humor

Corny Shoe and Sock Jokes

  • Why did the cobbler go to therapy? Because he had too many sole searching moments.
  • Why did the cobbler become an actor? He wanted to put his sole into every performance.

The Soothing Humor of Socks

Socks may often be the forgotten garment, but they have their own style of humor.

  • What did the hat say to the sock? I’ll go on ahead, you go on foot.
  •  My friend kept going on about what they should do with their new dresser. I told them to put a sock in it.
  •  I bumped into a friend and he asked, “Why are you wearing one red and one black sock? I said, “I don’t know, but I have another pair like this at home.”
  •  What did one sock say to the other in the dryer? I’ll see you next time around.

Lacing Up Some Shoe Jokes

The right pair of shoes can make for some brilliant humor.

  • What shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  • What kind of shoes do plumbers love. Clogs
  • What kind of jokes do shoes tell? Knot Knot jokes.
  • How do you know when it’s time to buy new shoes? When you stand on a penny and can tell if it’s heads or tails.

The High Heel of Humor

High fashion gives way to high humor with these puns and one-liners about heels.

  • What kind of shoes does someone wear when they are dissecting a frog? Open-toad.
  • What do you tell a dog in pumps? Heel.

 

The Flip-Flop of Funnies

Even the beachiest shoes have plenty of jokes in their soles.

  • What is a flip-flops favorite movie? Sixteen Sandles.

 

Embracing the Boot-iful World of Boot Jokes

Boots might be built for walking, but these jokes will have you running with laughter.

  • “How do you warm your feet with a group of boots? You give them a toe-ster!”
  • “Where do shoes go during summer vacation? Boot camp!” 

The Sneaky World of Sneaker Jokes

Sneakers aren’t just for the gym – they’re also for the funny bone.

  • What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeekers.
  • What do you call a sneaker that can sing? A “sole” singer!  

Blonde Jokes

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

“I need to take that walkman off your head,” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.

“You can’t! I’ll die!” retorts the blonde.

“I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!” says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

“I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die!”

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”

Why do blondes wear pony tails? To hide the air valve.

A blonde called up her boyfriend one day with a problem. She was trying to put together jigsaw puzzle. 

She said, ” It’s a picture of a big rooster, and I can’t get any of the pieces together. None of the edge pieces will fit, Would you please come over and help”

When the boy friend arrived, he took one look at the table and said, “Honey, put the cornflakes back in the box”

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? RUN, she has a grenade in her mouth.

What did the blonde say the first time she saw a YMCA? Look, they spelled Macy’s wrong.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

Goals

How do you plan your goals?

I prioritize my goals into needs and wants. I need to take care of my mother, my house, my dogs, and write. Those things come first.

I want to enjoy the outdoors, take trips, camp, crochet, spend time with family and friends, and do some things just for my spirit. Those things are necessary for a good life, but come after needs are met.

Joke of the Day

image50 Terrible, Short Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

14. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

17. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

Read this: 50 Terrible Children’s Jokes Guaranteed To Crack You Up

23. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

24. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

25. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

26. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

27. What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

28. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

29. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

30. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

31. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

32. Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

33. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

34. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

36. Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

37. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

38. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

39. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

40. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

41. PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

42. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

44. Learn sign language, it’s very handy.

45. I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

46. You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

47. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

48. Dry erase boards are remarkable.

49. Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

50. How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it. TC mark

 

 

Emergency!

Create an emergency preparedness plan.

We’ve had a plan for a long time. We keep a clear path out of the house. Keeping up with the dogs is no problem. They’re always right with us. We have smoke alerts and carbon monoxide sensors. We have a generator, gasoline, medicines, and phones at hand. We have water, non-perishable food, and a camp stove. It’s not unusual for us to lose power, so we’ve had practice. We have a gas log in our fireplace, so that’s saved us when we had a six day outage during a power storm. Living in tornado alley, we have a safe area. We have batteries and a radio at hand. In bad weather, I cook before the weather hits.

Featuring My Blogging Friend

https://amehrling.com/2024/08/04/more-of-lises-vacation-days/

I’ve met so many fascinating friends through blogging. We’ve gotten to know each other and share many laughs and experiences. I suspect you’d enjoy know them and their blogs. I’d like to introduce you to these lovely people. I recommend you check Anne’s blog

http://amehrling.com/

I look forward to her posts, anxious to hear about her walks, her visits with family and friends, and especially about her Boggle games with Logan, her charming neighbor boy.

Please check Anne out. She’s a delight!

Anne and her daughter

Adorable Playtime: Kids Doctor and Fashion Show Fun

One fine weekend I went to visit my sister Marilyn, in North Arkansas. She had two darling little girls. Before leaving work, I gathered up some out-of-date medical supplies, knowing the girls would love playing with the gowns, masks, dressings and tape. Along with these, I tucked in a stuffed animal and cute little outfit for each. My sister videoed the girls as they enthusiastically tore into their goodies, went to work on doctoring their stuffies and gave an impromptu fashion show. We all in enjoyed their shenanigans.

All was well and good. What could go wrong with that cute video? Plenty. Sometime later, Marilyn sent that video, along with other kiddy videos, home with my other sister Connie for her little girl to enjoy. Hayley got up whiny one morning. Thinking she’d distract her, Connie popped in a video to occupy her. Immediately, Connie heard heart-breaking wails. Hayley was inundated by the evidence of her cousins getting a plethora of wonderful goodies from HER aunt!

Mrs. Johnson Copes

During my dialysis nurse days, I became very fond of Mrs. Johnson, an elderly lady who was a frequent admit to the hospital. She remained matter-of-fact, even when very sick. I expect Mrs. Johnson had had occasion to learn complaints availed her nothing.

Her father had married her off to Mr. Johnson, a man in his thirties, when she was only thirteen. Over the years she gave birth to twenty-one children. “It wasn’t so bad,” she explained. “I was only pregnant nineteen times. I had two sets of twins.”

“Mr. Johnson beat me all the time.” She said.”I was so glad when he had a stroke an’ I could beat him. I beat him ever’day after that.” .

I surmised Mrs. Johnson suffered in relationships with her children as she was careful to bring her purse with her to dialysis. “I don’t nobody gitten’ my money. I got a bunch of wuthless kids.” She also used that enormous black purse to hide away her snuff. For those of you who don’t know, snuff is smokeless tobacco to be tucked in the cheek, then spat into a cup, not swallowed. It’s a nasty habit I made a point to ignore, inferring Mrs. Johnson’s life had held too little pleasure.

Though I made a point not to acknowledge the bulge in Mrs. Johnson’s cheek nor her spitting, I made sure I knew I always had a pocket full of gloves and knew where that spit cup was at all times.

Crude Word

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

Hearing the F….. word bandied about freely grates on my sensibilities. I can’t think of a single time I’ve found it necessary to communicate. I was appalled to hear it at a Sunday dinner recently where the elderly and small children were at the table. The speaker, a professional woman had just come from church. She was well-groomed and impressive until she opened her mouth. People, if you must say F….., at least consider your company. You are exposing yourself.