1960’s humor

Three Quotes in Three Days

This is the second day of my Three Quotes in Three Days Challenge by Brian at Vancouver Visions.  Please check out his excellent blog.  Instead of nominating specific bloggers, I encourage anyone who feels inspired to join in.

I had a cousin who was married to an eccentric fellow.  From time to time, he would go way off the mark and Cousin Sue would set about straightening him out.  When it looked as though she might be about to commit mayhem, he’d head for the hills, calling over his shoulder, “Don’t go crazy, Sue!”

Ever since then, when it looks like a family hothead is about to lose it, someone is sure to remind them, “Don’t go crazy, Sue!”

Drive On

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John was too lazy to work his farm.  His family would have starved if the neighbors hadn’t brought them something to eat.  Finally, a group of the neighboring farmers collected up and decided if John was too sorry to support his family, maybe they ought to just hang him.

They had him loaded up on a wagon to haul to the gallows when Charley felt guilty and spoke up. “We can’t just hang a man for being too sorry to work.  I’ll give him a wagon load of corn to get his family through the winter and he can make a fresh start next spring.  How about that John?”

“Is it shucked?” asked John.

“Well, no.”  said Charlie.

“Drive on.” said John.

What???

sun hatI had a sobering experience today.  I was looking for baby diapers in the store today.  When I asked for assistance, the store employee pointed me towards the Depends!

Jolly Funeral Policy

Connie and Marilyn's Toddler PicturesAgents selling funeral policies were a fixture in the rural South.  Our budget was too tight for such luxuries, so Mother tried hard to keep us alive.  Myrtle Harper sold policies for Jolly Funeral Home and Watkins products.  She was a nosy do-gooder who carried sunshine from house to house, dispensing information about people’s financial situations Continue reading →

Joke

The retired railroad engineer didn’t have a lot going on, so he got in the habit of going to the movies into the afternoon.  In fact, in one movie the bad guys were chasing the cowboy in the white hat when the train came by and separated them, letting  him get away.  He saw that one nine times.  When he went to buy his tenth ticket, the ticket seller asked him why he wanted to see it again.

“I’ve worked for the railroad for forty years.  I know that sooner or later that train’s gonna be late and I want to see what happens.”

Mothers Day Pinto

Mother was a slow learner.  It took her forever to learn that Daddy was not the thoughtful kind of guy who would ever surprise her with lovely gifts and gestures.  He was more the kind of guy who felt sorry for himself when she got her feelings hurt or got mad.  After all, he was pretty sure he’d gotten her something last year, for her birthday or Christmas, one or the other.  What had she done with that eggbeater?

This year was going to be different.  Virgil Hughes had a nice Pinto horse.  It was a good deal since it “wasn’t broke” yet.  Nobody really wanted it since it stomped Euless and broke his leg, but Daddy was sure he could make a fine riding horse out of it.  Kathleen was scared of horses, but she’d get over that.  If she didn’t, he’d ride it.  Daddy stopped off on the way home from work the Friday before Mother’s Day to pick it up.  It was kicking the side rails when he pulled in.  He called Mother out to see her beautiful Pinto and she hit the ceiling.  “Of all the things I need, you come bringing in a horse.  We need another useless animal to feed like I need a hole in the head.”  She stormed in, furious.

Daddy stomped off, putting the horse in the pasture.  “Kathleen didn’t appreciate anything he did for her.  It would be a cold day in Hell before he brought her anything else!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Dirt is Good

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Ilove dirt.  This is some great dirt. It is the color and weight of chocolate cake mix, but I haven’t tasted it yet. I am moving a lot of this into the strawberry bed just outside my backdoor.   This particular dirt is from a our four year old compost he heap where we dumped grass, branches, garden and kitchen refuse, bured a few varmints.  Bud has turned this pile 3 to six times a year for the past four years with his garden tractor. It would have broken down much faster if I had left it alone, but I planted Cushaw, Yukon Gold Potatoes. And Sweet Potatoes in it last year, so he couldn’t turn it for a long time.

We have a three-year-old, a two-year-old, and a year old compost heap.

I Smell a Rat

imageConnie and Marilyn and two of their friends had been talking about sleeping in the barn for quite a while. They’d built themselves a lovely hideaway over the feed room where they spent many hours together.  On one of the coldest nights of the year, they convinced themselves the time had come.  Mother and Daddy weren’t concerned about Continue reading →

Grandma and the Coat from Hell

Repost

Since there were five kids in our family, Grandma did her best to help out when she could. Sometimes I still hate her for it. Once she went to the Goodwill Store and bought me the ugliest coat in the world. I didn’t have a problem with Goodwill. It was ugly that bothered me. It was a knee-length brown hounds-tooth wool dress coat of the style not Continue reading →