memoir

Evening Chuckle

A preacher buys a lawnmower from a neighbor of his, but he can’t get it to run. He goes to his neighbor and says, “Why can’t I get the lawnmower to work?”
The neighbor says, “Oh, to get it to work, you have to curse it.”

The priest says, “But, I haven’t cursed in over thirty years!”

The neighbor says, “In that case, just keep trying to start it. It’ll all come back to you!”

The pope flies to California to make a speech. He’s picked up in a limo and is being driven down the highway, when he thinks how nice it would be to do some driving himself. He rolls down the window and taps the driver on the shoulder, and asks if he can take the wheel. The driver can’t exactly say no, so he pulls over and climbs in the back and lets the Pope take the wheel.
The Pope grabs the driver’s cap and sticks it on his head, then floors the accelerator and shoots down the highway, weaving back and forth between cars at around 100 MPH.

A policeman sees the limo and gives chase, finally pulling it over. The policeman struts up to the car, then leans in to ask for his license, then sees the pope sitting there behind the wheel.

“Excuse me a minute,” he says, and goes back to his cruiser. He gets on the radio with headquarters and says, “Hey, Charlie, I’m not sure what to do here. I just pulled someone over, and it turns out it’s someone REALLY important.”

Charlie at HQ says, “You mean, like, a singer?”

The cop says, “No, bigger than that.”

Charlie says, “An actor?”

The cop says, “Nope, bigger than that, too.”

Charlie says, “You mean a politician?”

The cop says, “Nope, bigger still.”

Charlie says, “Well, who is it?”

The cop says, “Actually, I’m not sure. All I know is that he’s got the Pope driving for him.”

Afternoon Funny

10 Heinous (and Hilarious) Reasons People Were Fired

Posted by on October 6, 2015 in , | 6
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Most folks who get fired do so for mundane reasons—theft, tardiness, or just plain not doing their jobs well. The employees in the list below do not fall into that category. Rather, their hilariously ill-advised or awful actions on the job left no doubt that these employees had been fired for reasons well outside of the norm.

10. Cheering Under the Influence

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While Stanford University has had no official mascot since dropping the Indian in 1972, “The Tree,” which represents El Palo Alto, the Redwood tree that serves as Palo Alto’s logo, has been personified by a member of Stanford’ marching band as an unofficial school mascot. The Tree appears at Stanford sporting events and schoolwide gatherings, engaging and entertaining the crowd. The selection process for “The Tree” is a surprisingly extensive annual event known as Tree Week, during which student members of the marching band seeking to become The Tree (known as “Saplings”) vie to outdo each other in various competitions and stunts.

However, 2006’s Tree, Erin Lashnits, was axed from her job after being caught drinking from an apparently poorly-concealed flask nestled inside her costume during a Stanford-Cal basketball game. The band, whose spokesman noted that, “the tree’s movement is usually consistent with that of someone who’s had something to drink,” nonetheless relieved Lashnits of duty in light of her blood alcohol level of .15, which violated a three year alcohol ban school administrators had imposed on band activities after a 2003 incident.

9. Biting a Dunkin’ Donuts worker

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While use of force by the police is a topic fraught with controversy, with complaints from suspects and the public reporting excessive force generally requiring a lengthy evaluation process, one officer’s excessive brutality in dealing with a member of the public quickly earned him a pink slip.

Renzo, a 4-year old Belgian Malinois and police K9 officer with the Coconut Creek, Florida police department, was removed from the force after biting a Dunkin’ Donuts employee in the calf in February, 2015. During the incident, Renzo escaped his handler’s grasp and jumped out of a police car. The doughnut shop worker heard the handler’s shouts and was able to get most of the way into his own vehicle, but Renzo was able to bite him four times on the leg before being pried off by his handler.

This wasn’t Renzo’s first biting-related offense; he had also bitten a human police officer while tracking a home invasion suspect in November of 2014. Apparently for the police department, though, the attack on the Dunkin’ Donuts worker was the last straw. Make your own jokes about police and donuts. Renzo was stripped of his badge, retired from the force and now lives a civilian life with his handler.

