Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband is always late.  Most of the time he won’t even start to get ready until about fifteen minutes before we are due to leave.  We are always at least thirty minutes late leaving the house.  By that time, he is mad, blaming me for his lateness, then drives like a maniac trying to make up lost time.  We haven’t gotten any place on time in years.  We are always late for church, meetings, dinners with friends, weddings, funerals, trooping in long after everyone else.  I have tried setting the clocks ahead, reminding him what time we are due, and even changing the time we are due, hoping to get ahead of him.  I always have to wait, while he dresses and throws a fit.  I could deal with always being late if I didn’t have to put up with his fit-throwing and crazy driving.  I am afraid he will kill us one day.  It’s not like I can always drive myself.  We live in a rural area and I have night-blindness.  What can I do?  Punctual Paula

Dear Punctual,  People who are chronically late are disrespectful and self-centered, feeling their time is more important than anyone else’s.  From the behavior you are describing, your husband has no reason to change.  He apparently has no problem being late, especially since he has you to blame.  I suggest you refuse to go if he isn’t ready on time.  He will probably throw a fit, which it sounds like he is doing anyway.  You can’t change him.  All you can do is change your response.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I just got engaged to Jenny, a beautiful girl from a small town about twenty miles from where I live. It was love at first sight.  I’ve never fallen for anybody that way.  A few weeks ago, she found out she was pregnant.  We were delighted since we planning to get married, anyway.    I brought her home to meet my family.  As soon as my dad talked to Jenny about her family and life, he called me outside.  It turns out, Jenny is his older brother’s daughter.  (They don’t have the same last name, so Jenny’s mother never connected it.)  Jenny’s mother married another man, so Jenny has never said that her  parentage might be in question.  What in the world do I do?  I haven’t told Jenny or anyone else yet.  What in the world do I do?  Worse than Kissing Cousins

Dear Worse,  First of all, talk to Jenny.  She needs to know the whole story.  Just because your father thinks Jenny is his niece, doesn’t make it definite.  These things have been confused before.  DNA testing should give you some answers. It wouldn’t hurt for both of you to be tested.  Though most of us know who our mothers are, we are less sure of our fathers.  Once you know what is going on, you can seek medical and legal advice.  Hope for the best.  Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.  Auntie Linda

If you have a problem and need advice, email

Ask Auntie Linda  at lbeth1950@hotmail.com .to have it answered in this column.  You will not be identified.

Dear Auntie Linda,  My mother is seventy-four and moved in with me and my husband four years ago.  She is in good health, still drives, and is active in her church, though she is slowing down.  We enjoy having her live with us, except for the added burden when my brothers visit.  She treats our home like hers.  When I was growing up, Mother waited on my father and brothers hand and foot.  They worked outside.  Cooking and cleaning were women’s work.  I was responsible for cooking, cleaning, and dishwashing right along with her.

Please understand.  My family is and always has been welcome.  However, since Mama moved in with us, when my brothers to visit, she holds court for her guests, expecting us to lay out the welcome mat and act the gracious host on her behalf, providing huge meals, providing rooms and housekeeping services just like she always did.  I am exhausted by the time company leaves.  Mama won’t hear of anyone taking rooms at a hotel or bringing in a sandwich tray, or takeout, or taking us all out to dinner.  By the time I have shopped, cooked and served meals for several, as well as tidying up behind them, I am exhausted, not to mention the damage to our budget.  I have mentioned this to Mother, but she always reminds me , “They won’t be here but a few days.  We can rest up when they’re gone.  I just want my family around me as long as I am able……..” I would love it if they invited her to their homes for a few days sometime.  She’s often mentioned she’d love to visit.  What should I do?  Worked to Death.

Dear Worked, Your mother knows how to heave the guilt.  If you don’t want to go into this with your mother, certainly your brothers ought to be able to understand that taking care of Mother is a big responsibility.   Let them know you and your budget needs a little break. They can reserve a room and help out with meals.  They don’t have to discuss their reasons with Mother.  If she brings it up with you, don’t waffle. Bring up the subject, “Thanksgiving, let’s get together somewhere else.”  You need a break.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My sister and I live a few blocks apart and both have three-year-olds.  We used to have coffee and visit several mornings a week, but the children fight so much now we really can’t enjoy a visit for the screaming, toy-snatching, and hitting.  If one doesn’t start it, the other does.  How in the world can you get children to play without fighting?  Sore Ears

Dear Sore Ears,  My mother had a little trick that worked wonders, for us and then my kids.   Have each of the children sit down with their favorite toy or book several feet apart.  Instruct them not to share or play with each other.  Remind them that they are not allowed to share or play together when they show interest in the other.  After you reinforce this a few times, they will want to play.  Relent, but tell them it’s only for a minute.  They’ll have to go back to their spots at the first sign of fighting.  In a few minutes, they should be anxious to play.  After being apart a few minutes, playing together becomes a privilege. Often, a reminder suffices to avoid a battle.  Hope it works as well for you.  Being separated from a potential sparring partner can help them get along, if you stick with it.  At the very least, they’ll learn to avoid fighting in front of you, which is what you really want anyway, isn’t it?

