Dear Auntie Linda, Frannie and I have been friends since we were n our twenties.  We are in our early seventies now and are neighbors again in a small retirement community.   I am widowed; she is divorced.  For a long time we enjoyed doing things together, hitting a couple of sales, maybe seeing a movie or having coffee, and finally stopping at the market on the way home.  Now, Frannie is changing our plans without notice and taking advantage of me.  We’ve always used my car, at my suggestion, since she is a timid driver, and she helps on gas.  Sometimes, she lets me get all the way to her house before making her grocery list.  Then she tells me she’s decided not to go after all, asking me to pick her items up and bring them back.  When this happens, she only plays the exact ticket amount, no tax or gas money.   It annoys me to have her cancel.  I have no desire to be her errand boy and spend the extra time for pick up and delivery.  Had Just About Enough

Dear Just About, Since Frannie isn’t shy, you needn’t be.  It wouldn’t hurt to check and make sure Frannie hasn’t changed her mind before you leave your house.  If she pulls a quickie on you after you get there, tell her it’s not convenienient for you to do her shopping.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me!

Dear Auntie Linda, My son and daughter-in-law stayed with me three weeks while they were waiting for their house to be completed.  My thirteen year old granddaughter told me something that really disturbs me.  I loaned them twenty thousand dollars to put down on this house.  Betsy wants her room painted sky blue so she can paint a butterfly on one wall and birds and flowers on the others.  A crazy paint job like that might ruin the resale value of the house.  I know my son will pay me back what he owes me, but he found out he was diabetic last week.  I am worried now my daughter-in-law might not pay me back if something happens to him before he repays me.  Should I ask my son to make provisions to pay the loan?  Worried Mother

Dear Worried, I don’t think that paint job will do irreparable harm to the house, but I do think your callous request will irreparably harm your relationship with you son and his wife.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My daughter left town with another man, abandoning her husband and three small children..  Her husband and I have never been close, but we are cooperating to raise the children.   I am a widow and have always kept the children while they both worked, He gets off at 3:30 but doesn’t sometimes doesn’t get here till nearly 6:00 to pick up the kids.   Of course, by that time, they’ve been fed.  The situation is tense. We both have more responsibility than ever before and are dealing with a lot of anger at my daughter.  We can’t discuss problems in front of the children, of course.  You could cut the tension with a knife.  I don’t want to be paid for baby-sitting, but I do need him to pick them up when he gets off work.  If he has to work late, they sleep over.  That leaves me exhausted, with breakfasts, lunches to fix, and the problem of getting them ready for school and day care.  We are both exhausted, worried financially, stressed and angry.  How do I make him take responsibility?  There is no reason to expect a happy ending with my daughter.  Stressed Grandma

Dear Stressed,  Boy, there are no easy answers here.  You and your son-in-law will have to sit down and come up with a clear arrangement.  It is clear, he is willing to let you take on all the responsibility you will tolerate.  He is getting a free ride if you continue to provide unrestricted babysitting.  You need to make clear what hours you are available and stick to your guns.  Those kids need to be in their own beds at night and you definitely need your rest.  Your daughter has child-support responsibilities as well.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, my aunt left my daughter twenty-thousand dollars.  Several years ago, I spent that money.  My daughter is now approaching twenty-one.  She expects to get her twenty-thousand dollars.  We are on very poor terms.  What do I do?   No Cash

Dear No Cash, I hope you daughter is very forgiving, otherwise, you are probably in trouble.

Dear Auntie Linda,  l have a terrible time getting school supplies and school lunches for my kids.  I wish people who could afford it would send peanut butter crackers or breakfast bars or a few extra school supplies to the school room.  It would really help a kid.  Struggling Mom

Dear Struggling, Maybe a few will.  I hope so!

Dear Auntie Linda,  My neighbor’s kids are always at my house.  The little girl is the same age as my daughter; the little boy is four years younger.  Their mother works nights and they just drop their books at home and head straight for my house.  Their dad gets home after five, but never hunts them up till way after six. They are at the table for dinner, just like my kids.  I have no agreement with the neighbors but don’t mind feeding them, just like any friend who is there at dinner.  Should I bring this up with the neighbors?  Wondering.

Dear Wondering.  Don’t bother, unless you want to feed the whole family.  I suspect they know.  It’s good of you to feed those kids.  If you send them home, it will probably be catch as catch can.  They need a good meal and family time, even if it’s borrowed.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My daughter came home with an expensive pair of jeans she got from a friend.  I made her give them back. I don’t want her having anything I don’t know was purchased.  Is this too suspicious of me?  I couldn’t afford jeans that expensive and don’t believe the friend’s mother would allow her daughter to give them away if she had purchased them.  I don’t want to take a chance any shoplifting is going on.  Worried.

