Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband had put $300 in the sugar bowl, intending to do some home repairs.  I dipped into it a couple of times meaning to replace it.  God Forbid, he came home Wednesday saying he planned to do the work Saturday. Desperately, I prayed for God to somehow save me from my husband’s fury.  I know he would have probably beaten me and told our church what I’d done. I couldn’t live with that shame.  Finally, I took the last $10, caught a ride to another town where I am not known, and bought a lottery ticket.  Halleleujah! With God’s mercy, I won $2000.  I replaced it and hid the rest.  There is no way I can spend it.  My husband would find ou!  What do I do?  Thankful Christian

Dear Thankful, I’m glad you got out of that scrape!  Please don’t count on it ever happening again. I’m am not sure exactly what you are asking, but if I were you, I’d hang on to that money. If you are prone to dip into the sugar bowl, you will need an emergency fund for one reason or another.  (I can think of one, right off the bat)

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a fifteen year old boy.  My parents make me work in their Feed and Seed Store for $4 an hour when I am out of school and half of that goes straight to my college savings fund. I also have to pay half the cost of my clothes, unless I am satisfied with the crap they drag in.  They won’t even talk about getting me a car. I don’t even know if I want to go to college, yet.  My eighteen year old cousin works there and gets a dollar more than minimum wage.  I work as hard as he does. This is not right.  How can I make them pay me better? Cheated

Dear Cheated,  Four dollars an hour is not a bad deal, since your parents don’t have to pay you at all, as a minor child working in a family business.  I assume they support you.  They may consider your  room and board care worth something to you.  Sounds like they manage their money well and intend for you to learn to do the same. Naturally, they have to pay your cousin. He is not their son.

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband is a do-it-yourselfer.  That sounds like a good thing, except that most of the time, he doesn’t finish the job or things don’t always work smoothly.  One time he got in a fender bender and decided to do the body work himself.  He never finished the job.  He drilled a hole in the fender to pull the dent out then filled the dent in with Bondo.  He put the primer on and never got around to the final paint job.  For two years, I was stuck driving a bright yellow car with a primed fender.  Best of all, when I drove over fifty, the hole in the fender made a high, shrill whistle.  It was horribly embarrassing. When he adjusted my brakes, they squealed forever after.  Everybody knew when I was headed their way.  When he put in a new sink, he got the faucets reversed and tightened the drain so much it cracked.  Sometimes things work out fine, but there are dozens of unfinished jobs, or jobs with crazy reminders that he was there.  He painted three sides of the house and didn’t get back to the job for a year.  I absolutely hate it when he tackles a project, knowing it may not ever be finished or may be wacky.  He won’t hire work done, saying he can’t trust anybody to do it right!  What in the world is he thinking?  Disgusted Wife

Dear Disgusted,  I feel your pain.  I would hate dealing with that problem.  Make a list of his messes.  Next time, tell him if he doesn’t get it right or finish the job, you will hire somebody to fix it.  Stick with your guns.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  We have three children and seven grandchildren.  At least one of the children asks us to babysit every weekend.  As often as not, they don’t bring everything the children need: diapers, clothes for church, even enough formula.  Almost every weekend, we have to make an emergency trip to the store for something.  We are tired of running a weekend daycare and their irresponsibility but don’t want to totally miss out on the grandchildren.  We just want to have the grandchildren for occasional visits, not devote every weekend to them. Tired Grandparents

Dear Tired.  Tell the kids what you told me.  No one should be dumping their kids on grandparents.  Let them know you are a grandparent, not a child-care service.  Stick to your guns.  They may get mad, but they’ve got the same clothes to get glad in.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I hate my job and most off the people who work there.  It has reached the point  that I can’t sleep for dreading the next day.  I have to have this job.  I have been here twenty-four years and can’t find anything else where I make this much.  Sometimes I throw up on the way to work and go out to my car on break and cry. My performance ratings are low, so I can’t transfer until I get them up.  That would take at least six months.   I don’t see how I can stand another six months, let alone six years till I can retire.  What do I do?  Sick and Tired

Dear Sick and Tired, This sounds miserable.  Maybe you can work on a plan to improve your performance so you can transfer.  A realistic short-term goal might help.  Additionally,  it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor.  If  depression, stress, or health problems are effecting your work, medication or health care management might help.  If you really can’t continue, look at your expenses. Perhaps you could refinance your home or get a roommate to cut expenses.   Maybe there is some way you can cut back, or retire early.  If you did that, you might be able to accept a job that pays less and is less demanding.  Auntie Linda

Dear Aunt Linda,  I spent the weekend with my sister recently.  Her teenage son had company in and out all weekend.  While I was there, my Rolex watch went missing from the locked bedroom.  I am sure it was stolen.  I am very careful with my things, and recall returning it to my suitcase before we gathered for dinner on the patio.  Many guests were there.  Over my sister’s objections, I reported it to the police but so far there is no trace of it.  There was no sign of a break in.  She also doesn’t want me to file an insurance claim since an investigation will ensue.  I can’t afford to let this drop. What are her responsibilities and mine? Devastated

Dear Devastated, What would you do if this happened in a hotel room, at work, or your own home?  Your sister is asking too much to expect you to ignore this loss.  She probably has concerns other guests who were there.  Sounds like an investigation might be warranted.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  There are a lot of secrets in our family.  Even though I am in my forties and Mother in her late seventies, there are lots of things that went on that I can’t understand that I don’t feel free to ask Mother about.  My father was physically abusive to the kids and emotionally and psychologically abusive to the whole family.  When I try to discuss this with Mother, she says it wasn’t all that bad.  I know there are many other things that were covered up.  When I try to talk to her, she gets pitiful and says she couldn’t leave because she couldn’t support the children on her own.  She manipulates the situation by being pitiful and powerless. She is very emotionally dependent on me. I would like to have an honest conversation but think I’d end up feeling worse by pressing her for answers.  What does a person do in this situation?  Frustrated

