memoir

Evening chuckle

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

Alcohol jokes
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!” The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!” The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said…

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Joke of the Day

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

cats_loving_the_blinds_thLittle Johnny jokes
Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!” “Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do those kind of things to women.” Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!” “But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had…

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Charley’s Tale Part 14

The next few days blurred as Charles and Cora tended Charley.  With a concussion, broken ribs, and a reopened surgical wound, he was bedbound.  Not surprisingly, pneumonia soon followed.  He was laid low for weeks refusing to tell what befallen him.  When Charles heard rumblings that Melvin was boasting of the beating,  he paid Melvin a visit at the filling station where he lounged with his beer-drinking buddies in an empty bay.

“If you ever come near Charley, again, I’ll see you regret it!” Charles told Melvin.

“What do you think you’re gonna do?  I’m twice the man you are! ” Melvin blustered, “I can take you and your little girly-man that he/she ever comes around Marzell again.

Infuriated, Charles swung.  Melvin found himself on the ground with a missing front tooth and bloody nose. Charles was lean, but muscular, a fact Melvin hadn’t considered.

“This ain’t over!” Melvin hurled at his back.

”You know where to find me, any time.  Beating up an inexperienced eighteen-year-old kid is nothing to brag about.” Charles was done.

Long after midnight, Marzell’s brought roused Cora from her bed.  “ I have to see Charley!”  Cora was surprised to see her in a scarf and raincoat since it was a moonlit night.

“Miss Marzell, you know yore daddy ain’t gonna like this none. You don’t want to bring no more trouble on Charley.  And why are you wrapped up so?  We ain’t looking for rain.”  Marzell winced as Cora took her scarf and coat.  “Let me see yore face.” Cora said.  “Oh, you pore thing! That devil beat you, too.  Ain’t nothing too low for him, beatin’ on a little ol’ gal.

”It don’t matter now.  I’m marrying Roger.  He’s waiting in the car.  I just can’t leave without telling Charley.  It wouldn’t be right.” Marzell told Cora.

”No, Child.  You can’t marry that boy.  You don’t even like him.  Just wait till Dr. Charles gets back.  He’s out on a call, but he’ll help you figure something when he gets in.  Cora’s heart ached for the battered child, knowing how she’d come by her injuries.

”Cora. I need a husband.  I’m going.  I have to get away from Melvin.  He’s always after me.  My mama caught him tryin’ to mess with me and says it’s my fault. Roger wants to marry me.   I’ve got nowhere else to go. It’s the only way.”

”You are in a bad spot.  Go on up and see Charley.  He needs to know you are a good friend.”  She sat nursing her coffee waiting for the girl to come down.  In a few minutes, Roger was at the door asking for Marzell.

“Can you come in, Roger.  I’ll tell Marzell you’re here.”  She greeted him.

”Thanks, Cora.  We got a lot of miles to cover.  Just so you know, we’re gonna wake up the preacher, then head on to Spearsville, but I’d  thank you not to noise it around. We need a few days before Marzell can call her Mama.” Roger confided.

”What you gonna do?” Cora asked kindly.  “You got a job lined up?”

”Maybe.   Mama’s brother is foreman at the tire plant and he’s gonna try to git me on.  We can stay with my mama  till we git a place.   She run her ol’ man off so we can stay a while.  We’ll be alright.  If that don’t work out.  I’ll find something else.  I’m used to workin’ hard.”

“Take good care of Marzell, Roger.  She’s had a rough time.”

”I know, Cora.  We both have.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best Cat Cartoons and Jokes of the Day

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

can opener1can opener2can opener 3can opener 5can opener 4Funny quotes about cat owners

  • “You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.”- George Mikes
  • “There are few things in life more heart warming than to be welcomed by a cat.” – Tay Hohoff
  • “The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you.”- Pam Brown
  • As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. – Ellen Perry Berkeley
  • “My husband said it was him or the cat…I miss him sometimes.” – Unknown

Read more: http://therealowner.com/humor/funny-quotes-about-cats-and-cat-owners/#ixzz3sSJa4CMV

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Charley’s Tale Part 13

I started this serial months ago and finally got back to it.

It starts with Charley’s birth.  https://atomic-temporary-73629786.wpcomstaging.com/2017/04/11/charleys-tale/

It continues with Charley’s coming of age.  https://atomic-temporary-73629786.wpcomstaging.com/2017/06/03/crazy-charlsie/

 

Charley had never been invited to Marzell’s home or called her on the phone, so he went by to let her know he was going to spend the summer at the farm.  Stepfather Melvin met him at the door.  “What do you want?  You ain’t lost nothin’ here.”

“I just wanted to let Marzell know I’m going to my farm for the summer.”

“Oh, so you’re the morphodite that little tramp’s been running around with.  She ain’t having nothing else to do with you.  Get lost!” As the hateful man turned to slam the door, he shoved Marzell roughly to the floor.