8. Singing a Bob Marley Song, Fighting Demons

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52-year old Brooklyn resident Nicole Phillips found out the hard way that her rendition of Bob Marley’s “I Shot the Sheriff,” was not appreciated by her supervisor at a call center for New York City’s Financial Information Services Agency. The agency noted Phillips’ “threatening manner” toward the deputy director and cited her “loudly singing lyrics to herself about ‘shooting the deputy,’” as part of the reason they believed that she posed a threat to coworkers, leading to her dismissal. The agency also noted that Phillips had scattered salt around her desk to “keep the demons” down.

Phillips, who sued for back pay and the reinstatement of her $73,248-per-year, maintains that she did nothing to warrant firing, saying the salting of her desk area was misunderstood and that she’s a Bob Marley fan, not a danger to her colleagues. She also pointed out that the song’s lyrics are, “I did not shoot the deputy.”

7. Using the Office Copier…to Make Counterfeit Currency

There were a lot of problems with middle school janitor Terry Chapman’s failed currency fraud scheme. For starters, the amateurish counterfeit currency he produced was made by gluing together color copies of each side of a bill. Chapman then allowed his car to be repossessed, with several fake bills inside, which were promptly turned over to local authorities. Sealing his fate, Chapman then accused a local business owner of paying him with his own phony currency. The concerned business owner contacted the police, who were able to match the serial numbers on the phony bill to the ones found in Chapman’s repossessed car.

Chapman, who was arrested on charges of criminal simulation and confessed to his actions, also made one more mistake: he used his employer’s copier to make his funny money. Chapman, who had worked at Lafollette Middle School as a janitor for four years prior to his arrest, reported that he used the school copier to make his extra cash. Chapman was promptly fired by the Campbell County school district after his admission, suggesting that neither “school janitor” nor “criminal mastermind” are careers that are in his future.

6. Getting That Twix at Any Cost

It’s easy to understand warehouse worker Robert McKevitt’s frustration. During a break halfway through his shift, McKevitt decided he wanted some candy and put a dollar in the vending machine to get a Twix. Unfortunately for McKevitt, the Twix got caught on the machine’s spirals and refused to descend, even after McKevitt put in a second dollar. McKevitt banged the side of the machine and tried to rock it to get the candy he had paid for (twice), but to no avail. It’s what McKevitt did next that separates him from a lot of other frustrated would-be snackers and got him fired.

In a move that feels like it came straight out of the George Costanza playbook, rather than kicking the vending machine and walking away, McKevitt allegedly got an 8,000 pound forklift and drove up to the vending machine, lifting it off the floor and dropping it at least six times, eventually freeing three candy bars from the machine. McKevitt’s supervisor refused to accept his explanation that he was just trying to get the candy he had paid for (McKevitt claims that he didn’t drop the vending machine but was merely moving it back against the wall since he had jostled it while freeing his candy), and McKevitt was fired days after the Twix incident and denied unemployment benefits. McKevitt apparently takes some comfort that his Twix-induced rage has had some lasting impact, noting, “They fired me, and now I hear they have all new vending machines there.”

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5. Stomping on the American flag

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Illinois high school English teacher Jordan Parmenter inadvertently taught himself a lesson while trying to make a point to his students about free speech. The then-26-year old teacher initially used the small American flag in the classroom as pointer while trying to draw students’ attention to a chart. After a student called him out for being disrespectful, Parmenter then dropped the flag on the ground and stepped on it, apparently to demonstrate free speech to his 11th grade students.

