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Dear Auntie Linda, This is not a problem, just thought maybe one of your readers could answer a question for me.  My husband’s ninety-year-old grandmother is in remarkably good health with a sound mind.  She has always worked in her yard a lot.  She showed me her trick for not getting poison ivy.  It sounds crazy but she swears it works.  She hammered a lead fishing weight flat and wears it pinned to her bra in contact with her skin when she thinks she might come in contact with poison ivy.  She said she has never broken out when she does this.  Has anyone else ever heard of this and if I tried it, would I be likely to get lead poisoning?  Very Allergic

Dear Allergic, Never heard of this.  Let’s see if readers can help out.

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband is becoming such a tightwad it is difficult to deal with him.  We are not short on money.   We are retired with adequate income to pay cash for everything we buy.  I am sick of hearing constant complaints of how much my haircuts, clothes, flowers, and things for the house cost.  I am not extravagant and have contributed equally our entire marriage.  It is not a problem when he needs things.  What, besides constant fighting, is the answer here?  Had it

Dear Had it, Sounds like you need to have a little sit down and compare where the money is going.  Might be that you need your own account so he doesn’t need to worry about where your money is going.  I’ll bet you could get by nicely on about the same amount he spends, couldn’t you?  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My grandmother is pressuring me to go to her college and study nutrition.  I love her and don’t want to disappoint her, but don’t want to do this.  How do I keep from hurting her feelings.  Other plans.

Dear Other plans,  You just explained it beautifully to me.  You sound like a great kid.  Granny will just have to understand.

Dear Auntie Linda, I have not been able to get pregnant in three years.  My husband wants to adopt.  I am worried that I will I will get a baby with problems if I adopt.  I am concerned about the unstable background it might come from. What do you think?  Worried about baby.

Dear Worried, I think either having a baby or adopting is a toss up.  Take a good look at your family and your husband’s.  Every child has lots of options. not limited to traits you may be admiring it yourself or your husband.  We are what we are.  Frankly, if anyone, myself included, was looking at making a decision about having children by looking at the prospective parent’s collective gene pool, they’d probably want to think long and hard about it.  That being said, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out. Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband’s older half-sister, Hazel, has a daughter, Debbie,  who is schizophrenic and drug-addicted.  Debbie has five children placed in foster homes because she can’t care for them.  Hazel and her husband adopted one child, but both are in very poor health and can’t take on any more.  Social Services has just contacted Hazel that Debbie has a ten-month old that needs placement and is due to deliver her eighth child any minute  Debbie has tested positive for heroin and her parental rights have been terminated due to her consistent drug use and failed parenting interventions with the other children.  Hazel is harassing us to adopt the ten-month old and the new baby, because she doesn’t want to lose them to adoption outside the family. Should family not take them, they have a prospective adoptive family waiting for the two of them.  Our children are grown.  We have no desire to start another family.  What do we do?  Don’t want to be Mama

Dear Don’t,.  You certainly should not take on children if you don’t want to be a mother.  Don’t do it.  Let them go to a loving home.   Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,

I was coming home from a fun outing with my lovely new friend from down there Louisiana way, minding my own business, enjoying my new paper hat with embroidered flowers. Being a little weary of traffic, I decided to stop for a quick break at Mickey D’s.

It was a beautiful, sunshiny day. My mood was as happy as my bright yellow shirt and I was all hopped up on a Starbuck’s iced mocha latte, so I headed off to the restroom, came out and stretched my legs on an outdoor bench in the shade.

As I stood up and reached around to stretch my hands behind my back, I felt a sharp, needle-like pain go up my left arm. Oh, Lord, please don’t let this be a heart attack or something serious like that!  I was still about 45 minutes from home, with a cooler full of fresh beef in my trunk. (I’d been shopping at my family’s old time Amish meat market).

I got back in my car, and called my little brother, who works very nearby. Call went straight to voicemail. I was getting worried, when I noticed a little bit of swelling around my wrist, and the skin was turning red, starting to itch.