Enraged, but mindless of his recent surgery, Charley tried to shove his way in to Marzell, Melvin burst out, pummeling him with his beefy fists.  A few well-placed blows reduced Charles to a crumpled heap on the porch.  “I’ll kill you if I ever see you close to her again, you freaky dyke!”  With a final kick to the ribs, Charles landed on the bottom step.

It took Charles several humiliating minutes to work his way to his feet as the pain in his left side held him in its twisted grip.  With one eye swollen shut and front teeth loose, his battered nose dripped blood down his shirt.  Charles’s first challenge to his manhood had left him suffering the second and most cruel emasculation of his young life.

As he struggled homeward, the sordid scene played over and over in his head. His surgical wound had eviscerated, leaking blood and serum.  He barely made it to his front porch before collapsing.  Thankfully, the dog’s barking alerted his father.

Joke of the Day

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

Heaven’s Entrance Exam

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the
Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points
to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I
give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good
it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”

“Okay,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years
and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”

“That’s wonderful,” says St. Peter, “that’s worth three points!”

“Three points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and supported
its ministry with my tithe and service.”

“Terrific!” says St. Peter. “That’s certainly worth a point.”

“One point?!!” “I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter
for homeless veterans.”

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Smorgasbord Review 2017 – – Humour – Under the Influence! With a few cats thrown in…

Too funny not to Reblog.

Bucket List for a Spring Chicken Part 3

When I left you,  Ollie had just found out we were arriving a day earlier than she thought.  “Yikes!   I was going to clean house tomorrow.” She exclaimed.

I reassured her.  “Go ahead, but I’m not helping.  I’m on vacation.” None of us cleaned house.  Instead, we drank coffee and told wild stories till time to go out to lunch every day, then shopped a little in the afternoons.   I haven’t shopped since I retired, so I really enjoyed it.  I even bought red pajamas.  Next time I take a trip, my host can sing  “She’ll Be Wearing Red Pajamas When She comes.”

We visited my uncle’s grave in the National Cemetery at Elgin, Oklahoma,  a very reverent and fitting place for our service members and their spouses. (Pictured above.  Shirley Martin and  Ollie Johnson)

Regrettably, we had to leave after a short three days.   I would have loved to stay a month, but Ollie got lucky.  We had to get home for Christmas.   I love travelling with women.   dawdling over lunch and drinking all the tea I want.  No  one complains about stopping for the bathroom or worries about “making good  time.”  You can even stop at fruit stands or resale shops.

The last thing Mother said as she got off the train was, “Now I want to ride the train to San Antonio to see Ann.”  So much for clearing her bucket list!  I guess that’s how she made it to eighty-nine!

Homeward Bound.

Bucket List for a Spring Chicken Part 2

This battered beauty makes  every mile with Mother.  I will never forgive my daughter-in-law, Carissa, for gifting Mother with it when Mother complained  her old one had worn out.  I’d been looking forward to its demise for a while.   Except for that betrayal,  Carissa is a perfect DIL.  Please note the frayed seams and the deluxe cat collar fortifying its temperamental zipper.  Though lots of folks think it’s a fanny pack, Mother wears it prominently displayed in front where no one will catch her by surprise.

While we’re on the subject of money, when Mother told my brother she couldn’t afford her ticket, he put one hundred dollars in her account.  One concerned sister gave her two hundred, enough for the trip and spending money.  Lest you think that money went on her trip, it disappeared deep into the bowels of her savings account.  Financially, that trip worked out really well for her.

The three of us caught the train in Marshall, Texas, unaware the price of the shuttle from the Shreveport Airport seven miles from home was included in the ticket.  You can be sure we caught the shuttle on the way home, sparing Bud the return drive for pickup. Mother was as excited as a kid at Christmas as we boarded Amtrak.  We found seats on the second floor of the coach.  They were spacious and comfortable, a delight after air travel.  Mother made fast friends with the conductor.  We spent a great portion of our ride in the lounge car.  I highly recommend it.

During our four-hour layover in Fort Worth, we had time for a leisurely lunch downtown When the eager waiter whisked her leftover chicken salad back to the kitchen without asking if she was done, he had to come up with a replacement for take out. Mother always gets at least two meals out of a restaurant meal, especially after she gleans the leftovers off her dining partner’s plates. Back at the waiting room in the depot, Shirley and I made a quick trip to the bathroom, leaving Mother alone for just a few minutes.  We should have known better.  On our return, Mother was deep in conversation with an elderly gentleman who’d moved to the seat next to her.  I warned him she’d already buried seven husbands and he ran like a rabbit.  I told Mother a long time ago I didn’t want any more mean brothers and sisters, but still have to remind her occasionally. I guess that poor man didn’t want a mean daughter, either. I didn’t get a chance to tell him I was kidding.

An hour or so before we got to Oklahoma City, our host called to see if we were still coming the next day.  “No, we’ll be there in an hour.” Fortunately, she picked us up anyway.

More to come……