One of Daddy’s coworkers also indulged in the hunt. I loved hearing the stories they told.
Slim was a God-gifted liar, so well-known for his lying, that anyone who repeated one of his tales had to buy coffee for the group. One day, Slim came rushing by several of the fellows standing around at work and one of them called out, “Slim, stop and tell us a lie.”
“I ain’t got time.” He called over his shoulder. “Martin Bishop just fell in Smokestack 19 and I’m on the way to call an ambulance.” He rushed on as the other men took off in the opposite direction to check out the accident at Smokestack 19. They were breathless upon getting there and found Martin hard at work, totally unaware that he’d just been tragically killed. I guess they all had to buy their own coffee.
Slim and his wife, Ida Ruth, had a large family. Like many men of the time, his work was done once he left the job. One blazing August afternoon he came home to find a workman, a man of his acquaintance, digging a ditch that ran along the right of way in front of his place. The man was stripped down to his undershirt in the sweltering heat with sweat pouring off him. Slim stopped to talk and sent one of the kids for a glass of ice water. “Man, it’s too hot for you to be shoveling in this heat. Git on out of that ditch and let Ida Ruth finish it!” I don’t guess Ida Ruth heard about it, because there was no murder.
Mike Parsons had been raised in Arkansas and considered himself an authority on all things Arkansas. No one could mention Arkansas without getting an earful of his knowledge, experience, or connections. He must have had a hundred sisters, since he had a brother-in-law in every town. It was getting a little tiresome and Ray Marshall decided to set him up. “I’m going to come in to work tomorrow telling a wild tale about a town in Arkansas I made up. Y’all follow along and see what ol’ Mike has to say.”
The next morning at work when they stopped for coffee, Ray started his story, “Any of y’all ever heard of a little town up in the Arkansas called Catscratch? I was driving through there one time and………”
Mike Parsons jumped in. “Sure, I been there several times. My sister married an old boy from there. He raises them big pink tomaters just outside Catscratch. They got a real nice little place.”
memoir
335 dogs rescued from kill shelters
Thank you Paulette. I love a wonderful rescue dog.
I’m deeply grateful to everyone who has purchased, read, and taken the time to review one of my books. All profits from my books go to help get dogs like Mickey, Jingles, Maverick, Duran, Sheba, Miss Beazley, Woodrow, Jade, Freddy, Micki, Darryl, Louie, Lucas, Reginald, Gray tzu, Bowie, Sawyer, Suzie, Eva, Einstein, Houdini, Zelda, Farley, Lacey, mom Darlene & 3 puppies, Oso, bonded pair Classy & Velvet, Wilma, Quinn, Admiral, Hendrix, Tanji, Penelope, Cletus, Bentley, Cora, Martha & Millicent (see photos below) out of kill shelters. So far in 2018, 335 dogs have been rescued. In 2017 we’ve helped free 904 dogs. In 2016, 250 dogs were freed. In 2015, 149 dogs were freed.
AND please for everyone who’s purchased a book could I humbly ask you to write a review when you’ve completed the read. Amazon promotes and ranks books according to number of reviews in addition to…
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5 Funny Moments with Babies
A Hog a Day Part 10
Art by Kathleen Swain
Cousin Carol married a sorry guy. He wasn’t crazy about working. In fact, he was pretty much averse to it. He had better things to do, hunting, fishing, sleeping and making babies. He and Carol had three babies in record time. It worried Daddy’s brother terribly that Jerry didn’t provide for Carol and the kids. As a favor to him, Daddy had Jerry meet him at the house one day after work. “Come with me and we’ll go get you a hog so Carol can have something to cook for the kids.” Jerry was all for free pork. They went to the pen, got Jerry a nice-sized pig, and he was on his way.
A few days later, Daddy showed up to check hs traps mid-morning and surprised Jerry at his pen with a 22 rifle in his hands. He’d just shot a pig and was getting ready to load it in his car. Daddy was an imposing man, very six foot three. He slapped Jerry to the ground.
Billy was Daddy’s shadow, making every step he made, whether it was hunting or socializing, which were often one in the same. One evening, they were sitting with several of the guys on logs around a fire telling tales. Billy had worked hard to keep up with his new orange hunting cap all day, only too aware of how lucky he was to have it. It was late. He was tired. He’d nodded off a time or two, leaned up against a big log next to Daddy when he was startled to see Runt Rider, the crotchety owner of the fish camp wearing his cap. His hand flew to his head, finding it bare. Sure enough, Runt had his hat! The other fellows teased him routinely, but Runt was an old grump, who’d never even spoken to him. There were even stories that he’d stabbed a man!
He’d been set up. The guys were all waiting, watching for his reaction. The more he studied the situation, the more outraged he became. Finally, time for action. He bounded across, grabbed the cap off Runt’s head, and was rewarded by an explosion of laughter from all the guys around the fire. Runt was not happy at being laughed at. His face turned fiery red. He spit, sputtered, cursed, struggling to maintain control, clearly infuriated. Billy calmly put the hat on his head, walked to Daddy’s truck, and got in, feeling vindicated.
Daddy walked over to the truck. “Son, why in the world did you grab Mr. Runt’s hat off his head?”
