Traveling with Elderly Parents: Tips and Experiences

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I am traveling today so I am running an old post from several years ago.  Mother is not traveling with me today

Mother accompanied me to visit a relative a few months ago.  It was a route I flew often enough to get expedited security.  I explained to security I did not want to be separated from my elderly mother.  They saw her in her wheelchair, which she always requests for convenience.  She immediately put on her goofiest look, which is quite convincing.  Starting her Alzheimer’s act, she started firing questions at me and security.  They rushed her through.  Frankly, I considered abandoning her, she was making such a pest of herself.  I was glad when we got out of security and she got back to her normal goofy self.

Old Folks

Life

What will your life be like in three years?

Who knows? I hope it continues the way it is. In the seventh decade as in the first, there could be lots of changes. I’ll hope for the best and deal with hope for the best.

My Condolences

imageOne of the hardest parts of  being a nurse is comforting and supporting the bereaved family at the time of death.  Normally, family members are heartbroken, grieving at the death.  On a few occasions, I witnessed something different.  Mr. Jones, an elderly patient owned a successful insurance agency. Every morning, he donned freshly laundered silk pajamas.  When discharged,  He wore a fine finest suit, shirt, shoes, and hat and took great pride in being noticed.  He bragged of buying a new Cadillac every year, dining at the most prestigious restaurants, and enjoying a membership at The Country Club.

His son, Junior Jones was in his late fifties and had always worked for Daddy.  It appeared Mr. Jones was none to generous nor kind to Junior.  Junior dressed in cheap clothes and drove an ancient compact car.  It must have been miserable since he was so tall he had to fold up like a jackknife to fit in it.  When Junior came to the hospital to consult with Daddy about the business, Daddy was condescending, snide, and critical, never showing Junior the least respect.

One the morning Daddy died, we’d called to notify Junior his father’s death appeared imminent.  Junior came streaking into his father’s room just moments before Mr. Jones’ death.  I offered my condolences.  Junior ignored me, opened the drawer of the bedside table, dug out the keys to his father’s Cadillac, his father’s checkbook and left the room without speaking.  A nursing assistant who was a friend of the family walked him out to the parking garage.  He handed her the keys to his small car and drove off in his father’s big, black Cadillac.  That was different!  I guess he’d had enough.

Aging gracefully, or Not

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'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

‘Push’n 50, but ya still got it!!’

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When I was a kid, there were a lot of things I wanted to ask old people, but didn’t have the nerve. I’ll post some of them, since I have some “old friends” who have answered some of them for me. If you have questions, send them in and I’ll try to get some answers for you, too.

1. Do old people still have sex? Sure, thanks to pharmacology, if they can find someone willing, able, and blind or demented enough.

2. Why do old people drive so slow and park crazy? Most of them are retired and it doesn’t matter how long it takes them to park. Just be glad they didn’t scrape your fender on the way in to that space. They may have neck and back pain and stiff joints.

3. Why do old people dress so crazy? Why do kids dress crazy? They want to.

4. Why do old men grow hair on their noses and ears and old women get whiskers? All the energy that used to go into head hair and perky breasts gets rerouted when hormones play out. God forbid science extends life expectancy too much. We’ll all look like androgynous Brillo pads and be deaf as a stone.

5. Why do old people have such big noses and ears? Some body parts never stop growing. Unfortunately, this is usually limited to noses and ears, not something more appreciable. This big-eared looked is greatly enhanced by baldness and frizzy hair. The nose gets bigger to hold glasses up.

If you have questions, address them in comments. I’ll address them for you.

Old People Jokes, Again

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor said, “You are in great health! All your tests are good. And for our records, may I ask, at what age did your father die?”

The 60-year-old patient said, “I didn’t say my father died! My father is 80. He skis, runs marathons and is in excellent health!”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! Well then, for our records, at what age did your grandfather die?”

“I didn’t say my grandfather died! My grandfather is 100, teaches dance lessons and plays golf four days a week. In fact, he’s getting married next month!”

“Why would your 100 year old grandfather want to get married?”

“I didn’t say he WANTED to get married!”

  • No one expects you to run—anywhere.
  • Your eyes won’t get too much worse.
  • Things that you buy now won’t wear out.
  • You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
  • You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.
  • People call you at 8 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • Your joints make the same noises as your coffee maker.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
  • You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them anyway.

Dear Auntie Linda, September 9 2015

I am reblogging an old post from 2015 when I used to do an advice column. I enjoyed it very much. Please address any questions or concerns you’d like addressed in comments or to my email Lbeth1950@hotmail.com Thanks

Dear Auntie Linda,  My mother is seventy-four and moved in with me and my husband four years ago.  She is in good health, still drives, and is active…

Dear Auntie Linda, September 9 2015

Jokes

An elderly couple were attending a church service. 
About halfway through the wife leans over to her husband and says, “I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?

He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.

Job interview:

A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?
The man says, “I’m probably too honest.
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!

There are three signs of old age. 
The first is loss of memory. 
I forget the other two.

Question: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? 
Answer: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!

Why Men Are Happier

Men can play with toys all their life.

Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.

Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.

Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.

Men can “do” their fingernails with a pocket knife.

Men’s bellies usually hide their large hips.

Chocolate is just another snack.

The whole garage belongs to them.

Weddings take care of themselves.

Men’s last name never changes.

Everything on a man’s face stays its original color.

Men only have to shave their faces and necks.

Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.

Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

For men, wrinkles add character.

Men can go on a week’s vacation and pack only one suitcase.

Men’s new shoes don’t cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.

Men don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.

Men have one mood all the time.

A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental – 100 bucks

Men can open all their own jars.