Dear Auntie Linda, My mother is eighty-five years old.  She lives very close to me.  Her mind is sharp, but she is a hoarder, smokes, and wastes money on Bingo.  She can barely make it on her Social Security Check and my father’s pension. I feel bad for the neighbors.  They know I keep trying to help her clean her house up, but she won’t let me.  She gets meals from meals on wheels and the containers stack up if I don’t go in and get them out.  I know she would have rats otherwise. I have also tried get her quit smoking and get wasting money on Bingo.  Even when she wins, she gives it right back the next week.  She just gets mad at me. I would love to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee or a meal at Mother’s table like I used to. Also, don’t be so sure her mind is so sharp. Sounds like she’s slipping.  Trying to help

Dear Trying.  Though it is difficult to put up with, your mother is eighty-five and not going to change her habits.  Unless her hoarding is putting her life in danger, there is nothing you can do.  If it flows over to the outside of the house, the neighbors will probably report it and the city will get involved.  Don’t even bother with the smoking and Bingo. How hard this must be for you.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am fifty-six years old.  I am a college graduate, but foolishly never pursued a career after my marriage.  I worked part-time when we first married, but my husband could support us, so I looked for a while, then got comfortable not working.  My husband lost his job in his early fifties.  We went through his retirement pretty quickly.  Now he is sixty-six, on dialysis, has a terminal brain tumor, and is going into a nursing home next week. He is only expected to live for weeks.   I don’t know what I will do.  It has been downhill financially for us for years.  Our house is decrepit.  We have no income except for his social security  which will go with him when he goes to the nursing home.  Our house will be seized for taxes after January 1.  I have no income, no family, and soon will soon have no home.  I don’t even have decent clothes to look for a job.  Where do I turn?  Terrified

Dear Terrified,  This is indeed an awful situation.  You do some skills.  This is a well-organized letter. Though your degree may not be recent or in a field that will get you a job, it does show you can learn. If you don’t have clothes, get to Salvation Army, a local church, or women’s shelter to discuss your dilemma.  Lots of places help with job placement and help people get a leg up looking for a job.  Your local job service can help with placement.  If needed, you might find a live-in job such as an apartment manager, nanny, care-giver, or home-maker.  A live-in nanny who would home-school and travel with a family would be an excellent job.  Good luck.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I married Lucy more than forty years ago when I first got out of service.  Her told me her parents were dead; she had no other family.  It’s not been a  happy marriage, but we’ve managed to stay together and raise our family.  She’s never been close to me or the children.  One Sunday afternoon, about two weeks ago, a woman knocked on the door.  She was Lucy’s daughter from a previous marriage, a marriage Lucy never bothered to mention.  It turns out, Lucy had three children from that marriage.  She’d walked out on them and her husband, marrying me without benefit of divorce.  The man since divorced Lucy.  Now, it seems, Lucy and I are not married, nor are our children legitimate.  They are furious.  What do I do?  Surprised and Angry

Dear Surprised, Talk to a lawyer.  At least you will know where you stand.  Spend some time deciding what you want.  Looks like Lucy might have pooped in her mess kit.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a thirty-one-year-old mother of five.  I married a man from my church when I was seventeen.  I wanted to marry him, but I wasn’t allowed to see anyone outside my church.  I was home-schooled, which means I did a little school work sometimes while I took care of my eight younger brothers and sisters, cooked, sewed, cleaned, worked in the garden, and helped my mother with the ironing and sewing she took in to help ends meet.  I need to get out of my marriage. Though you’d never believe to see him in church, my husband cheats, is hateful to me and the kids, and doesn’t support us.  I have no where to turn.  My parents and church believe the wife must be submissive to the husband.  There is no way I can support my children. I have no education or skills. What do I do?  Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,  If you left your husband, you could apply for welfare benefits and get loans and grants for education.  There are other benefits you could apply for.  It is always possible there are shelters in your area.  There may be income assisted apartments you could qualify for.  Good luck.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My wife keeps taking money out of the household budget to buy plants for the yard.  She doesn’t care if the children have milk.  What do I do?  Desperate

Dear Desperate, The woman sounds like a saint!  Get a second job.  Milk is overrated.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am in an awkward situation.  My mother is in her sixties and should be retired.  I have two siblings who are freeloaders.  I know Mother has mortgaged her home to subsidize them.  About every three or four months she comes to me for money when she is in deep financial trouble.  I can’t let her lose her home, but it is infuriating to be in the position of having to continually bail her out because she has bailed them out.  She is secretive about why she needs the money, of course.  I can’t afford this, but she won’t consider discussing her financial situation with me. My wife and I have two small children and need every penny.  This is causing a lot of strife in our marriage.  Feeling the Pinch

