memoir

Joke of the Day

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say, “Look! He’s moving!”

Joke of the Day

madonnaLittle Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.” Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol’s mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did. Carol’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Carol

Carol knew this wasn’t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol

Carol knew this wasn’t true either. She tore up the letter and started
again.

LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven’t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol

Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a
bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol’s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.

“Just be home in time for dinner,” her mother said.

Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down
and wrote her letter to God.

LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO

When you buy a gift consider a work as original as you are

Reblog from Gales Mind. Thank you Gale

Gale A. Molinari's avatar

Reblog from Gales Mind. Thank you Gale

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Turned Out In The Cold

imageUncle Joe sent word he needed the boys to cut firewood one November day in 1934.  He’d be ready about ten the next morning.  They walked barefoot three miles through the woods, kicking at the fallen leaves, since it was a still a warm day as November often is in Nortwest Louisiana.  Shoes had to be saved for school, but the opportunity to get a day’s work took precedence over school.  They needed whatever Uncle Joe paid, whether it be a little money or food.  Maybe they’d get a meal or some cast off clothes, too. Continue reading →

Things Cat Crap Taught Me

imageMakiing your bed is important, even if you’ve been a slob and left it till midnight.  A deranged cat may have left a nice gooey kitty surprise in the warm spot you abandoned this morning. You won’t like the way it feels as you slide your leg along it under the rumpled covers, I’m pretty sure.

No!!!!!!!

JAILOne day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge’s closing statement he asked the man, “I would like Continue reading →

Ahhhhh!

LindaA lot of people my age look pretty old.  I’m glad I lost my mirror.

People Ought Not to Have to Live That Way

imageAfter his father died , Daddy told of his family moving in a battered old shack sitting in a open field occupied by a bull and herd of cows.  It was really not much better than a barn, just unpainted planks with unfinished walls inside, tin roof visible above the open rafters. The  cows offered little threat, but the Jersey bull raged when the cows were in heat.  Mettie and the kids had to always had to keep a look out for him when they stepped outdoors to do laundry or fetch water from the well.  Mettie kept the little girls close by in case they had to make a run for the house.  She and the older boys made sure he was nowhere around before starting across the open field to the road. Continue reading →

A Grave Matter

Graveside0001 (2)As the two tipsy ladies staggered home their night on the town, they realized they had to go, right then, and made a quick detour into the cemetery.  They each ducked behind a tombstone to do their business.  Of course, they had no toilet tissue.  One used her panties, tossing them aside.  Her friend had worn a lovely matched set and couldn’t bear to part with her undies.  She just snitched a ribbon off a flower arrangement, cast it aside, and went on her way. Continue reading →