My son, Craig, a junior in college, married Betsy six months ago.  They have a three-month old girl.  They planned to get married any, sometime, just moved it up when the baby surprised them.  They share a job as apartment managers that works around his classes and furnishes an apartment.  He has a job unloading grocery trucks seven mornings a week.  She babysits for a professor some evenings and weekends so they can manage without a babysitter.  Betsy’s mother is pressing Betsy and the baby to come home and live with her till Craig graduates.  Betsy could go to community college.  Craig could come in on weekends.  They are barely scraping by, now.  They can’t handle any extra expenses.  The grandparents could all help with childcare.  I am afraid Craig will let his grades drop, lose his scholarship and not get into med school.  He only has three semesters to complete.  Doesn’t this seem like a reasonable plan?  Proud but Worried Mama

Dear Proud,  What do Betsy and Craig think?  It sounds like they are both smart, hard-workers.  I’d be willing to bet they have strong ideas about being together.  Chances are, they’ll figure it out without any help, unless they ask. If you want to help, wait till you asked.  Then, you can make your own wise decision.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I think my house might be haunted.  I  moved here a few months ago from the city and got an unbelievable deal on it.  The realtor said it had belonged to an old couple who went into a nursing home and later died.  I called the realtor back and asked if there were any claims of haunting, but she denied it.  Everything was quiet at first, but recently I have started hearing movement overhead.  My dog has barked so I know he hears the noises, too. No one can get in since I have a security system.  What do I do?  I hate as my neighbors and have them think I am crazy.  Scared

Dear Scared, It wouldn’t be surprising if squirrels or raccoons have gotten into your attic.  They fight, scrap, and make a tremendous amount of noise in the attic.  Before you call Ghost Busters get  pest control to check it out for you.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, Susie and I dated in high school, have both been married before, and have adult children.  She’s   the one who got away.  When we married last year after her husband died, we lived six hundred miles apart.  I am often on the road doing work in the oilfield, but get always get home every Thursday night and stay home till Monday morning.  It was my understanding that Susie would sell her home and come to live with me as soon as she could sell her house and business. Initially, Susie and I spent two weekends a month together, one at her home, and one at mine.  Susie was supposed to be putting her home and business up for sale.  Since then, she has sold her business, but is making lots of excuses about why she can’t get her home up for sale.  I still visit her one weekend a month, but she is becoming much more reluctant to come to my home, despite the fact that she no longer has a business to keep her busy.  Sometimes her grandchildren need her, sometimes her dog has been digging out from under the fence, and once she had to go to a great-uncle’s funeral.  I’ve been contributing to her budget since she sold her business, but I am losing my patience with her casual attitude toward our marriage.  I do?  Sidelined

Dear Sidelined,  This is a good time to find out if Susie considers your marriage a priority.  Sounds like she is feeling pretty casual about settling her affairs and sharing a life with you.  You need to have a good long talk about your expectations and hers.  You both have some decisions to make.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am in love with a man who has shared custody of three children of thirteen, eleven, and ten.  They make no secret of the fact that they actively dislike me, even though we didn’t meet until long after their parents split.  He has asked me to marry him, but frankly, I don’t know that I can bear to take these children on.  They are rude, disrespectful to me and him, and one of the girls even called the police, saying I had hit her, when I refused to give her money.  Fortunately, my friend and the other children, as well as a neighbor’s child were there and said it was not true.  I have tried to befriend the children, but have been insulted and ridiculed to my face.  Joe says they will come to like me with time.  I love him, but don’t see that his children will accept me.  Is there hope?  In Love

Dear In Love,  There might be hope for this relationship, but I would want to feel there was some understanding or chink in these children’s resistance before I committed.  It could happen, but there is a lot of hard work ahead.  How much time are you willing to invest?  Your beloved will have to support you and be strong enough to take on the burden of discipline.  A step-parent who has to help support discipline in children this age has their work cut out for them.  Good luck, should you decide to try.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My fifteen year old daughter is just darling.   In fact, it pains me to see, she looks better than I do in my clothes  I have always been the cutest and most petite girl in our circle of friends.  I hate to admit it, but I am jealous of my own daughter.  When I see the attention she gets, I snap at her and make snide remarks.  I am ashamed to say, I have even flirted with her boyfriends.  I hate myself for this.  How do I stop this?  Sweet Thing