Dear Pinch,  Your responsibility to your own family and loyalty to your marriage must come first.  It is not acceptable to expect your spouse to subsidize your mother in this way nor is it reasonable for your mother expect ongoing help.  If your mother asks help again and you feel it is something you want to consider doing, she needs to be open about her situation.  It is never a good idea to loan to family.  If you can’t afford to give the money, you probably need to think really hard.  You need to know exactly what you are working with should you decide to help.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am in charge of laundry at our house.  I go to the laundromat at six a.m., wash and while it is drying, go just down the block for coffee.  This worked fine, till I noticed I was running low on underwear.  Maybe somebody was stealing our stuff while I went for breakfast. The next washday I counted every item before putting it in to dry and going for breakfast.  No one was there when I left.  One pair of underwear was missing when I got back.  My girlfriend laughed at me, insisting I had miscounted and that it was hilarious to think anybody would want my old underwear. You would have thought she might have shown a little sympathy, or concern, or something.  I am a guy and I have feelings.  Besides, I don’t want to buy underwear.  I can count and know somebody got my underwear.  I counted and watched again the next week.  Somehow, it happened again, with me watching for the culprit. When I got home, my girlfriend was thrilled, thinking this is high comedy.  Now I have to sit and guard my stuff.  Every time a woman walks by, I have to wonder, is she the perverted underwear bandit?  Almost Commando

Dear Commando,  Excuse me, have you ever considered equal opportunity?  Your bandito could just as well be a man!!! He He I mean Her Her (sorry)  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My neighbors have gone Down Shore for the summer.  We have been helping ourselves to their tomatoes and berries since they were going to waste anyway, but their pool is starting to look mighty tempting.  I don’t believe they have an alarm system set since I’ve tossed a ball over there a couple of times and retrieved it with no problems.  I’m thinking of slipping over for a little dip after midnight.  What could it hurt?  Hot and Bothered

Dear Hot,   It sounds like a plan!  Invite friends!  Bring Alcohol!  Make sure you do it on a stormy night. Maybe lightning will strike and enquiring minds will see these headlines in a supermarket rag.  “Bunch of Bloated Bodies Found Bobbing in ‘Burbin Boil.  Aliens Feared!”  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My friends and I are divided over this.  We enjoy meeting at a local watering hole, but some of us like our drinks a bit stronger than the bartender mixes.  We’ve let management know.  Otherwise, it a nice place to meet.  We love the musicians, the ambiance, and it’s centrally located for everyone.  We don’t want to move.  Would it be wrong to discretely bring a little flask to top off weak drinks?  Love Bar, Not Bartender

Dear Love,  This will probably get me shot, but I’ve never hesitated to salt my food. If I had to get a packet of salt out of my purse, I would certainly do it.  That being said, I am quite sure there is a regulation against bringing in a bottle, so I would NEVER encourage lawbreaking. Be sure to tip well!  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband and I have been married about six years.  Lately I just feel like a housekeeper and Mommy.  Our couples class recently had a Sweetheart Banquet.  The men were supposed to name their wife’s favorite flower.  When it was Jim’s turn, He said, “Well, my mama always liked plain, but I think Becky likes self-rising.”  Everybody laughed, but it ruined the night for me.  Once again, I felt about as interesting as somebody’s granny.  I’ve kept myself nice, but Jim just doesn’t seem to notice.  He’s a good man, but has little interest in me or the baby.   It’s supper, TV, bed, maybe quick sex once in a while, but no togetherness.  He doesn’t need me for a friend.  If I try to talk, he says he’s tired, or he’s watching TV.  I’m thinking of leaving, but only because there’s no real reason to stay.  Nothing Here.

Dear Nothing, Have you told Jim how exactly how dissatisfied you are?  It’s possible he thinks you are happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.  One person can’t make a marriage.  Before you make up your mind to go, be sure to tally up the pros and cons of leaving.  It might be worth working out.  Jim may think everything is just fine   Men and women don’t speak the same language.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, An older man lives next door who looks like his thinking might not be that great.   His house and yard aren’t well-kept.  Quite a scruffy-looking guys are starting to hang around who look suspiciously like they are taking advantage of him.  Police officers have made numerous calls to the house, and a time or two, have left with a shady looking character.  Today, an obviously drunk man was stumbling around in the front yard with a bottle of wine.  I had the baby and my little girl outdoors and didn’t want to encounter him, so I took them back indoors.  Not thirty minutes later, the drunk man was on the back porch using an electric saw.  I was home alone with the children, so I just locked the doors.  What can be done about this situation?  Worried

Dear Worried, Sounds like time to make a call to the police if if there is a repeat wit the drunk man and adult protection.  If you don’t want to identify yourself, it can be anonymous. Things are getting out of hand.  Auntie Linda

Dear Worried

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband and I have been married since I was eighteen.  He is stingy, mean, and controlling and always has been.  I would have left him long ago if it hadn’t been for the times we share with our grown children, our only good times together.  My mother left my father after I was grown and I was just devastated.  I have lots of friends and would love to have a good sex partner.  What do I do?  I hate to waste the rest of my life.  Miserable at home