Parmenter seemed to realize his lesson had offended more than educated and apologized to the class and, subsequently, to the school board in a letter. Parmenter’s written apology read, in part, “I made a spur of the moment decision which I know was a terrible error in judgment. I believe that ideas such as the nature of symbolism and freedom of expression are valuable topics to discuss in the classroom and that surprise can be a useful tool to use when engaging students, however in this instance I chose a very poor way of addressing this subject.” Unfortunately for Mr. Parmenter, he learned that stepping on the flag as a means of instruction was a bad idea too late to save his job. After being placed on leave, he was fired by the Martinsville school board in a 6-0 decision.

4. Stuffing Students in the Trunk for a Snack Run

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Heather Cagle, a 10-year veteran teacher in Oklahoma’s Catoosa County public school district wanted to do “something sweet” for her middle school yearbook students. Unfortunately for Cagle, she expressed this nice impulse by piling 11 students into her Honda Accord for a snack run. During the clown car-style journey to Walmart, which was approximately a mile from the school, two students split the front seat, seven formed a “something sweet” for her middle school yearbook students. Unfortunately for Cagle, she expressed this nice impulse by piling 11 students into her Honda Accord for a snack run. During the clown car-style journey to Walmart, which was approximately a mile from the school, two students split the front seat, seven formed a human pyramid in the back, and two more students were stuffed in the trunk. Parking lot footage shows that accomplishing this human Jenga only took the students about 5 minutes. An additional two students, who were out of the classroom at the time the group of 12 departed, were left at the school. The trip came to light after one of the students recounted the trip to her grandmother, who filed a police report.

While fitting 12 people into a Honda is fairly impressive, the Catoosa County school board was more concerned with the poor judgment Cagle showed in deciding to cram her students in the car. It voted 4-1 to terminate Cagle, citing student safety and the fact that she had not obtained parent permission for an off-campus excursion.

3. Peeing in an elevator

elevator

After repeated complaints about a urine stench in the elevator, parking garage managers in downtown Orlando installed video cameras to catch the culprit. When they reviewed the tapes, however, they didn’t see the homeless people they suspected were using the elevator as a bathroom. Instead, they witnessed Orange County sheriff’s deputy Carl Brown, easily identifiable in his official uniform, urinating in the corner of the elevator as soon as the doors closed. Shortly after, Deputy Brown realized he may have been captured on tape and tried to move the camera.

After the sheriff’s office investigated, Brown admitted to urinating in the elevator an estimated five times, claiming a medical condition made it impossible to wait to relieve himself. Regardless of the explanation, sheriff’s office internal investigators found this “unbecoming conduct” sufficient reason to fire Deputy Brown.

2. Photographing an X-Ray of Failed Sexcapades

Photographing an X-Ray of Failed Sexcapades

funnyxray

Working in the ER gives employees some stories that are too ridiculous not to share. Two nurses at Mercy Walworth Medical Center in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, encountered just such a tale when a patient was admitted to the emergency room with an object, which would turn out to be a sex toy, lodged in his rectum.

Unfortunately, for the nurses, they didn’t stop at merely repeating the story for the amusement of family and friends. Instead, they allegedly photographed the patient’s x-rays (or should we say “SEX-rays?), which clearly showed the embedded sex toy, using their cell phones, with one nurse accused of posting the photo to her Facebook page. The nurse later noted that she was careful to ensure that the patient’s name was not included in the photo. Nonetheless, an anonymous concerned hospital employee reported the women’s conduct to the police department, which determined that no state laws had been violated and referred the case to the FBI for additional investigation. The nurses’ employer was not amused, firing the two women for violating policy by “inappropriately disclosing protected patient information and other confidential records.”

1. Letting a Playboy Model “Earn Her Wings”

Letting a Playboy Model “Earn Her Wings”

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Pilots of large passenger planes are generally extremely seasoned, having built their skills through extensive flight school training, hundreds of hours of practice flights, and often, military flight experience. However, Victoria Xipolitakis, a minor celebrity known for her appearances in the Greek version of Playboy and the Argentine version of Big Brother, didn’t need any of those qualifications when invited into the cockpit of a small jetliner and given control of the plane’s throttle on takeoff. “You sure?”, Xipolitakis asks the pilots before they turn over the controls of the plane, which had 36 passengers on board at the time. This scary sequence of events was captured in a series of selfies and videos that were recorded during the course of the flight.