Dear Worried.   You are the mother.  It is your job to set rules.  If you don’t feel those jeans aren’t right for whatever reason, it is your responsibility to make that decision and make sure your daughter knows why.  Stick to your guns.  Kids need limits.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My daughter is seventeen.  Her best friend’s father wants to take her and his daughter to Europe this summer.  I could never give her this trip. He says he thinks of her like a daughter. The only problem is, he is twice-divorced and very flirtatious.  Should I let her go.  She says nothing is going on.  Kind of worried.

Dear Kind,  I have made a few substitutions in your letter.  Use your best judgment.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My daughter is seventeen.  Her best friend’s crocodile wants to take her and his daughter to Europe this summer.  He is a typical crocodile, dangerous and slippery.  He can be expected to behave like a crocodile.  Should I let her go?

Dear Auntie Linda,  If I cared to own up to it, I think half my family is just trashy, on drugs, or maybe just plain nuts.  My father-in-law has a gambling problem.  He and my mother-in-law adopted a schizophrenic relative’s kids so they could add them to their disability checks, and now they keep trying to dump them on us.  Their daughter lives in a mobile home in their yard and steals everything she can get her hands on.  We are decent people and want no part of this.  What do we do? Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,  If you husband supports you, you can refuse to get involved.  Their problems will just have to be their problems.  Don’t loan money under or baby sit under any circumstances.  Sounds like they are all users and you need to set strict limits.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I was raised in a Fundamentalist Christian Faith that I no longer follow, that required very strict code of dress, no make up, long hair, women submitting to their husband in every way.  I still am in a Christian faith but my parents make no secret of their strong disappointment and disapproval.  What does it take to make people realize adults have the right to make their own decisions.  Pressured

Dear Pressured, it takes an open mind and warm heart.  Nobody knows what’s in another person’s heart.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I betrayed a friend’s confidence and caused her to lose her job.  I feel horrible about it.  What do I do?  Feel like a rat.

Dear Rat, I am sure you do.  Why did you betray the confidence?  Was it necessary?  Did it relate to job performance or a moral or ethical issue related to work?  If it wasn’t necessary and you just divulged something unnecessarily, it’s not too likely you’ll salvage the friendship, but an apology might be in order.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I bought a jacket at a church thrift shop and found a diamond bracelet in the pocket.  I appraises for twelve thousand dollars.  Should I report the find to the gift shop.?  Lucky

Dear Lucky, I think it’s very likely that bracelet was accidently left in the jacket pocket.  You should report finding a bracelet to the thrift shop and leave your contact info, but I wouldn’t leave the bracelet or volunteer too much info.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My friend’s husband is seeing another woman.  Should I tell her?  Know something

Dear Know, Not unless you are the other woman and you’re wearing your running shoes.  You could be wrong or she might already know. Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My grandmother died recently.  She left her entire estate, the farm my father grew up on, to my brother.My sister and I were also very close to her. The monetary value wasn’t great.  It was just painful not to be acknowledged at all.  Why do you think she would have done this? Hurt Feelings

Dear Hurt, She may be from that old school of that feels everything goes to the eldest male heir to keep the estate intact or she may be submitting to someone else’s wishes.  I know it would be painful.  I am sorry your feelings are hurt, but her estate is hers to handle as ske wishes.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband and I have a new baby.  My lovely mother-in-law has offered to babysit in her home next door, but we don’t feel safe accepting her offer since she is such a casual housekeeper.  She often has things scattered on the floor and spoiled spoiled food in the fridge,, for example.  Would it be insulting to ask us to keep the baby at our home?  Worried Mama

Dear Worried, Mother-in-law is likely to bring her casual habits with her.  Professional day care might be a good idea.  Auntie Linda

D

Dear Auntie Linda, This is not a problem, just thought maybe one of your readers could answer a question for me.  My husband’s ninety-year-old grandmother is in remarkably good health with a sound mind.  She has always worked in her yard a lot.  She showed me her trick for not getting poison ivy.  It sounds crazy but she swears it works.  She hammered a lead fishing weight flat and wears it pinned to her bra in contact with her skin when she thinks she might come in contact with poison ivy.  She said she has never broken out when she does this.  Has anyone else ever heard of this and if I tried it, would I be likely to get lead poisoning?  Very Allergic

Dear Allergic, Never heard of this.  Let’s see if readers can help out.

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband is becoming such a tightwad it is difficult to deal with him.  We are not short on money.   We are retired with adequate income to pay cash for everything we buy.  I am sick of hearing constant complaints of how much my haircuts, clothes, flowers, and things for the house cost.  I am not extravagant and have contributed equally our entire marriage.  It is not a problem when he needs things.  What, besides constant fighting, is the answer here?  Had it

Dear Had it, Sounds like you need to have a little sit down and compare where the money is going.  Might be that you need your own account so he doesn’t need to worry about where your money is going.  I’ll bet you could get by nicely on about the same amount he spends, couldn’t you?  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My grandmother is pressuring me to go to her college and study nutrition.  I love her and don’t want to disappoint her, but don’t want to do this.  How do I keep from hurting her feelings.  Other plans.

Dear Other plans,  You just explained it beautifully to me.  You sound like a great kid.  Granny will just have to understand.