Dear Frustrated, Sounds like your mother makes being powerless work for her.  Do you think insisting she talk to you would make you feel better or worse?  Your mother may not be much help.  This is likely to be a journey you make by another route.  Good luck.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I love my cousin, Jody dearly, but she is a compulsive liar and spender, and wears such skimpy clothes I am not comfortable going out in public with her.  She lies for no reason.  For example, when my kids had strep throat, she said they were quarantined for three days, a ridiculous statement.  Another time, she said she had won a thousand dollars in a store giveaway to explain how she came up with extravagant gifts, when she’d actually charged them.  She has accused family members of making passes at her and wears her shorts so short that pubic hair shows in front and her butt cheeks hang out in back.  At a family funeral, her dress was so low-cut somebody got her a sweater.  I can’t enjoy my time with her because I am constantly bombarded by wild tales, am aware of her deep financial troubles, and dread seeing more of her than I ever want to.  How does family deal with someone like this?  Embarrassed Cousin

Dear Embarrassed Cousin,  Cousin Jody obviously has some deep problems.  When she tells a lie directly about you, don’t hesitate to correct it on the spot, or as soon as you hear it.  I am quite sure others have noticed her lying.  If she makes you uncomfortable with what she wears when you are together, don’t be shy.  Let her know.  When she’s coming to a social event, tell her it’s G-rated.  She needs to put some clothes on.  Being subtle won’t work.  While you can’t do anything about her spending, just don’t shop with her or accept gifts.  Jody needs somebody to point out when she’s out of control.  You can be direct without being unkind.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, We’ve known our neighbors for years, often barbecuing together or trading babysitting.  Last night after we cooked out together, my husband told me Judy approached him, saying she wanted to have another baby and Jim didn’t.  She wondered if he’d want to help her out.  I thought he was kidding at first, but he wasn’t.  The next morning, Judy came over and apologized, telling the same tale.  She didn’t want either of us to say anything to Jim and jeopardize their marriage.  Strangely, she asked me to pray with her after confessing her embarrassment.  I told her I wasn’t feeling prayerful, and needed some time to digest this.  My husband and I are wondering where we go from here.  The kids are friends and we don’t want any awkwardness. How do we handle this?  Awkward

Dear Awkward,  It’s good you and your husband can discuss things.  It would be a good idea to get back with Judy and let her know you that you and your husband are distancing yourself from her and don’t want to socialize further.  Perhaps if she lets it drop, you can be no more than neighbors.  Maybe it will die a natural death.  If not, you can be more direct.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am engaged to a wonderful man.  I did not have a religious upbringing, but have been attending services with Mark and am considering joining his faith..  He is about to graduate from college and has decided he wants to go to Seminary to become a minister.  This is a far cry from just attending services.  I don’t know that I can make the commitment to be a minister’s wife, though I love Mark passionately.  We had planned to marry next year, but I am worried about setting a date now.  What should we do?  Maybe

Dear Maybe, You are right to be concerned.  The commitment to be a minister’s wife may or may not be a road you are not willing to follow.  The two of you should take your time, pray, attend services and counseling together, and talk to other couples.  You surely are not the first couple to deal with this.  There is no hurry to marry.  Auntie Linda

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Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband is always late.  Most of the time he won’t even start to get ready until about fifteen minutes before we are due to leave.  We are always at least thirty minutes late leaving the house.  By that time, he is mad, blaming me for his lateness, then drives like a maniac trying to make up lost time.  We haven’t gotten any place on time in years.  We are always late for church, meetings, dinners with friends, weddings, funerals, trooping in long after everyone else.  I have tried setting the clocks ahead, reminding him what time we are due, and even changing the time we are due, hoping to get ahead of him.  I always have to wait, while he dresses and throws a fit.  I could deal with always being late if I didn’t have to put up with his fit-throwing and crazy driving.  I am afraid he will kill us one day.  It’s not like I can always drive myself.  We live in a rural area and I have night-blindness.  What can I do?  Punctual Paula

Dear Punctual,  People who are chronically late are disrespectful and self-centered, feeling their time is more important than anyone else’s.  From the behavior you are describing, your husband has no reason to change.  He apparently has no problem being late, especially since he has you to blame.  I suggest you refuse to go if he isn’t ready on time.  He will probably throw a fit, which it sounds like he is doing anyway.  You can’t change him.  All you can do is change your response.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I just got engaged to Jenny, a beautiful girl from a small town about twenty miles from where I live. It was love at first sight.  I’ve never fallen for anybody that way.  A few weeks ago, she found out she was pregnant.  We were delighted since we planning to get married, anyway.    I brought her home to meet my family.  As soon as my dad talked to Jenny about her family and life, he called me outside.  It turns out, Jenny is his older brother’s daughter.  (They don’t have the same last name, so Jenny’s mother never connected it.)  Jenny’s mother married another man, so Jenny has never said that her  parentage might be in question.  What in the world do I do?  I haven’t told Jenny or anyone else yet.  What in the world do I do?  Worse than Kissing Cousins

Dear Worse,  First of all, talk to Jenny.  She needs to know the whole story.  Just because your father thinks Jenny is his niece, doesn’t make it definite.  These things have been confused before.  DNA testing should give you some answers. It wouldn’t hurt for both of you to be tested.  Though most of us know who our mothers are, we are less sure of our fathers.  Once you know what is going on, you can seek medical and legal advice.  Hope for the best.  Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.  Auntie Linda

If you have a problem and need advice, email

Ask Auntie Linda  at lbeth1950@hotmail.com .to have it answered in this column.  You will not be identified.