Homeowner Jokes

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today’s young families is to get one.

If you think no one cares you’re alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won’t pay.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

This country is great. It’s the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you’re looking at something you should be doing.

My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he’d still be there today if the Governor hadn’t pardoned him.

The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.

How much are they asking for your rent now? Oh, about twice a day.

I have a temporary mortgage. What do you mean temporary? Until they foreclose.

Realtor sign–We have “lots” to be thankful for.

Realtor: first you folks tell me what you can afford, then we’ll have a good laugh and go on from there.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today’s young families is to get one.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It’s called a mortgage.

If you think no one cares you’re alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won’t pay.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn’t been any maintenance.

Did you hear about Robin Hood’s house? It has a little John.

My agent was always smiling. I didn’t think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don’t have enough closet space. Sure they do. They’re just called guest bedrooms.

Trivia: The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders used to paint picture stories on
the sides of their houses. Each floor had a different story.

A lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators.–Frank Lloyd Wright

I bought a two story house. One story before I bought, and another after.

The house is only 5 minutes from shopping . . .if you’ve got an airplane.

This country is great. It’s the only place where you can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and 2nd
mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

Home is where the mortgage is.

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The house was more covered with mortgages than with paint.

Home: A place when you go there they have to take you in.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

A man’s home is his castle. That’s how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

Housebroke–What you are after buying a house.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you’re looking at something you should be doing.

They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.

My buyers want a new home on the outskirts—of their income, that is.

A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither
believes it.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn’t.

A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything
except make the payments.

The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payment.

A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.

House problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren’t.

Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn payments.

Homesickness What you feel every month when the mortgage is due.

All Smiles

Mother recently moved The Bloom in Bossier City, Louisiana, in an independent living apartment. She struggled at leaving her home of more than forty years but is now ecstatic about her new life. She’s made so many new friends and gotten her walking habit back. She’s enjoying attending church again since she hasn’t attended regularly since she stopped driving. Her new apartment is centrally located between her children, so almost every day one or two drop by. We can enjoy a meal with her any time for a minimal price. I haven’t seen her without her beautiful smile since she moved in. We are all so happy she’s happy at her lovely new home!

Overcoming Educational Insecurities: My Journey from Rural High School to College

Having attended a tiny rural high school, fearing I could never compete with those from large urban high schools, I was sensitive about my educational shortcomings. Expecting to be labeled a bumpkin and hustled back to the farm “with my own kind,” in my mind, I had gotten to college with little to recommend me but a good vocabulary, a love of literature, and motivation.  Not only this, my knowledge of profanity and vile language was unimaginative, another embarrassment when I met sophisticates who drank beer, smoked, ordered pizza, and cursed with abandon.  Drinking and smoking had never appealed to me.  I liked pizza but had absolutely no pocket money, so easily avoided that temptation.  Had I been inspired to curse a blue streak, it would have been an extremely short and awkward one, with my lack of knowledge and complete inexperience with profanity.

Back in the good days, before cell phones and caller identification put an end to it, the fascinating practice of obscene phone calls was available to perverts, whereby a caller dialed his “victim,” likely at random, and launched into a raunchy, heavy-breathing monologue, usually complete with a description of how he might be entertaining himself at the moment. The object, of course, was for the answering party to respond in some appropriately shocked manner, gratifying and rewarding the caller.

Well, one night about midnight, I got my call. He wasn’t much of conversationalist and got right down to business.  Unfortunately for my disappointed caller, his terminology was beyond me.

“Huh?” I asked.

Clearly frustrated, he repeated his message. It didn’t help a bit.

“Huh?” By now I realized I had been tested and come up short, just as I had feared from the day I first stepped foot on campus.  I was devastated.

I think my caller also knew the bitter taste of failure. “You don’t even know what that means do you?”

“No.” Without thinking, I acknowledged the humiliating truth.

“Oh, Hell!” He slammed the phone down in my ear.  We had both been tested and found lacking.

Favorite Movie

What are your top ten favorite movies?

I can’t even think of one. I am not a movie watcher. I have terminal ADD.

10 Ways to……..

I am a sucker for those stories that start out 10 ways to do something amazing, but never find anything that works for me. I am frugal by nature, very much aware of how hard I worked for every dollar.

  1. Start making coffee at home to save on Starbucks. I live miles from nearest coffee shop. Even if there was one at the end of my driveway, there’s no way I’m going to blow $2.75 to 3.50 on a cup of regular coffee when I can make a whole pot for less. I’ve probably already saved over a million dollars.
  2. Pay off your high interest credit cards. Boy, I would have never thought to do that. I thought it would be best to get the highest rate cards I could and max them all out. Maybe I could share them out among my friends and neighbors.
  3. Cut back on eating out and carry out food, another bit of useless advice. Why would anyone cook better, more nutritious at home when you could bankrupt yourself eating out, especially on credit cards?
  4. Avoid designer clothes, accessories, and handbags. I figured this one on my own. I’ve never been tempted to blow a month’s rent on a purse or bracelet. I don’t even know what statement jewelry is.
  5. I can’t get my list up to ten. I need to stop and take all this money I’ve saved to the bank, anyway.

Text from my son

Got this text from my son today

“Look what Carissa got me. She was worried I was not snacking appropriately. It’s a snack train!”

Thinking

What do you enjoy most about writing?

The best part of writing is looking at myself objectively. When writing, I am outside looking in. Not just privy to my thoughts, I can surmise what others bring to the table. Viewing myself from another perspective has often given me clarity. It’s not all about me.