“He had my hat. I had to get it back.”
“Look on the seat beside you.” Beside him on the seat, undeniably, lay his own hat. “I guess you’d better give Mr. Runt’s cap back. Billy took off the cap, returning it to Mr. Runt, with an apology. Mr. Runt was ungracious, but at least didn’t stab him.
Danny and the Alligator
Danny’s back!
We slog through the antediluvian swamp, a diaphanous mist rises from the quagmire and a miasmal stench fills our nostrils. The authorities are pursuing us, though we have done nothing wrong. Well, Andrew has done nothing wrong. I, on the other hand, bit a man—a big, obnoxious slob of a man. He had it coming to him. He said I was the ugliest dog he had even seen. Me, Danny the Dog!
After I bit him, he pulled out his cell phone and called the cops, but Andrew and I didn’t stick around and wait for them to show up. We hightailed it out of there pronto. Now we are hunted fugitives, with a price on our heads and the law closing in. Andrew always told me I’d go to Doggie Jail if I didn’t mend my sorry-ass ways.
They are close now; we can hear their voices, so…
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Accounting
Bud is fussy about his budget. He does a computer check on the bank account every morning. Our big dog, Croc eats a lot. That goes in the budget. What goes in must come out, so he poops a lot. Bud also likes to work that not the budget. “Croc pooped about a dollar’s worth.”
I’m glad I’m not in charge of accounting!”
More Pig Jokes
A man is driving down a deserted country road when he has a blowout. Not having a spare he finally finds a house and asks the lady if he can use her phone to call for a tow-truck. As she opens the door for him to come in, a Three Legged Pig runs out. He asks “why does that Pig only have three legs?” She says that they had a fire and the pig woke everybody up and then went back and brought the dog out. He said “but why does the Pig only have three legs?” She said well another time my son was playing on the ice and it broke and he fell in and the Pig ran to the barn and got a rope and saved him. Again he asked “why does the Pig only have three legs?” After all the Pig did for us, it didn’t seem right to e
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/threeleggedpigjoke.html
Q: What do you call a pig thief? A: A hamburglar.
Q: How do pigs write top secret messages? A: With invisible oink!
Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? A: Pulled-Pork
Q: What is a pig’s favorite color? A: Mahogany!
Q: What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig? A: A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.
Q: What do you call a pig with no legs? A: A groundhog. Q: Why was the pig ejected from the football game? A: For playing dirty.
Q: Why did the pig cross the road? A: He got BOARed.
Q: What do you call a pig with laryngitis? A: Disgruntled.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/pigjokes.html
A Hog a Day Part 9
Daddy took pride in being strict. “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” He was certainly never accused of spoiling the child. Many times I heard him say there wasn’t a kid or an animal he couldn’t conquer. During his hog-hunting days he acquired a hog-dog he was incredibly proud of. Sutter was a black lab/Catahoula Cur mix. When sicced on a herd of hogs, Sutter plunged in and fearlessly latched onto the hog’s ear not to be dislodged until the hunter dispatched the hog. The poor hog couldn’t slash Sutter as long as he hung on to the ear. The dog was in the greatest danger of being bitten as he rushed the hog. Hog-hunting was dangerous for men and dogs. I’ve seen Daddy stitch his cut dogs a few times. He required stitches a time or two, but splurged on a doctor for himself.
Sutter worked cows with Daddy. One day, he chased a calf and pinned it to the ground where he held it by a mangled ear. Expecting a kill, he wouldn’t release it. Daddy pulled him off the calf, tied him off to a small sapling, and pulled off his belt to strap to him. He got a couple of licks in before Sutter changed his belief system. The enlarged dog ran Daddy up the sapling where he clung just out of the dog’s reach. At six-foot three and two hundred forty pounds, Daddy was imposing on the tree. It dipped from one side to the other as Daddy bounced side-to-side just beyond the snarling dog’s jaws. I wondered if somebody would have to shoot Daddy if Sutter latched onto his ear. After a few minutes, Sutter’s temper cooled and he wagged his tail when Daddy spoke to him. Daddy climbed down when Sutter seemed to have forgiven him.
Sitter was a very valuable dog. Instead of shooting him as I expected, Daddy took the reasonable attitude that he’d handled things badly. He and Sutter worked it out and the dog concentrated on hogs from that time forward.
Maybe I should have run Daddy up a tree.
‘I Was a QVC ‘Virgin’
It could happen to you, too!
There’s an old adage that ‘the easiest person to sell to is another salesperson’. I don’t buy it!
I spent my career in sales which has nothing to do with the fantastic chopper, mixer, blender, all-in-one appliance that I bought from the QVC shopping network today, the wildly popular Ninja. What a magnificent collection of blades and bowls. I didn’t need the sales pitch to make me dial. It was good, but that’s not what sold it.
I saw the drinks and desserts this compact culinary cutie was churning out and felt my credit card twitching in my pocket. ‘You’ll be more efficient in the kitchen and put pizzazz in your food prep’, the host assurred us. Ha, talk is cheap. One demo, and I knew that after some trial and error, we’d be juicing and sluicing our way to gourmet heaven.
The bullet point delivery of the on-air personality…
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Nutsrok 