Joke of the Day

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

'Hey guys! He just said we'll all be in gravy soon! We're going to be rich!' ‘Hey guys! He just said we’ll all be in gravy soon! We’re going to be rich!’

'Is that cow meditating?' 'Dyslexic.' ‘Is that cow meditating?’ ‘Dyslexic.’

farm 5

Farm 4

farm 2farm 2farm 3

'For some reason, I've never been able to bring myself to part with Elsie here.' ‘For some reason, I’ve never been able to bring myself to part with Elsie here.’

Gathering chickens

The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”

“Well, you done real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”

Lacking all religion

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently…

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Another Joke for You

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, “We’re prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?” One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, “We’re prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?” One male parrot said to the other, “Put the Bibles away! We’ve made it to heaven!”

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Parrot Joke

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing. On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers. The magician ALWAYS had a parrot on his shoulder. Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away. One time the magician had a knife, he spun it around it dissappeared! The parrot said “It’s in his pocket, it’s in his pocket”. The crowd booed him because the parrot gave it away. The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished. Again, the parrot said, “It’s up his sleeve! It’s up his sleeve!” The magician got mad because he couldn’t keep any of his tricks secret. The parrot kept giving them away.
One day the cruise ship sank. The magician and the parrot managed to make it to an island where they stayed for about 3 months when the parrot, all of…

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Oops, Did I Say That?

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

imageFor a while when I was a kid we had the Sailor Bill Show, a low budget afternoon kid’s show featuring Sailor Bill and his sidekick Polly Parrot.  Everyday Sailor Bill showed a couple of cartoons, interviewed some kids in the audience, talked to Polly Parrot, told a few jokes and made some effort to entertain us.

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Afternoon Chuckle

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

There’s this bar and in the bar there is a magic mirror.

If you tell a lie it will suck you in.

One day a brunette walks into the bar. She approaches the mirror and says ” I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world” and it sucks her in.

The next day a redhead walks into the bar. She approaches the mirror and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world” and it sucks her in.

The next day a blonde walks into the bar. She approaches the mirror and says “I think…” and it sucks her in.

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are interviewing for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.

First, the panel of scientists asks the brunette, “If you could go to any planet, what planet would you choose and why?” She answers promptly, “I would…

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Smorgasbord Posts from My Archives – Blog Sitting February 2017 – The Sinful Suitcase and the Common-Law Cows by author Linda Bethea — Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

Last year I headed off to my annual reunion with my two sisters in the UK for our joint birthday celebrations. Some wonderful contributors were left in charge of my blog in my absence and some of them will be returning this year betweent 15th and 21st of February as I head off again. I […]

via Smorgasbord Posts from My Archives – Blog Sitting February 2017 – The Sinful Suitcase and the Common-Law Cows by author Linda Bethea — Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

Charley’s Tale Part 22

Robert and Bessie piled Charles’s car high for his trip back to town.  Charles was  the enviable object of a friendly competition between Cora and Bessie, so lots of eggs, milk, cream and butter filled an ice chest.  Two gallons of dewberries, turnip greens, squash and green tomatoes, and a dozen jars of Bessie’s bread and butter pickles were safely tucked in the trunk.  Bessie raised the ante by four quarts of pickled eggs, smugly aware Cora didn’t have fresh eggs.  The biggest prize of all, the freshly dressed hen rode in the front seat with Charles.  “I am sure proud of all these farm goods,” Charles told them.  “I’d have been scared to go home without Cora’s hen and dewberries.  Boys, I really appreciate the fish.  I’m hoping Cora will cook’em for my supper.  I do love white perch.”

”You’re sure welcome,” Robert answered.  “They ain’t nothing like good country food.  I’d hate to have to eat from a can like some folks do.  The beans, corn, and tomaters is puttin’ on real good and should be ready in a couple of weeks.  I’ll have ‘em ready for you next time.”

“If you don’t get back when they’re comin’ on, you know I’ll can ‘em up for you.”  Bessie assured him.

” I’ll be back.  I’ll want to see how Charley’s doing.  Charley, make sure you learn all you can from Robert,”  Charles answered.  “But don’t lift anything too heavy.  Go easy on your sore belly!”

”I will. It don’t hurt no more.”  Charley answered.

”You say that now.” Robert laughed.  “You just wait till it’s time to milk at four-thirty in the morning.  That’s gonna hurt.  You ain’t used to gittin’ up that early.”

”Why does milking have to come so early?”  Charley challenged.  “It’s not even light then.”

”Because we got six cows to milk and hogs to slop before breakfast.  Bessie puts biscuits on the table at five-thirty so we can be working by daylight.  We got to hoe them beans before it gits too hot, then work on that section of fence in the afternoon.  It’s gonna be a long day.” Robert answered.

”Charley, you do everything Robert says and learn all you can.  Robert is the best farmer around.  He feeds two houses and puts money in the bank, too.”   Charles told Charley.

“I will, Dad.  I don’t know nothing now, and I aim to be a farmer.”  Charley assured his dad and Robert.

Charles mused as he drove through the country. “Charley is in a good place.  Robert and Bessie have known him since he was born.”  Once again, he wished he’d left well-enough alone and left Charley the way God made him.  His meddling had likely driven his wife crazy and left Charley’s life a mess.”

Nympho Joke

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

far side

A woman visited the psychiatrist.  “I think I’m a nymphomaniac.”

“Well,” said the psychiatrist.  “Before we start, I have to tell you my fee is eighty dollars an hour.”

“How much for all night?”  she asked.

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Worst Sandwich, Ever

Long, long ago when I was a but child-bride, I yearned to please my handsome husband so I dreamed of concocting hearty breakfasts, luscious lunches, and delightful dinners. This wasn’t to be. We had wisely married while still in college so were in possession of two things money couldn’t buy, abject poverty and true love. We were just scraping by. After about two weeks, about all we had left in the refrigerator was a half-loaf of bread, mustard, a couple of lonely, frozen chicken gizzards, and an old, dry sliver of cheddar cheese. I fried those chicken gizzards up nice and hard, sliced them as thin as possible, added the slivered cheddar cheese and sat down with My Darling to enjoy the amazing delicacy. It was the worst thing I ever tried to eat. The piquant taste of overdone gizzard slathered with mustard was not a good companion taste for the dried out cheddar cheese. I was never tempted to try that combo again.