Dear Sweet Thing, Make a point to dress like a mother, not a teenager.  When your daughter has friends over, don’t hang around and entertain them.  Just meet them and be available.  Resist the temptation to compete.  You will do irreparable damage and humiliate your daughter and yourself if you throw yourself at her friends. Frankly, though you may think you look fifteen, assuredly, you do not.  Act your age, not your libido.  It would be very easy to let your hormones get the best of you and wreck your life.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I live in the Northeast.  My neighbors have two dachshunds they keep in the backyard all year round.  The dogs bark incessantly, not to mention, they have to contend with deep snow in winter, though there is a small doghouse. This seems cruel.  I am tired of the noise and feel bad for the poor dogs.  What can be done?  Doggone Tired

Dear Doggoned Tired,  Does your town have a noise ordinance?  Try calling the police or the ASPCA.  I assume you have spoken to the neighbors about your concerns.  Auntie Linda.

Dear Auntie Linda, I am sixty-four.  My husband is sixty-sixty.  He is in poor health.   We have two daughters.  My youngest daughter wants us to sell our house and use that money to add on to her house where we could all live together.  It sounds like a good idea to me.  I could babysit the children and we could all live a little better than we are now.  My other daughter is furious about the plan.  She says Donna is just trying to get everything.  What should we do?  Torn

Dear Torn, this could turn out badly if you invested your money in somebody elses’s house..  You could end up on the street with nothing.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My son and his girlfriend never married, but had a child.  He is seven years old now.  We are all very involved with him.  He is very excited about his new brother.  Most of our family treats this child as a grandchild also.  A couple of family members have turned their backs, though we’ve ignored them. What more should we do.  Proud Grands.

Dear Proud,  Congratulations.  No time you ever spend with little guys is wasted.  You are doing everything right!  Continue to show that little guy off .  A grandchild is a blessing.

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband and I have been happily married for six years and have two-year-old twin girls.   We are very close to our families.  In fact, our parents babysit, so they have never even been in daycare.  My husband has recently been offered the position of Chief Nursing Officer major hospital two hours away.  This would be a opportunity. I am a nurse also, but with his pay increase wouldn’t even have to work, if I didn’t want to.  Here  is the problem.  I don’t want to leave my home and take the children from their grandparents.  We have always gone to church here.  This is where our friends and lives are.  Would it be a mistake to ask Joey to take an apartment in the new town and commute on weekends?  With the pay raise, we could easily afford it.  Hometown Girl

Dear Hometown Girl,  Think really hard about this.  I wouldn’t want to risk my happy marriage and my children’s family time just to maintain a home near extended family.  Should my husband suggest living apart, I’d feel expendable.  This could be a mistake that would change your life forever.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I work in a Womens Tall and Stout shop.  I’ve seen a male family member shopping for underwear for himself in my store several times. He has waved to me.  I usually duck out and ask someone else to assist him?  I’d be happy to help him, but don’t really know how to handle this.  What should I do?  Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,  He obviously knows you work there.  Treat him like you would any other customer.  Offer to help. Take your cue from his behavior. Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband was raised in a miserable situation and has struggled to pull himself up by his bootstraps, with my help, I might add.  The problem lies with the fact the periodically, he feels the need to drag people in from his earlier life as a DIY project.  Before you start to praise him, please be aware, he does this at the expense of his own family, possibly endangering them in the process. It maddens me to see him spend money on him when his children need shoes.  Should he meet a pathetic character from years ago on the street,  it often occurs to him he can invest in this person and salvage them.  I am all for helping people, but not for bringing people from the streets into my home, with my small children.  He acts like he gets on a high when he is with these people, not like with drugs, but demonstrating he has it made and is going to show them the way.  I believe he gets off on looking like a big shot to people he sees as losers.  He is not all compassion, though.  He is contemptuous and quick to laugh at their flaws when they are not around.  What is his problem.  Charity begins at home.

Dear Charity,  I won’t disabuse your assessment of the situation.  Sounds like going slumming builds up his ego and makes him feel like a big shot.  What a Sweetheart.  I wouldn’t expect him to change.  You’ll just have to decide if you feel like living with this.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My sister-in-law is a nurse and did the most disgusting thing when she was washing dishes.  Her kid came by with a snotty nose.  She wiped the kid’s nose with a dishrag and just kept right on washing dishes.  Disgusted.

Dear Disgusted.  Don’t know that I’d be eating there again.  That’s disgusting.  When she comes to your house, I believe I’d use disposable and tell her she didn’t need to bring anything.  Auntie Linda