Not surprisingly, when the men’s employer, Austral Líneas Aéreas (parent company Aerolineas Argentinas), found out about their employees’ new Playmate “co-pilot,” the two pilots, Patricio Zocchi Molina and Federico Matias Soaje, were immediately dismissed and Xipolitakis was banned from the airline for five years. In a statement, the airline also indicated a desire to bring criminal charges against the trio for “putting the flight’s safety at risk.”

Joke of the Day

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Lone Ranger

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A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Two kids talking:

Polly: “Does your grandmother read the Bible?”
Elaine: “Sure does. Day and night.”
Polly: “But why does she read it so much?”
Elaine: “I guess she’s cramming for her finals.”

A mother invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear mommy say,” the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

A man and his wife were playing golf. The man tees off and his
ball veers way off to the right, breaking the window of a house.
The wife he needs to apologize and pay for the window.

Both the man and his wife walk up to the house, ring the door but
no one answers. He opens the door and inside, next to the window
he sees a broken vase with his golf ball laying on the floor.

Suddenly a man comes out of a nearby room, the golfer starts to
apologize for breaking his window and the vase.

The man inside the house says, “No, don’t apologize, I am a genie
and have been stuck in that vase for 10,000 years, you have
rescued me and I owe you deeply. For helping me I will grant three
wishes. I will give you one, your lovely wife one and I would
like to keep one for myself.”

He asks the man what he wishes for. The man thought awhile and
said, “I wish for a million dollars.”

The genie waves his hand and said, “A million dollars, it’s yours,
it has been deposited into your bank account.”

He asks the wife what is her wish. She says, “I wish for a
condominium in Hawaii.”

The genie waves his hand and says, “A condominium in Hawaii, it’s
yours.” The genie continues, “Now it is my turn.” He thinks for
awhile and says, “You know its been 10,000 years since I have had
a woman, could I make love to your wife?”

The man thinks for a while and says, “Honey, he gave us a million
dollars and a condominium in Hawaii, the least you could do is
make love to him.”

She agrees and they both go to the back bedroom.

After making passionate love, the woman says, “I can’t believe
that my husband let you do this to me.”

The genie says, “And I can’t believe that your husband still
believes in genies.”

Melrose Plantation – Natchitoches, Louisiana

Reblogged from Erika Kind

Evening Chuckle

cat in window

cat showerfar-side-dogs-tutoredRound The Bend
A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams ‘PIG!’

Astonished, the man turns and yells back, ‘BITCH!’ as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig

Friends Billy-Ray and Joe-Bob were bored, so they decided to visit the bingo hall in town. Billy-Ray won a bottle of BBQ sauce, and Joe-Bob won a toilet brush. The next week, the boys got together again.
“Did you try that sauce yet?” asked Joe-bob. “Yeah” said Billy-Ray, “I put it on some ribs and they were good! How about you? You like your toilet brush?”
“Nah” said Billy-Joe, “It makes my butt sore. I think I’ll go back to toilet paper.”

Car Accident
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot – with just two little slits for his eyes.

‘What happened to you?’ asked Cassidy.

‘I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.’

‘Begod,’ said Cassidy. ‘It’s a good job you were wearing those bandages or you’d have been cut to ribbons!’

$1,990 exactly.
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems….

‘Dactor, it’s me ahrse. I’d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot’.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

‘Incredible’he says, ‘there is a $20 note lodged up here.’

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man’s bottom, and then a $10 pound note appears.

‘This is amazing!’exclaims the Doctor. ”What do you want me to do?’

‘Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man! ‘shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc…..

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

‘Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat’s moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?’

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says ‘$1,990 exactly.’

‘Ah, dat’d be roit,” says the Irishman

‘I knew I wasn’t feeling two grand..’

