What’s Important!

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

Wouldn’t it be a gift to be born knowing the opinion of one’s peers mattered little? So much of the angst of learning your way would be relieved. Often, a person wastes that time unlearning the basic rules learned as a child. Kindness, empathy, and decency may be discarded in pursuit of fun, friendship, and ambition. It’s good to mature and be authentic.

Mice Tales

I confess I once committed a grave sin. When my son was in the sixth grade, he had a science fair project. For once we planned ahead. His premise was “Sugar makes mice hyperactive.” We purchased eight white mice, dividing them into two cages. One group got sugar. The other didn’t. John monitored each groups activities for a few minutes daily.

There wasn’t much to watch. During the day, the mice mostly burrowed under the shredded paper in the cage. Some days later, it became abundantly clear there had been plenty going on under that shredded paper. Little mice started slipping through the wires of the cages to cavort around.

Horrified at the population explosion, I shut the experiment down. “These mice have to go! Hurriedly, we gathered up both cages of mice to put them outdoors till we came up with a solution. Fortunately, the babies scurried back to their mamas.

Providentially, a neighbor kid stopped by as we were pondering what to do. By this time John was thoroughly tired of the whole problem. “What are you gonna do with ’em?” he asked.

I don’t know but we can’t keep them in the house.” I answered.

Heaven smiled. “Can I have’em?” he asked.

I didn’t think twice. I didn’t tell him to call his mom. “John, help Stevie take these mice home.”

I hope I can one day be forgiven.

Irish Jokes

Irish men were playing poker when one of them played a bad hand and died…

The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend’s house to tell the wife.

The man says to her, “Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.”

The wife says, “Tell him to drop dead!” The man responds, “I’ll go tell him.”

What’s the difference between God and Bono?

God doesn’t wander around Dublin thinking he’s Bono.

There are only three kinds of men who don’t understand women…

Young men, old men, and middle-aged men.

You don’t want to press your luck.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke…

But the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.

The Irish way…

Now don’t be talking about yourself while you’re here. We’ll surely be doing that after you leave.

Favorite Foods

What are your favorite types of foods?

I love comfort foods. My favorite meal is home fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, small green lima beans and corn cooked together, and biscuits. Since I know it’s bad for me, I only cook that meal on special occasions. I also like brisket, marinated till tender, cooked at about 340 degrees till it’s fork tender. I suppose my favorite foods are home cooke. We rarely eat out since my cooking is to our taste.

Joke of the Day

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.” Continue reading →

Dog’s Life in Photos

Croc in his bed in living room

Izzy’s bed in living room

Izzy on bed. As soon as I make bed he scrambles to put all his toys back on bed.

Croc giving me attitude. It’s 315 pm and he can’t eat till 400 pm.

Broken Arm

Grandma lived near the Gulf Coast with my Aunt Cookie, Uncle Riley and Cousin Barbie. The long drive to their house was covered in crushed shells rather than gravel. Apparently, it had just been resurfaced, making it a bit challenging to maintain your footing, especially in areas where shell filled deep holes.

Barbie was one lucky kid. An only child, she never had to share. Her parents had never introduced the concept. Any time one of us approached a toy, she threw a screaming fit. Aunt Cookie and Uncle Riley backed her up, wishing we weren’t so selfish as to make precious little Barbie scream.

I’d never seen so many toys as Barbie had in her toy room. There was no furniture, nor toy box, just wall-to-wall toys, piling up along every wall and extending up a couple of feet in all four corners. There wasn’t a bare spot on the floor. After we’d tossed things around a few minutes, we’d even have the door blocked. A great deal of the time, we’d just be on a treasure hunt, digging up one amazing find after another. Billy would hold an incredible toy he’d just excavated and Barbie would run shrieking to try wrench it from his grip. Meanwhile, I’d unearth another jewel, causing her to abandon her earlier quest. We usually kept her running and screaming till she exhausted herself. Cookie would give us “the look” and hustle poor caterwauling Barbie off for some cuddling and consolation time. Cookie was always trying to stave off Barbie’s athsma, While Barbie slept it off, we partied.

On this particular day, while our nemesis slept her fit off, we prowled around and found a tiny, red bike with training wheels stowed in the garden shed. The hard rubber wheels were barely six-inches in diameter. It still sported training wheels. It was barely used. Cookie and Uncle Riley were wildly overprotective of their little angel and likely hid it after Barbie tipped over a time or two.

Billy, an overgrown eight-year-old, was far too big for the minuscule bike, but he gave it his best shot. He knees nearly bumped his chin as he tried to pedal through the deep shells in the drive.He bogged down as he struggled to move. Grandpa sat on porch dourly watching. “Boy, you’ gonna fall off an’ break yore alarm!”

Billy didn’t bother to answer, just struggled on. Bless Pat, if he didn’t dip into a hidden hole, take a dive, and lay howling on the ground. Sure enough, his arm was broken. To this day, he’s disgusted.

Run?

How often do you walk or run?

I run if I see a bear, Freddy Kruger,a mudslide, or a Tsunami coming my way. I walk to get where I need to be. That’s about it.

The Wit of the West: Amusing Cowboy Anecdotes

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.

“This,” he said, showing him a rope, “is a lariat. We use it to catch cows.”

“I see,” said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. “And what do you use for bait?”

A cowboy was giving a tour of the ranch to a bunch of dudes. One lady asked “Have you ever had an accident?” The cowboy replied “No.” She said “You mean to tell me you’ve never been hurt as a cowboy?” He said “I broke my arm when a horse throwed me, I got run over by a cow, and I’ve been snakebit.” She said “And you don’t consider those as accidents?” He said “No, I think they done it a-purpose.”

“If yer in the corral and one of yer amigos gets bucked off, everybody rides over to see if he’s alright. If he’s alive you start tellin’ the story right away! If he’s dead, you wait a couple days!” ~ Baxter Black

“I speek many languages you know, French, Italian, and Thousand Island.” ~ Hank the Cow Dog

A cowboy is giving a talk to some school kids explaining that everything a cowboy wears has a purpose. He says, “Now, my hat is shaped the way it is to keep the sun off my face and the back of my neck and if my horse needs a drink I can use my hat to scoop him up some water”…..”Any I pull this bandana here that’s around my neck up over my face so that I don’t get dust in my eyes and nose when I’m trailing cattle”…. A little boy sitting in the front row says, “How come you’re wearing tennis shoes instead of Cowboy Boots”? The cowboy smiles and says, “That’s so folks don’t mistake me for a truck driver”… 

An English Gentleman was traveling in the US, and came to a large Texas ranch. Walking up to a cowhand, he asked,”I say, my good man, is your Master about?” The cowboy looked him in the eye and said “The SOB hasn’t been born yet!” 
Paul