Dear Miserable, Chances are, your adult children aren’t blind.  If you are miserable, there is no need for you to stay with a man who is stingy, mean, and controlling.  What would you tell your child or best friend to do?  Take your own good advice.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My girlfriend and I have been together four years and have a three-year-old.  She just gave birth to a daughter.  The timing is wrong for this baby to be mine.  I have not confronted her, since I haven’t made up my mind how to handle this.  I love the baby and want the children to grow up together.  How do I handle this?  Crossed

Dear Crossed,  It’s not a good idea to hide from the truth.  You may get past the problem, but it’s better to sort this out now.  You have trust issues with your girlfriend and may have trust issues with this child later down the road.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am so mortified.  I gave a co-worker, Maggie,  a ride to and from work for years since she didn’t drive.  Every evening, as a matter of routine, we stopped off at the corner grocery for her while I waited in the car.  She was never more than five minutes.  She’d always called ahead so her groceries were bagged.  She just zipped in and out.  Last week, Maggie was admitted to the hospital with a bleeding ulcer and died.  Turns out, she was an alcoholic.  Everybody at work was wondering how on earth she got her beer.  Her husband never let her go anywhere alone.  Turns out, I had to be the source.  I feel so awful.  Her “groceries” were a case of beer.  I was the “one.”  Enabled

Dear Enabled, You did not enable.  You did a friend a kindness in providing transportation to and from work.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, Getting a teaching degree was pretty easy, but I HATE teaching.  I knew I hated it before even I graduated when I was practice teaching.  I don’t like anything about it: the routine, the planning, the kids, the structure.  The other teachers are losers.  Worst of all are the parents.  They expect me to take their snot-nosed little turd-heads and make Einsteins out of them.  I’m not a magician!  Need new direction

Dear Need,  What a shame you are thinking of abandoning the field of education.  You seem like a natural.  An education degree is a great jumping off place for a lot of fields.  Have you thought of going into Corporate Law, Banking, Philosophy, or the Ministry?   You could go to  still Magician or Clown School.?  Mother Teresa’s opening may not have been filled yet.

Dear Auntie Linda,  I have been accepted to a prestigious liberal arts college in the Northeast, but didn’t get a scholarship as I had hoped. My parents will pay my way to a state school but won’t pay my for my private education.  They have invested well and could borrow against their retirement but refuse Pay for private education.  I was valedictorian of my class and feel I deserve this opportunity.  They say if anyone goes in debt, it should be me.  I don’t want to start life in debt.  How do I get them to see how important this is to me.  Private

Dear Private,  If you are really desperate, fill out those loan apps.  Then calculate how much you will owe at the end of four years.  Just like you, your parents have better places for their Money,  having already raised you.   Do a little math on what your payments will leave you on the bring-home from a fifty-thousand dollar a year job, if you are lucky enough to get one, right away.  You may have to live with your parents.  Chances are, whatever your parents are willing to pay for college will end up looking like a good deal. I don’t feel parents owe their kids a college education.   Whatever help they are willing to provide is generous, being it housing or monetary.  I was grateful I was able to help my kids, but wouldn’t have kept it up if they hadn’t done well.

Dear Auntie Linda, I have seen my husband eating toilet paper.  Clean,not dirty toilet paper, but it’s still gross.  He tears off a couple of steps, balls it up ands chews it.  He’s a doctor.  He knows better!  Why would he do this?  Wondering

Dear Wondering, of corse he knows better and is probably embarrassed. It’s called Pica, ingestion of non-food items.  Pica commonly includes chalk, talcum,lead, clay and numerous other items.  It may or may not be dangerous depending type and amount of substance consumed.  I imagine he is concerned.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a seventeen years old, a senior in high school, make good grades, and have never done anything to make my parents distrust me.  We live thirteen miles outside town.  Most kids don’t want to come out this far before going out at night.  My parents let my brother take the car and go out at night or meet friends in town.  I am allowed to use the car in daytime, but they don’t want me driving alone at night in case I break down.  I have a cell phone.  I don’t always want to stay over with a friend or have a guy drive me home.  How can I get them to relax this double standard?  Unfair

Dear Unfair,  That’s a sticky one.  It’s not about trusting you.  It’s about protecting you, which you don’t like a bit better, I’m sure.  Maybe if you promised to call right when you were leaving they could deal a little better while you could wean them off gently, after all, you will be off at college next year.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, As a teenager, I worked in a local store video rental store.  While working there, I stole several porn videos, probably worth $600.  I feel very guilty about this and would like to make restitution.  The owner has since died.  I know his elderly widow needs money, but this confession could ruin me if it came out.  How can I make this right, without ruining my life?  Sorry now

Dear Sorry, Send the lady an anonymous letter with a cashier’s check explaining you wronged her husband and would like to make restitution, asking her to accept it in his honor.  She will probably be touched.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband I can never agree. We just can’t discuss things.  When we are trying to talk about issues, he doesn’t listen to a word I have said.  He thinks if he tells me how he wants things done, we have made a decision.  How do we solve this?  Trying to work things out.

Dear Trying,  These things usually work themselves out after fifty or sixty years.  Auntie Linda