Strawberry
A patent runs into the doctors

‘Doctor doctor i’ve got a problem’

the dotor looks at him ‘ what’s wrong?’

‘i’ve got a starwberry stuck up my bum’

the doctor says. ‘i’ve got some cream for that

Mike and his wife expect a baby
Irishman Mike Murphy and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes’ wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. “What d’ya want me to do, Doctor?” “Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!” the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
“Mike, you’re the proud father of a fine strapping boy.” “Saints be praised, I…” Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, “Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey.” Soon the doctor delivers the next child. “You’ve a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter.”
“Thanks be to…”
Again the Doctor cuts in, “Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!” Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike’s inspection.
“Doctor,” asks Mike, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attracting them?”

 

Smarty Kitty/ In Honor of National Cat’s Day

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Don’t ever watch infomercials when you’re bored and your wallet is handy.  Had a cold a few weeks ago, was flipping channels, and happened on a commercial for Smarty-Kitty, a product that will train a cat of any age to use the toilet.  I didn’t need Smarty-Kitty.  Squeaky, my ragdoll cat is five years old and up until I interfered with his life at that point, had never had an accident.  Well, naturally, I got busy and ordered Smarty-Kitty and the Continue reading →

Ask Auntie Linda

Auntie LindaDear Auntie Linda,  About 8 years ago my mother moved in with my brother and his partner and sold her home; because it was paid off, she got a hefty amount of money. She told my brother to manage it for her. Around that same time I was forced to leave my job due to severe back problems. I was having to go on disability and knew I would be having to live on significantly less money.  I was telling my brother that I was going to ask my children if they would purchase my home and property so that I could pay off some credit card bills.  He told me that he thought mom would give me that amount of money and it would be considered my early inheritance.  He talked to my mom and my other siblings and they all agreed to this.  I made doubly sure they agreed to it before I allowed it to happen.  The bills were quickly paid off and that was that.  I have been able to remain in my home because of my agreement.