I’d been bitten, no doubt by an insect from those lovely landscaping shrubs behind me at the Mickey D’s. That was a relief. 

Now here’s the problem. I don’t know how to treat the bite, since I didn’t see the flying culprit. It is still swollen, itches like nobody’s business, and the redness spread overnight to the back of the wrist. There are a few entry points; it looks like something poked into me at 4 different spots, one large one and 3 smaller ones, so it might not have been a bee? 

Any suggestions?

 I tried a baking soda paste, apple cider vinegar and ice packed it for a bit. 

Signed, 

Still Swollen in the Suburbs 

Dear Still,  It does sound like a stinging rather than biting insect.  Sounds like you are doing everything right.  If swelling or pain get worse, or if you get bruising at site, might want to see a doctor, just in case it is a spider bite.  Ice to site and antihistamine are always good.  Sounds like an unpleasant end to a great day.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My marriage just broke up.  I walked out with nothing.  How do I get started over when I have no job, no car, and have to live with my parents?  I feel so hopeless?  Feel like such a loser.

Dear Feel, Lots of people have been where you are.  Start at the local employment office.  Take whatever you can find, even if it doesn’t pay well.  Some money is better than none.  It’s easier to find a job if you have one.  Make sure you save back a few dollars each payday, no matter what.  You’ll need it when you move out.  Check on educational programs and job training.  You may qualify for loans, grants, scholarships or tuition assistance.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Good luck!  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I like my job but my boss is toxic.  The workplace is extremely high stress with a high turnover.   The clients ask for me and other staff say they like to work with me.  I have asked my boss if there is anything I need to do to improve my performance.  My supervisor is critical of me to others behind my back, though when I asked for feedback she says I am doing fine. She is training a part-time worker for the job she originally promised me.  What should I do?  Worried but need this job.

Dear Worried.  Look for another job while you still have a job.  It sounds like your boss has no interest in your professional development and has already hired your replacement.  If possible, find another person who is willing to give you a letter of reference.  You are on the way out.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My little brother wants to borrow $10,000 for a down-payment on a house.  He’s thirty-eight with a good job, but his divorce wiped him out financially.   I have savings and would like help him, but my wife doesn’t want to loan him the money.  What should I do?  Dilemma

Dear Dilemma,  I am with your wife.  I never loan money.  People who borrow money from family almost never pay it back.  How do you(and your wife)feel about giving him $10,000?  That’s the way you need to look at it.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a devout Christian and have honored my vows to be submissive to my husband, but he hits me “when I need it”.  We married when I was eighteen.  My mother-in-law is very loving and helpful but I can expect no help from her or our church.  She has no control over her own life.  My father-in-law is the master of his house.  I only see my family twice a year, never alone.  The only time I have away from the farm where we live my in-laws is when I go to town with my husband or get to run errands with my mother-in-law.  I do get to go to the library when my mother-in-law goes to church since one of her friends is the librarian and can account for my whereabouts while she is in the grocery store across the street.  I have to get away to save my life.  Where do I turn for help?  Prisoner in my home

Dear Prisoner,  Get in touch with the nearest Domestic Abuse Hotline.  You should be able to find it on the computer.  Be careful.  Abused women are in the most danger when they are trying get away, as you probably well know.  Good luck and be careful who you confide in.

Dear Auntie Linda, My mother is fifty-four.  My father died two years ago.  Mother is still very lonesome.  My husband and I are very supportive of her and understand Sunday afternoons are hard for her, but this is our only day off together.  She has dropped by several times uninvited and interrupted our private time together, even though I’ve asked her to call before stopping by.  This is very annoying.  How do I get through to her.  Don’t Like Drop Ins

Dear Don’t, Either your mom is incredibly dense or just doesn’t care.  Stand your ground.  Make her wait a while.  Maybe she will leave.  If she doesn’t, got to the door in a loose robe, tell her, “”This is not a good time for company.  Bye.”

