Welcome to Jamaica
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, “Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker.”
John couldn’t back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big Jamaican gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed. So John said “Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too.”
The guy looked confused and said, “What makes you think that?” John replied “Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo — so you don’t have a girlfriend named Wendy?”
The guy laughed and responded, “No mon, that tattoo says, “Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day.”
THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOR
“Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE.”
“We’re all out of red, so I used pink.”
“There are 2 Os in Bob, right?”
“I’d like you to meet my father-in-law, he’s a laser removal specialist.”
“Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy.”
“Just let me toss back another shot and we’ll get started.”
“That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie.”
“Don’t worry, this is a one of a kind tattoo. Your clover has five leaves, not four.”
“Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups.”
“If you don’t like it, don’t panic. I do bitchin’ cover-ups.”
“Anything else you want to say? You’ve got plenty of room back here.”
“I’ll bet you can’t tell I’ve never done this before.”
“The flag’s all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect.”
“Oops….”
“Latex gloves are for sissies.”
“Do you mind paying me up front? People stiff me if I don’t get the money before I do the job”
“I haven’t learned drawing a Grim Reaper yet, so I did a naked chick hugging Mickey instead.”
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes a nd say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”
Nutsrok 