Later, my mother came back to me and insisted that I start paying her a monthly amount – and all of this was to be done behind my brother’s back.  I started sending her the monthly amount and she then insisted that I send her cash and not a check. I refused to do that.
After that, she and a granddaughter took my house key, copied it  and gave it to my neighbors (who are needy and not morally sound).  Her granddaughter(my niece) became friends with these people to turn them against me and have them come into my home and help themselves to anything they wanted. Also, all of my outdoor landscaping plants started being killed off. (Of course, I didn’t know what my mother and niece had done at the time). And, they also involved other people in this behavior, telling them all that I “stole the money” from my mother.  Things started going missing in my home. All of my freezer meat was stolen. My outdoor plants were all being killed. This continued even after I changed the locks on my home.
My niece brow beat me and stressed me out so bad that I had a psychotic break and had to go back to counseling.  My mother said awful things to my daughter that has hurt our relationship and we had a very close and loving relationship.
It has been absolute hell. I cannot even begin to tell you how much. I still talk to my mother because of my brother, but I no longer feel loving toward her. I am very nice to her, but I can’t easily tell her I love her anymore. This has given me terrible anxiety and deep sorrow.  I guess I just need your opinion and any suggestions (if any) you may have on this matter.   ~Deeply Hurt~
Dear Deeply Hurt,  I suspect your mother is being manipulated by her granddaughter who is very likely working Granny for money, unbeknownst to your brother.  You were right not to hand cash over.  Was there an agreement with Mom before the sale as to whether or not you were to pay rent to remain in residence?  Your brother needs to know that Mom is asking for rent (cash) since he is handling her financial affairs. Also, is Mom’s mind still sound?  She may not understand what is going on.  Conduct all business through your brother and notify him of any other demands.
As to key situation, anyone taking items from your house committed theft.  You were smart to change locks.  Even if Mom considers herself your landlord, she cannot authorize others to go in and take items from you, her tenant.  I expect it is too late to report the theft now, but let your brother, mom, and other family know you will be reporting theft, trespassing and vandalism in the future.
Family conflicts are terribly stressful.  Hopefully, in time, your feeling toward Mom will soften, especially if you realize she was being used.  Don’t bother to keep defending yourself against malicious tales.  Your daughter’s feelings should soften when things settle down.  Make sure Brother is in the loop in all your dealings with Mom.  The granddaughter may be using Granny to put the touch on other family members.  Good Luck.  This is a tough situation.  Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda,  I recently went to care for my seventy-five year-old sister while she was recovering from surgery.  She lives across the street from her daughter, Susie, who normally cares for her.  Joanie is diabetic, legally blind,  and dependent on others for daily help.  She has turned her checkbook over to Susie.  Susie doesn’t work and never has.  Susie picked me up at the bus station at six pm, stopped by the grocery store, told me to wait in the car, and was out in about five minutes with two packaged dinners.  She dropped me off at Joanie’s door and zipped off, saying she’d be back in the morning to give Joanie her shot and bring breakfast.  I said, “I’ll be glad to cook breakfast.  Just come back and give the shot.”
She he zipped off after telling me there was no food, she’d be back in the morning.  I thought she meant she’d have to bring a few things.  That night, Joanie and I ate the small packaged dinner.  About nine o’clock, Joanie wanted a little snack.  I went in the kitchen to get her something.  There was butter in the fridge and an empty peanut butter jar in the pantry.  Joanie had scraped it clean.  Though she was diabetic, ther was nothing I could give her.  About eight-thirty the next morning, Susie came dragging in with two packaged breakfasts from the store, scrambled eggs and English muffins, no coffee, no milk, and no juice.  She hurriedly gave her Mother her shot and said she’d be back with lunches. ……later.  Joanie told her she’d like a little money.  Joanie said, “no your money is all spent.  I had to charge this on Bob’s credit card.”
I asked her to take me to the grocery store.  She didn’t have time.  Late that afternoon, she came back and took me to the store.  It was three miles away.  I couldn’t have walked and carried back groceries.  Except for the times she came to give Joanie her shot, Susie didn’t show her face.  Joanie had one towel and one change of clothes.  Susie had taken her laundry and didn’t have time to bring it back.  When the home-health nurse visited, I told her Joanie was neglected. Joanie denied it, saying, Susie usually does great.”  I know this isn’t true.  What can I do?  I live six hours away.  Joanie’s Sister
Dear Sister, Report this to Adult Protection.  They will investigate.  Tell them it is an emergency.  Auntie Linda
Please email your questions to lbeth1950@hotmail.com. I can answer confidentially or in this blog.  Thanks

Joke of the Day

funny-cartoonFirst woman in space: “Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind.” What’s the problem? “Nothing.” Please tell us. “I’m fine.”First woman in space: “Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind.” What’s the problem? “Nothing.” Please tell us. “I’m fine.”

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’’s a headache?”

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes”, the boy’s mother answered. “And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. “Who cares?” the mother replied.

A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, “He’s quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. He will be leaving me soon.”

The man thinks, “A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How does it stay up there.”

The Price Of Cleanliness

Re logged from Catterall.

catterel's avatarcatterel

A series of posts about Laundry in the 1950’s by Ibeth at Nutsrok brought back memories for me. https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/10/08/laundry-in-the-1950s-part-1/
https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/10/09/laundry-in-the-1950s-part-2/
https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/laundry-in-1950s-part-3/

I remember, when I was first married and lived in a flat in Germany in the 1960’s, that we had a front-loading washing machine in the basement, which was shared by all tenants according to a rota. My recollection is that I was allowed to use it once a month, which seems strange as the usual system, still operating today in most of Europe, is that each apartment tenant is allocated a half day every week. Maybe I just used to forget when it was my turn. I know I used it a couple of times, feeding the machine with tokens bought for 20 Pfennig each from the “Hausdrachen” (house dragon or concierge) a ferocious little middle-aged woman who hated me because I was English. One load…

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