Dear Auntie Linda, I am no longer active in the religion I was raised in.  My elderly grandmother is pressuring me to “return to the faith” so I can be with her in the afterlife.  I can’t do this.  I do feel bad for my grandmother because I know her concerns for my soul are genuine, but it her faith is no longer mine.  How do I make her feel better?   Searching

Dear Searching, You may not be able to make her feel better, but you can’t borrow her faith. I suspect she’s working you, but that’s just me.  Like the rest of us, your grandmother will find out what happens when it happens.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband, Dave, and I have been married twenty-nine years.    When Dave and I had only been married a year, his brother Hal and I had sex one time.  It was just days before Hal married.  I realized immediately it was a terrible mistake and vowed to put it behind me.  Dave died five years ago.  I have a heart condition and don’t expect to live much longer.  I would like to die with a clear conscience.   Should I confess to Dave and clear my conscience?  Guilty

Dear Guilty, If I were in Dave I would be very upset if you unloaded your guilt on me at this point.  What are he supposed to do with his feelings after this many years?  If you’ve held it this long, find some other way to deal.  Talk to your priest or pastor.  Spare Dave till you think this through.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  A creepy guy lives next door.  I think he has been stealing my undies off the line in my backyard.  What should I do?  Tiny Hiney

Dear Tiny, Either hang your dainties inside or start hanging big, white Granny-panties with skid marks (magic marker)out there for a while.  That ought to teach him not to suck eggs!  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband and I have a good life and don’t want to have children.  Our families know this.  I get a lot of remarks and grief from my parents, even though I made it clear I won’t change my mind.  What do I say to get them to let up?  Tired of Pushy Parents.

Dear Tired, Doubt you can shut them up.  Maybe they will eventually get tired of hitting a stone wall when you remind them it’s not up for discussion and leave it at that.  No one should have children if they don’t want to.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda.  My husband and I struggled to put ourselves through college.  My husband is an accountant.  I am a teacher.  Our oldest two kids got scholarships and are doing great.  Our youngest son did well in high school, but is determined to go to technical school to be a welder.  He took a welding class in high school and won several awards, but there is no reason he couldn’t go to college and do as well as his brothers.   We don’t want him to be disappointed later.  What do we do? Worried Mother

Dear Worried, Sounds like your son knows what he wants.  If you want to ensure he is disappointed, pressure him to do what brothers did.  He can do very well as a welder.  Should he ever want or need to, he could go to college later.  I got my nursing degree when I was thirty when I realized I didn’t want to be a teacher, but still used those skills. He sounds like a sharp guy.

Dear Auntie Linda, I am dating a cool guy. The problem is his sister Lulu, who I just can’t stand.  She is very dependent on him, has no social life of her own, and always wants to go everywhere with us since she has no friends of her own.  None of my friends like her.  She is kind of dumpy, doesn’t dress well, and talks about books and school too much.  Steve looks great, but I am embarrassed to be seen with Lulu.  How do I get him to lose her?  Too Cool for Lulu

Dear Too Cool,  I have a great idea.  Ditch them both!  They need you like a hole in the head.  Steve does sound like a great guy.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda  My sister is a moocher.  She lives just around the corner.  She’s always dropping by just as I set my kids down for a meal.  This wouldn’t be a problem except she never takes care of their lunches herself.  I don’t mind feeding them, but it takes time to put more lunches out and clean up after.  She often asks me to pick up milk or fruit at the store, but never gets around to paying for it.  She drops her kids off several times a week and never gets back when she says she will.  It’s exhausting having two extra little ones all afternoon, especially with one in diapers and one potty training.  I’m afraid to let her keep mine because she lets the kids run wild.  What do I do? Used up!

Dear Used.  Tell Sis.  “Here’s the peanut butter.  Fix your kids a sandwich!  Clean that mess up.  I didn’t take you to raise”  About the milk and babysitting, “Nope, can’t do it!” Don’t worry about her feelings.  She hasn’t worried about yours.  Auntie Linda